Am I wrong in some way? Vent-NSOR

[CrazyLucky]

Holy cow. She has some nerve putting the guilt trip on you for being 3-4 hours away when she is the one moving several states away.
MIL lives in SC and we live in NC. The drive is 2 hours for us. It is really a perfect distance. MIL is great and will come up any time we need her (she's retired). She'll babysit for date night, when daycare closes, or for a sick kid. We are really lucky that she's so good. And the 2 hours is enough to never worry about a drop in visit.
You do not need to make your major life choices based on your mom's wants. Being in a place where you can find work is enormously important. Also, the transition from city life to NC life may be difficult, and it will be more difficult if you are not in a bigger city like Charlotte or Raleigh.
Do what you need to do for you. Try hard not to feel guilty. Make plans to visit once a quarter or whatever you think is good. You visit there once, she visits you once. Don't get into the trap where you are always the one visiting. That's what I have with my family and it's a pain.

[Deleted]

Stop telling your mom until you have made a concrete decision. Mom, we are moving on X date to Y city. The topic is not up for discussion.

[Deleted]

Sept 4, 2015 7:56:36 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Stop telling your mom until you have made a concrete decision. Mom, we are moving on X date to Y city. The topic is not up for discussion.

If I wasn't close with my mom, I could do that. I've always been able to share things with her. It would be weird for me not to share what's going on.

[Deleted]

The moment I saw the first sentence I was like NO! My mom has her issues, but I also am so close with her so I get that it's not as easy as just don't tell her. Maybe try putting it back on her a bit. "Mom you can't really suggest that I sacrifice my happiness and career just to be closer to you. You didn't consider mine when you moved a plane ride away, nor would it be fair of me to have asked you too. Let's just be excited that we're going to be so close to each other again!"

[Deleted]

RamblingRose. She does get that I need to leave here for a better life. I'm purposely choosing an area that is drivable to her and on the east coast. If I didn't have my mom, I would go wherever. Once she sells in NY, we have nothing tying us here (except jobs). I'm scared to make a change, but it needs to happen. I've never lived farther than 15 minutes from where I grew up. But here I am with a successful career in healthcare, nearing 34 years old, wanting to own a home and start a family and it's just not possible in my city anymore.
If my stepdad was still around, things with my mom would have panned out differently. she wouldn't have ended up down south etc. but it is what it is, I need to not feel guilty.

[stephreloaded]

If that is the game she wants to play, SHE was the one who moved to SC and left you in NYC.

[cuddlyevil]

Nope, you're an adult and can choose where you live. She doesn't have to like it, but she doesn't have to guilt you over it.

[ladyk]

You are doing the right thing. I know she is your mom but you have to do what's right by you and your family. My former stepdaughter lived in Norfolk and we're near Raleigh which is a 3-3.5 hour drive. It's totally do-able for a Friday afternoon/after work-Sunday afternoon trip.

[bl]

I agree with everyone else, you are absolutely in the right here. I think once its actually done and you are closer to her it will probably be fine, but she selfishly wants you as close as possible. You have to do what is best for you, your career, and your future.

[bg]

Sept 4, 2015 8:23:41 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Sept 4, 2015 7:56:36 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Stop telling your mom until you have made a concrete decision. Mom, we are moving on X date to Y city. The topic is not up for discussion.

If I wasn't close with my mom, I could do that. I've always been able to share things with her. It would be weird for me not to share what's going on.

This might be a topic you need to pull back with a little bit, just to keep your own sanity! It would be a bummer though, especially if you're used to sharing with her.