I don't know what I am looking for from this post

[bl]

PDQ I will DD

*Poof* thanks to everyone who responded!

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Hugs bl! I don't really have any advice but just want you to know that I am thinking about you.

[jojoandleo]

Just because someone contributes genetic DNA to you does not make them a parent. This was a two way street, he stopped reaching out too. You can't put all the blame on yourself.

I am sure he wasn't a bad person 100%. And death is sad. You can feel sad about it. You do not need to feel regret for things you can't change. He made his choices, and one of those choices was to be kind of shitty at relationships in general. It says nothing about you for not being able to extend love and kindness to this man you barely know. And you ARE extending love and kindness by feeling how you are feeling.

*hugs* I am sorry for all you are going through.

[cuddlyevil]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[lemons]

Huge hugs to you! I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation, but if you have to make funeral arrangements for him and have questions or want to vent about the process, feel free to pm me.

[winecat]

jojoandleo said it well. I'm sorry. If you do come out to CO, and need anything, let me know. I'm guessing I know which hospital he is at.

[calle28]

I'm sorry bl. If you can, I'd try to let go of the past and forgive for your own sake.

Now what that forgiveness looks like is up to you. Whether it's a phone call, a visit or just letting it go in your own heart. Do what's best for you.

[bg]

No advice, but I'm sorry. I agree with calle28, do what's best for you.

[bl]

Thanks ladies I really appreciate the kind words and the offers of help from the CO ladies.

My mom just texted me and said she called the hospital to get more information since she knew it was bothering me and they just handed the phone to him. She talked to him for a while. He is stable for now, but they have to do the operation in the next couple of days and that's what doesn't have the best outlook. She said she would tell me more when I got home, but that he did say he was sorry. I will hear what all she has to say, and give it some more thought. My gut right now is telling me that I will reach out. I think if he does actually apologize that will be a huge weight lifted and if for some reason he doesn't I think it would still make me feel better to have tried.

[1confused1]

I don't really have any advice.

I was in a similar situation in college, but with my grandfather. Can you talk to your mom about how you are feeling? Can she have the brother verify who your dad has you listed as next of kin? Maybe if you find that out, it will help relieve some of your worry.

Sending hugs.

[jojoandleo]

bl-I think that's a great call. Do what is best for you. Get some closure, one way or another.