kids ... abandonment issues

[pinkdutchtulips]

it happened ... out of the blue last night .... dd lost.her.sh!t last night. full on crying uncontrollably unable to stop (even though she wanted to stop but she couldn't)

brought to you by the fact that she realized she'll be spending A night at her aunt and uncle's house (xh's aunt & uncle) while i attend a remote work event. she won't even be w/ them 24 hrs (event is weds afternoon - thurs afternoon). after trying to figure out WHY she feels the way she does - even though i reassured her that i'll be giving her my emergency cell phone so she can call me whenever, that they'll probably cater to her every whim (they're grandparents too, they KNOW how to spoil kiddies) she continued to freak out. eventually i got it out of her --- she was afraid i wasn't coming back- just like her dad   i told her it was for ONE night and that i will absolutely be back for her. thankfully that calmed her down but i wasn't expecting a freak out like this a MONTH before the event

the ironic thing is that she's been on 2 sleep overs at a friend's house w/ NO issues. also, despite xh being well xh, his family has been nothing but helpful and supportive when it comes to what's going on w/ me, xh and dd. dd is VERY familiar with this aunt and uncle, so these aren't strangers. oy, i thought there might be some abandonment issues but i didn't think they'll appear until later they did ... at 6 !

any ideas on how to further prep her ? we've got a month .....

[1confused1]

Has she started therapy yet? I would discuss it with her counselor.

Also, send as many things as you can to make her feel comfortable (pictures, blankets, stuffed animals ).

Does she know them well? Has she spent time alone with them? If not, maybe make arrangements to have her spend a few hours with them.

[pinkdutchtulips]

We have our first 'family observation' session the end of Sept to create a baseline ... this will be added to the list - ugh

She's spent time w them before - they watched her all day for me when I auditioned for MasterChef last year and a few times during the year for a few hrs. We also see them at various family functions. I plan on giving her a shirt that smells like me to minimize the potential ( along w favorite pillow, blankies, animals, iPad, etc)

[dawnzersong]

If you have a good relationship with the aunt and uncle, would it be possible for them to come stay with her at your house instead of sending her over to their house for the night? She might feel more comfortable in her own home, and seeing that you're leaving all of your stuff there might reassure her that you're going to come back.

[pinkdutchtulips]

It's a good thought having them come to my place but the root of the problem is that I'm the one going away not her. She's done sleepovers at a friend's house but she's also known that I'm at home. This will be the FIRST time we'll both be 'away'. I don't think it's going to matter WHERE she is bc she knows I'm the one who's going to be away and that's making her upset/edgy ?!?

Keep in mind, this is a 6 yo who WILL NOT sleep in her own bed due to anxiety issues - despite the fact that 1-she had her own room and 2- she helped decorate said room, she refuses to sleep in there and crashes out in my bed ...

[stephreloaded]

Has she gone to therapy? DD also struggles with some anxiety. It is usually social anxiety with people that she doesn't know and therapy has worked very well.

I think I would go crazy if DD came into my room every single night. You need your time alone.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Sept 22, 2015 13:49:52 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

Has she gone to therapy? DD also struggles with some anxiety. It is usually social anxiety with people that she doesn't know and therapy has worked very well.

I think I would go crazy if DD came into my room every single night. You need your time alone.

she starts therapy next month after her therapist establishes a baseline to work from - it's going to be interesting !

She doesn't sleep in her room PERIOD ! she starts of in mine ...probably explains why I have a nanosecond fuse w her simply bc I have zero alone time.