If you hate conflict, you might be happier single

[jojoandleo]

And people who end up dating those non-conflict people would probably be happier single too. (May be bitter with MH's inability to talk...)

[brooke77]

This is interesting. Not sure if I agree for me personally. I do not like conflict and avoid it in all my relationships (work, family, friends, love). My stbxh both hated conflict so much, we stayed in our marriage for years longer than necessary when we were both unhappy. We did a lot of texting too which was not good.

BUT, I think I'm really happy in a happy relationship. I don't avoid dating because I'm afraid of rejection. I am happy single and happy not single.

"For example, if a high avoidance person goes on a date with someone who never calls for second date, he or she would view it as a good thing, Girme says. As in: If they’re going to act that way in a relationship, I’m probably avoiding a bad relationship."

I do agree with the above. I always think that if someone doesn't like me it's not a HUGE deal since they are missing out on someone special. I don't really relate that to being conflict-averse so much as a bit of an ego-maniac =)

[Mrs.Rad888]

DH and I are both horrible at conflict resolution. Both of us find it hard to start the conversation, so by the time we do manage to talk about the issue, it's gotten so much worse than it should have been. We've gone to counseling in the past, but eventually revert back to old habits. I don't know if I'd be happier single, but sometimes it feels like I'm about to find out. It's gotten better, but sometimes shit still comes up. Right now, with DH going through nicotine withdrawals, it's been pretty bumpy, but I've only felt the urge to punch him in the balls a handful of times (pun not intended).

[Deleted]

I hate conflict. I get stressed out when people on TV are yelling at each other constantly, let alone people in real life! I think this is probably a leftover effect of my marriage with my XH.

I sometimes worry that I'm too conflict avoidant in my current relationship, but we have no real problems either (that I'm aware of, haha). I'm careful not to nag or bitch about things that don't matter (like I bit my tongue this morning when BF was moving super slow to get ready to leave for work and I had a hard deadline on when I needed to get there) because I don't want to be in a relationship where we pick fights over minor daily life stuff. Any important stuff we've talked about calmly so IDK that I'd call it conflict, but it's the kind of stuff that could be a conflict if you had 2 hot heads talking about it I guess.

Anyway, I think hating conflict does not necessarily mean you should stay single. I think it means you should find someone you are compatible with who also doesn't pick stupid fights. Or stay single if you want, but don't do that JUST because you hate conflict. A relationship does not have to mean you have a lot of conflict.

[Wanderista]

I think that whether someone enjoys being in a relationship or is contentedly single, the important part is that they are happy. I kind of feel like it would be good to have a word or phrase in popular discourse that conveys that someone is happily indefinitely single as opposed to actively seeking a partner because they are basically two different social statuses with one shared word. I think that's where some of the awkwardness arises.

I know that a while back, someone tried to coin the phrase "happyalone" to encompass the people who prefer the solo life but it didn't really catch on. I'm not saying that's the word to use but there should be more social acceptance of people who see being single as their preferred status. Because there are single people who are actively seeking relationships, it can be hard to know "which type of single" someone is. I think that's a source of awkwardness for people, not knowing if someone is seeking to change or has found their happily ever after on their own. I think it's a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.

[jigsy]

All I have to ask is...who LIKES conflict? lol.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Oct 1, 2015 17:30:08 GMT -5 jigsy said:

All I have to ask is...who LIKES conflict? lol.

I have a drama-queen friend who is currently bitterly single. She believes that you need to be constantly working at your relationship, that's how you show the other person that you are serious, and conflict is a part of that. I guess some people just aren't comfortable in a relationship that has some "auto-pilot" time. To me, the "auto-pilot" time is the peace you earn by working through the tough times, but I guess she feels that hoping for peaceful times is taking the other person for granted, or unwilling to work to make things better, even when they might already be pretty good.

[brooke77]

Oct 1, 2015 17:30:08 GMT -5 jigsy said:

All I have to ask is...who LIKES conflict? lol.

I think my sister and her H love conflict. IMO it's not a healthy dynamic, but they've been together for 15 years and seem to love the excitement and drama of fights.  Maybe it's their way of showing passion.  Maybe after a fight they really makeup?

No idea, but they seem to love it because they fight over the stupidest things.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Oct 2, 2015 11:39:11 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

H and I are both conflict averse, and I think your marriage suffers from a lack of communication because of it. We''re both afraid to be straight with each other because we are scared of starting a fight. I probably would be happier overall if I were single (and not dating), aside from the fact that I'd be overwhelmed because I have 2 kids now. lol. 

ETA: whoops wrong board. SORRY! ha

ALL BOARDS ARE GBCN! 

Really, though, that's where DH and I are at. It sucks because by the time you end up talking things out, the problem has gotten so much bigger than it should have been. We've seen a counselor to get help with this, but we always seem to revert back to bad habits.
I don't know that I'd be happier single, because DH and I finally seem to be back on a good track, but I've been both married and single, and I'm pretty sure I had just as many good times either way.