timing for a BFF visit post-baby

[boiler717]

My BFF is wanting to book a flight out to visit after the baby comes. She will stay 3 nights with us. I'm due 1/4 and I know she would prefer to come over MLK weekend (1/16-1/19). I feel bad, but I think that might be too early.
I have no indication my doc would let me go until 41w (I know they would prefer to induce me on my due date at the latest, but that is a different discussion) but just in case I do go to 41w, I would just be coming home from the hospital at that point.
I think I will suggest end of Feb. Does that seem reasonable?

[cricketwife]

I was due 1/5, had baby 1/11, came home 1/13 in really bad shape. Yes. That is too early. Will your husband be home with you for any time. I definitely would want BFF to come after H goes back to work. End of February sounds reasonable.

[stackingtens]

I wouldn't care if it was my BFF and she was willing to lay around, nap, etc and didn't have any expectations for her visit other than holding the baby and resting. There are some houseguests that wouldn't understand that and it would overwhelm me for them to be there... But if your BFF is like mine, she'd fall right in and chill with me watching movies and snuggling the baby and not give it a 2nd thought.

[Deleted]

It depends on your BFF. I would have been okay with mine there as she is helpful and low maintenance. But it is cutting it a little close.

[ssmjlm]

I would probably push it to Presidents' Day weekend.

[kategm]

I had a similar timeline. I was due January 2nd. My sister booked her flight for MLK weekend (17-20th).
I had my baby at 41w on 1/9. It was NBD for my sis to be there a week later. However my SIL and niece came down that same weekend too, showing up on the 18th. THAT was too much. Having 3 house guests with one of them being a coughing 4yo, I nearly lost it. So, I agree with stackingtens that it entirely depends on your BFF and the relationship y'all have. Is she a needy type that you'll have to cater to and entertain? Is she helpful? Will she give you space if needed?

I do think waiting to the end of February like cricketwife suggested is very extreme. The baby will be nearly 2 months old at that point.

[skib]

I think it totally depends on your relationship with your BFF. I stayed with my BFF for nine days after her second baby was born, so that I could help her with her older child, etc. We had so much fun and still talk about how we wish we could go back and do it again. But I had absolutely no expectations for my "visit" other than helping, so I was totally fine with laying around the house and not doing much (I was pregnant with my first then, so I loved the resting portion of the trip).

[smock]

My BFF came out about 6 weeks pp, which was nice because I was physically feeling much better, and felt more confident about the little newborn. But because we live far from family, we had my mom, MIL, and OOT friends visit between 2-5w pp, otherwise I probably would have been fine with my BFF coming out earlier.

[thebreakfastclub]

I had a c/s but I also formula fed and my baby was easy. At 3 weeks, I was feeling decent, could drive, and the baby had spaced out bottles to every 3 hours.

He just slept a ton and I was bored, so a visit then would have been nice. I was napping in the afternoon though.

6 weeks was even better for doing stuff, as the baby was down to one overnight wakeup.

[cricketwife]

Oct 1, 2015 5:27:21 GMT -5 kategm said:

I had a similar timeline. I was due January 2nd. My sister booked her flight for MLK weekend (17-20th).
I had my baby at 41w on 1/9. It was NBD for my sis to be there a week later. However my SIL and niece came down that same weekend too, showing up on the 18th. THAT was too much. Having 3 house guests with one of them being a coughing 4yo, I nearly lost it. So, I agree with stackingtens that it entirely depends on your BFF and the relationship y'all have. Is she a needy type that you'll have to cater to and entertain? Is she helpful? Will she give you space if needed?

I do think waiting to the end of February like cricketwife suggested is very extreme. The baby will be nearly 2 months old at that point.

To be clear, I didn't suggest it. OP suggested it.

[ECB]

Oct 1, 2015 5:27:21 GMT -5 kategm said:

 

I do think waiting to the end of February like cricketwife suggested is very extreme. The baby will be nearly 2 months old at that point.

Extreme?  Of nothing else, when it comes to giving birth and recovering and dealing w/ a newborn, the mom trumps all.  If the OP doesn't think she'll be up for it, that's 100% her call and there is nothing "extreme" about asking her friend to come a month later.  So what that the baby will be almost 2 months old? It's still a baby and she'll be in a better place to have her friend there. 

 

[kategm]

Oct 1, 2015 5:51:56 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

Oct 1, 2015 5:27:21 GMT -5 kategm said:

I had a similar timeline. I was due January 2nd. My sister booked her flight for MLK weekend (17-20th).
I had my baby at 41w on 1/9. It was NBD for my sis to be there a week later. However my SIL and niece came down that same weekend too, showing up on the 18th. THAT was too much. Having 3 house guests with one of them being a coughing 4yo, I nearly lost it. So, I agree with stackingtens that it entirely depends on your BFF and the relationship y'all have. Is she a needy type that you'll have to cater to and entertain? Is she helpful? Will she give you space if needed?

I do think waiting to the end of February like cricketwife suggested is very extreme. The baby will be nearly 2 months old at that point.

To be clear, I didn't suggest it. OP suggested it.

Oops!!! You're right. I'm so sorry, I totally missed that.

[kategm]

Oct 1, 2015 6:01:29 GMT -5 ECB said:

Oct 1, 2015 5:27:21 GMT -5 kategm said:

 

I do think waiting to the end of February like cricketwife suggested is very extreme. The baby will be nearly 2 months old at that point.

Extreme?  Of nothing else, when it comes to giving birth and recovering and dealing w/ a newborn, the mom trumps all.  If the OP doesn't think she'll be up for it, that's 100% her call and there is nothing "extreme" about asking her friend to come a month later.  So what that the baby will be almost 2 months old? It's still a baby and she'll be in a better place to have her friend there. 

 

I didn't realize the end of February was OP's suggestion. I thought cricketwife brought it up out of the blue and I was surprised because it seemed far away from the initial timeline. I apparently don't read thoroughly at 5am and made an ass out of myself. But honestly? I think I was more of a mess at 2mo PP than 1 week. I didn't expect to have a colicky baby that cried for hours and hours and hours each night. At least at 1w she still slept all the time. The reality is you just don't know what your personal experience will be and how you'll feel with visitors.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2015 4:41:44 GMT -5 boiler717 said:

My BFF is wanting to book a flight out to visit after the baby comes. She will stay 3 nights with us. I'm due 1/4 and I know she would prefer to come over MLK weekend (1/16-1/19). I feel bad, but I think that might be too early.
I have no indication my doc would let me go until 41w (I know they would prefer to induce me on my due date at the latest, but that is a different discussion) but just in case I do go to 41w, I would just be coming home from the hospital at that point.
I think I will suggest end of Feb. Does that seem reasonable?

I was due 11/14n had DS 11/24 and my BFF and her baby came to see me for 3 days 11/30.

I think whatever you want is reasonable. I was personally fiNE with my BFF seeing me/my house as a total disaster so whatever was fine with me.

[boiler717]

I'm a FTM so I have no idea how I'll feel. She isn't super domestic but is low maintenance. She doesn't have kids herself so I don't know if I want to expect that she be super helpful / know what to do / know how to handle a post partum woman even though she's awesome. My thought is that if she's coming all the way here I'd rather enjoy her company vs expect her to be help for the visit.

[boiler717]

Oct 1, 2015 5:27:04 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

I would probably push it to Presidents' Day weekend.

I suggested that at first. The only problem with that is that it's Valentine's Day as well and I don't think she loved the idea of being gone then.

[vtdiamond]

If she doesn't have kids I would probably push it back a bit.

[boiler717]

If the baby came earlier (like around Christmas), I think MLK might work. I just don't know I want to set that as the plan now, but flights that weekend are cheap right now.

[preppy]

If I had even my best friend in the world staying with me this weekend I think I would lose my mind.

[boiler717]

I thought of end of Feb because the first weekend is the Super Bowl where we have stuff tentatively planned (although she could come along, I was trying to spread out social interactions throughout leave), the next weekend is Valentine's Day weekend (which she mentioned as not ideal). So that leaves the last two weekends in Feb. I guess the other option would be to go earlier, last weekend in January, estimated 4ish weeks PP?

[Velar Fricative]

Oct 1, 2015 5:02:02 GMT -5 stackingtens said:

I wouldn't care if it was my BFF and she was willing to lay around, nap, etc and didn't have any expectations for her visit other than holding the baby and resting. There are some houseguests that wouldn't understand that and it would overwhelm me for them to be there... But if your BFF is like mine, she'd fall right in and chill with me watching movies and snuggling the baby and not give it a 2nd thought.

Yup. My BFF was very helpful and I didn't have to make any effort to do anything when she came to visit.

[Muddled]

1/6/16 would be an awesome birthday. You should aim for that.

[FastHands]

Oct 1, 2015 7:34:59 GMT -5 Muddled said:

1/6/16 would be an awesome birthday. You should aim for that.

Is that your bday? ARE WE BDAY TWINS OMGHAAAH.

[Muddled]

Oct 1, 2015 7:37:26 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Oct 1, 2015 7:34:59 GMT -5 Muddled said:

1/6/16 would be an awesome birthday. You should aim for that.

Is that your bday? ARE WE BDAY TWINS OMGHAAAH.

No, I just like the symmetry.

[Deleted]

My best friend stayed the night with me the first night we were home from the hospital. Dh hadn't slept in three days and I was so thankful for her help.

But, she's like a sister to me and would never make it any more work for me. She's the best.

If your BFF is similar I wouldn't be bothered at all.

[meltoine]

Suggest Presidents' Day weekend instead; still a 3-day weekend, but not until mid-February.

[mlt]

My BFF had no kids but was a godsend when she came to visit. She came right after my parents left and I was so thankful. She changed diapers and took the baby on walks so I could nap and made meals and watched me nurse. I would err on the side of having her come sooner rather than later - you might be happy for hands on help.

[FastHands]

Oct 1, 2015 7:38:29 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Oct 1, 2015 7:37:26 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Is that your bday? ARE WE BDAY TWINS OMGHAAAH.

No, I just like the symmetry.

Oh.

[Muddled]

Oct 1, 2015 7:59:51 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Oct 1, 2015 7:38:29 GMT -5 Muddled said:

No, I just like the symmetry.

Oh.

Awww... I love you just the same, Fasty, birthday twins or not.