How would you react?(2 completely unrelated items)

[Becca]

Both of these came up in the past day, and I am surprised at my reactions, so I am curious how others react.

1. I have told a couple close friends and a couple partners at my firm about my pregnancy. It has been made quite clear to all that I am NOT ready for the pregnancybto be public knowledge, and that they are to keep it a secret.
One of the partners that I told about my pregnancy sent an email to all pregnant women in the firm today. He included me. He did not use the bcc function.

The email discussed using our offices for other purposes while we are on maternity leave. So it was obviously an email specifically for pregnant women.

I am showing and I know people are figuring it out, but letting people give my tummy the side eye is WAY different than a partner (who was sworn to secrecy) sending an email out to confirm it.

How would you react?


2. In January I had a procedure to remove some gallstones. I just received a letter notifying me that one of their endoscopy tools was found to have a manufacturer's defect that prevented it from being properly sterilized between procedures. The defect was not found until recently. They do not know if this particular tool was used in my procedure or not.

They recommend that I come in for a complimentary blood test including HIV screening.

How would you react?

[mmmomof2]

1. I would inwardly groan and roll my eyes, but just shrug and think nbd since I was showing already.

2. Freak the f out. But I'm a hypochondriac.

[sewpinkgal]

1. I wouldn't be thrilled, but unfortunately, as soon as higher ups in the office know, the likelihood of them letting it slip out is really high. I know it's your news to tell, but I think this one I'd let slide. And I'd likely move up when I started telling everyone else.

2. That would scare me and I'd go in for the blood test asap. I don't think there is much you can do other than that at this point though. I hope it all comes back clean.

[thedash]

1. This was really shitty of him but I'm sure it wasn't done with bad intentions. All you can do is hope the other women didn't notice or will be more discreet than he was. If you're up to it you could talk to each of them about it.

2. Go get the test and try not to worry. It sounds like a very small chance of a problem so don't let yourself get too freaked out until you get your test results.

[CloudBee]

1. Annoyed but not be confrontational, and still go at my own pace for notifying others when I felt ready.
2. Go in for testing ASAP and fax copies of the letter to my OB and PCP tomorrow. I would also call hospital management to discuss, or the # found on the letter.

[drloretta]

1. I'd be annoyed but not terribly upset. I mean, you're showing.
2. I'd go in for the test, and request one for HepB and C, and relax if they came back fine. I'd be researching the hell out of the odds of it being an issue. And I'd be somewhat freaked out, but figure I was likely fine.

[livinitup]

1. Sworn, huh? Yeah, that's worthless. If you tell, and you look pregnant, then it's nice if no one says anything. But you can't expect it. I think its unrealistic to think its a secret if even one person knows. And no, the emailer didn't think about the implications of including you. Again, you told - so you know, its been told. Sworn et all.

2. Cover their ass shit. Follow-up when convenient. No biggie. But super annoying.

[statlerwaldorf]

1. I would be annoyed, but I wouldn't say anything.

2. I would freak out and get the blood test asap.

[Becca]

Here are mine:

1. I feel like I should have been able to let this roll off. But I was furious. I was kind of backed into a corner as far as telling them (if roles were reversed, I as partner would have been furious with me for not saying something in the particular set of circumstances). I know that obviously people are figuring it out amongst themselves, but I am NOT ready to talk about it. I will honestly break down and cry if random people start stopping by my office to congratulate me. I just need it to be a private thing for now. And no matter how big I got, no one in their right mind would bring it up to me if it hadn't been confirmed to them.

There are about 100 of us in the firm, and the email was sent to 4 women all in their third tri, and me. (with one other partner cc'd) I will likely go out early on bed rest so my 'timing' falls somewhat in line with theirs. It wasn't like my name was hidden in a long list.

I sent a reply all saying something like "Hi ladies - I am not very far along in my pregnancy and for very obvious reasons it is something I want to keep private for awhile longer. I know people will figure it out soon enough if they haven't already, but I am just not ready to talk about it, so I would appreciate it if you could keep my news in confidence for a couplle more weeks".

The minute I got to work yesterday, I had some good friend's alert me that everyone was talking about how it had 'been confirmed' that I am pregnant. So really, I sent the reply all for two reasons - primarily that I hope it will get around that I don't want to talk about it, and secondly a small part of me just wanted the partner to feel bad. He has done some jack ass things this past year in regards to my pregnancy and loss (ie - telling a new client I was out on maternity leave and never bothering to finish the story) and I am so frustrated.

I got some kind emails in reply (I know all the women on the email) and an apology from the partner. Probably should have let it roll off, but I am ok with how I handled it and am hoping my 'please don't talk to me about it' gets around in time for today's firm-wide event.

2. I feel like I would normally be furious, but I just kind of thought 'eh'.

I recently had routine prenatal testing where I tested negative for HIV, hepatitis and all the other 'big' stuff. So I am not too worried at this point.

Thanks for your thoughts!

(and sorry that #1 got so long - I will probably DD at some point)

[6fsn]

1. I always expect that anything I tell someone, even in secrecy, will be told. It was a bad move on the partners fault, but if anyone noticed you on the email list they probably just had their suspicion confirmed. Also since it was to other pregnant women they probably get that you just aren't telling yet and would in fact be more respectful than a non-pregnant.

2. Get in for a blood test.

[thedash]

Sounds like your reactions to both were pretty reasonable. Hang in there!

[CloudBee]

You're such a strong woman, Becca.

[slug*bug]

I'm sorry that you had to confide in jack-assy partner about your pregnancy. I think that people, even people who mean well, slip sometimes. It sounds like he just generally doesn't handle those kinds of details very sensitively.

Hopefully other people at work will use better judgement before they approach you and take the hint that you need some time, even if you are showing.

I think there's an excellent chance everything's fine re: #2, but I'd get tested for peace of mind. (As Dr. L mentioned, I'd be more concerned re: Hep B & C than HIV in that situation.)

[ijack]

Can you have your friend at the firm pull people aside and tell them you don't want to talk about it? I'd be pissed too and I know that your emotions are all over the place and honestly you shouldn't have to talk about them at work. Hugs!

[froggy76]

1. My initial reaction was that he didn't mean any harm and you're not going to be able to keep it a secret much longer, anyway. However, given your follow-up about him not telling a client about your DS, I think he's an asshole. I think you did the right thing by replying to all in an effort to keep the news contained (even if it didn't work.)

2. I'd freak out at first, but then realize they are just covering their butts.

[h]

1. I would be pissed, but then probably figure it is to be expected given this partner's past behavior and try to shrug it off. I think your email reply was very appropriate.

2. I would get in for a blood test, but I would assume until proven otherwise that everything is fine and that the disclosure is just a legal requirement. I am guessing the chances that this particular instrument was used in your procedure, that the person it was used on before you had HIV/Hep C/etc., and that the attempt to sterilize it in between procedures was so ineffectual as to leave behind a live virus are pretty slim.

[vanillacourage]

I think your instincts in handling both situations are right-on. You (very nicely) put the partner on notice that he screwed up, and I agree with the others that the letter you got is likely just a CYA but I'd go get tested just to be sure. Whether you take the test or not won't affect the outcome, so I'd want to go in and get some peace of mind.

[Deleted]

1. I can't even imagine so I have no answer. I do think you did the right thing in trying to spread the word that it is NOT OKAY to talk to you about this pregnancy.

2. I wouldn't be too worried. I would just get a blood test at my convenience. Perfectly sterilized or not I doubt there was fresh blood on the instrument they used.

[iheartbanjos]

1. Sorry that happened, but I won't tell anyone at my job unless I'm comfortable with everyone knowing. Unfortunately, it's just the nature of the beast.

2. HIV cannot survive outside the body for long. On an instrument like that, less than a few minutes. Sure, I'd be worried, but I'd go get a test ASAP. I would also make sure they're testing you for Hep C as well. ((Hugs))