DH and I have several good friends who we knew in high school and have reconnected with in recent years.
One couple (E and T) has been to our house several times, but this last weekend we also invited a mutual friend (J) and his wife (C) to join us. This was their first time at our house. At one point while offering drinks, I offered one to T and she said, "That's okay, I know where it is!" and went to get it. I didn't think much of this, as at some point it's likely that DH or I had probably told her to help herself, and anyway E and T are very good friends and we're quite comfortable with them.
A while later, some of us had gathered on the back deck, behind the kitchen. I started hearing noise in the kitchen, including the refrigerator door open and close several times. I looked around the deck, and at this point the only one still in the house was J's wife C. I didn't know how to respond even though it made me uncomfortable, so I just continued the conversation I was having, and ignored her. A few minutes later she came out with a drink.
Now I would never help myself at someone else's house unless they had expressly told me I should, even if I was a frequent guest, let alone the first time I visited.
What are your thoughts? Are you comfortable with people going through your kitchen? And if not, how would you have handled it? Do I just need to chill?
Post by penguingrrl on Oct 15, 2015 20:17:30 GMT -5
I would never help myself in someone else's kitchen without express permission. I don't know how I would feel if someone did so at my house and I would probably be too flabbergasted in the moment to say something,but that's definitely rude.
Nope. Not comfortable. The only person whose fridge I'll go into without asking is my mom's. I would definitely never, ever do this with someone I didn't know well.
That said, I have no idea how I would have handled it. I probably wouldn't have said anything but would have been all "can you believe her?" with H later after everyone had left.
I don't really do guests, but when I do they have free reign over the fridge and liquor cabinet. I'd be pissed if someone opened a bottle of wine without asking though.
I'd probably be really worried that they'd find some crazy expired item in the back of the fridge that I forgot about. Otherwise I guess I'd be alright.
I would never presume to help myself, but with friends I'd had over several times, especially if it was just to hang out, I would likely encourage them to help themselves.
Growing up, my mom's rule was "The first time, we get it for you. The second time, we tell you where it is. The third time, you're family. Help yourself."
It might make me a little uncomfortable, but it sounds like she was following Ts lead.
I agree. If had been established by a conversation between the host and another guest that guests are serving themselves, I would have an internal battle about whether I should ask the host to get me a drink (and look like a self-centered jackass) or get up and serve myself (and look like a boorish snooper). Whatever I chose, I would probably second guess all night. lol
As a host, I try to cover all bases: keep a close eye for near-empty drinks while also doing a quick clean-up of my fridge interior prior to the get-togethers.
Nurse Cramer had stopped speaking to Nurse Duckett, her best friend, because of her liaison with Yossarian, but still went everywhere with Nurse Duckett since Nurse Duckett was her best friend....Nurse Cramer was prepared to begin talking to Nurse Duckett again if she repented and apologized.
Post by omgzombies on Oct 15, 2015 20:42:46 GMT -5
It might surprise me if someone who is just an acquaintance did that, but it wouldn't bother me. The only thing off limits in my kitchen are my restaurant leftovers. You take those and I will cut you. Otherwise help yourself.
I would think "oh thank god" and immediately relax. I'm very loose with social rules and cues, and always worried that I'm going to come off unspeakably rude and ignorant. I can't if they went there first!
Wouldn't bother me. Maybe she was looking for ice or something or a garnish. I would have a problem with someone opening my bathroom cabinets but not in the kitchen.
It might make me a little uncomfortable, but it sounds like she was following Ts lead.
I agree. If had been established by a conversation between the host and another guest that guests are serving themselves, I would have an internal battle about whether I should ask the host to get me a drink (and look like a self-centered jackass) or get up and serve myself (and look like a boorish snooper). Whatever I chose, I would probably second guess all night. lol
As a host, I try to cover all bases: keep a close eye for near-empty drinks while also doing a quick clean-up of my fridge interior prior to the get-togethers.
I sometimes have a similar debate about using someone's restroom. Do I just go in the obvious one or do I ask and feel like a child.
Anyways, to answer OP, I am curious: What kind of get together was this? Did you all have food or was it strictly drinks? What was it that she was drinking?
Depending on the atmosphere I probably wouldn't feel too weird but then again I usually try to ask people if they need another round when I see empties and would have been irritated only if she didn't ask others when she went in "anyone need a drink?!"
Post by LoveTrains on Oct 15, 2015 20:55:26 GMT -5
I don't really have casual friends over to my house, but I have good friends that come to my house often. They all know where everything is and they are welcome to help themselves - especially if they are making cocktails. They can make me one, too.
Part of it I think is that neither DH nor I grew up in households that did a lot of that, so we're both a little awkward with it. I guess I'll chill. I really do like when guests feel comfortable helping themselves so that I don't have to worry as much, it just seemed weird. (The weirdness could have stemmed from some other issues I have with her, so I wasn't sure).
I agree. If had been established by a conversation between the host and another guest that guests are serving themselves, I would have an internal battle about whether I should ask the host to get me a drink (and look like a self-centered jackass) or get up and serve myself (and look like a boorish snooper). Whatever I chose, I would probably second guess all night. lol
As a host, I try to cover all bases: keep a close eye for near-empty drinks while also doing a quick clean-up of my fridge interior prior to the get-togethers.
I sometimes have a similar debate about using someone's restroom. Do I just go in the obvious one or do I ask and feel like a child.
Anyways, to answer OP, I am curious: What kind of get together was this? Did you all have food or was it strictly drinks? What was it that she was drinking?
Depending on the atmosphere I probably wouldn't feel too weird but then again I usually try to ask people if they need another round when I see empties and would have been irritated only if she didn't ask others when she went in "anyone need a drink?!"
It was food and drinks. It was supposed to be movies, but everyone got visiting so much that we never got to the movies! I think she had a gin gimlet. we were talking about them earlier, but she said she was a lightweight and didn't drink, but then someone made her one with a touch of gin and she seemed to like it. Good point about her not asking others if they wanted anything.
I would not feel comfortable doing that during my first time visiting a friend's house--the exception being an old friend who just moved into a new house. I would also side eye some friend of a friend rifling through the my refrigerator during her first visit. It's not a huge deal, I do genuinely want our guests to feel comfortable here, but yes, I would think it was odd.
I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't bother me a ton. I don't like people touching my stuff generally, but I know it's happened and it hasn't bugged me much.
Unless it's my dad. He always eats all of my ice cream! I defensively move my favorite flavors to the basement freezer before he visits.
I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't bother me a ton. I don't like people touching my stuff generally, but I know it's happened and it hasn't bugged me much.
Unless it's my dad. He always eats all of my ice cream! I defensively move my favorite flavors to the basement freezer before he visits.
Part of it I think is that neither DH nor I grew up in households that did a lot of that, so we're both a little awkward with it. I guess I'll chill. I really do like when guests feel comfortable helping themselves so that I don't have to worry as much, it just seemed weird. (The weirdness could have stemmed from some other issues I have with her, so I wasn't sure).
Oh, if it's someone I don't like, bitch better stay out of my kitchen.