It doesn't bother me, I actually prefer if people make themselves at home and feel relaxed. Leave me more time to chat with my guests.
I only do it at other homes if we're close and have that kind of relationship but I wouldn't think twice about grabbing a beer out of most of my friends fridges.
This would not phase me. Since another guest helped herself to drinks earlier, and that seemed fine, I'd assume it was fine for me to help myself too. I would probably ask first, but as the hostess, i would probably have recognized that her glass was empty and offered a drink.
i live in a pretty casual house with low key friends. We are all up in each other's kitchens.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Part of it I think is that neither DH nor I grew up in households that did a lot of that, so we're both a little awkward with it. I guess I'll chill. I really do like when guests feel comfortable helping themselves so that I don't have to worry as much, it just seemed weird. (The weirdness could have stemmed from some other issues I have with her, so I wasn't sure).
This is one of those things where I don't feel there is a right or wrong. A "good host" is also someone who makes their guests feel comfortable and if that, TO YOU, means waiting on them, there is nothing wrong with that.
I personally wouldn't go into the kitchen of someone's home I've never been to and just start rummaging around and I can't entirely say that if I was in your position, I wouldn't be a little "uh... what are you doing" about it.
It's just big picture - for the most part, I want people to feel comfortable to grab a glass and get some water, or grab a beer from the fridge, or... what have you. I really don't want to have to be the person who goes and fetches EVERYTHING for my guests. I'm lazy!
Post by iammalcolmx on Oct 16, 2015 7:30:33 GMT -5
One of the first things summer told me was her kitchen was totally open. I actually cooked in her kitchen and cussed at her fancy stove-top cause I didn't understand how it worked, LOL.
For me, there is a big difference between my guests helping themselves to drinks and party food and "going through my kitchen." Although to be honest, I'm not sure I care really if they "go through my kitchen" either. It's not like its my bedside table or my medicine cabinet. I'm not really worried that they're going to open the wrong cupboard and find the Crockpot, you know?
For me, there is a big difference between my guests helping themselves to drinks and party food and "going through my kitchen." Although to be honest, I'm not sure I care really if they "go through my kitchen" either. It's not like its my bedside table or my medicine cabinet. I'm not really worried that they're going to open the wrong cupboard and find the Crockpot, you know?
I think that was the difference to me. If felt like a "going through" since it lasted a bit. But you're right; it's not like it's my bedside table.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Oct 16, 2015 14:11:09 GMT -5
I think I would follow other guests lead. I mean, I'd probably ask, but if I saw someone (or multiple someones) just help themselves I'd take that as a cue to do the same.
I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't bother me a ton. I don't like people touching my stuff generally, but I know it's happened and it hasn't bugged me much.
Unless it's my dad. He always eats all of my ice cream! I defensively move my favorite flavors to the basement freezer before he visits.
Omg. When I was in high school I got some Reese's peanut butter trees in my Christmas stocking. I kept them in the freezer because I love them and was savoring them (I liked the pb/chocolate ratio in the trees the best). I went on a trip for not even a week and all my damn peanut butter trees were gone. My dad ate every last one. He doesn't even like them. He just "needed something sweet and they were there."
I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't bother me a ton. I don't like people touching my stuff generally, but I know it's happened and it hasn't bugged me much.
Unless it's my dad. He always eats all of my ice cream! I defensively move my favorite flavors to the basement freezer before he visits.
Omg. When I was in high school I got some Reese's peanut butter trees in my Christmas stocking. I kept them in the freezer because I love them and was savoring them (I liked the pb/chocolate ratio in the trees the best). I went on a trip for not even a week and all my damn peanut butter trees were gone. My dad ate every last one. He doesn't even like them. He just "needed something sweet and they were there."
RRRAAAAAAAAGGGEEE!!!!!! It's such an added insult to injury when not only did you eat my special treat, but you DIDN'T EVEN ENJOY IT THAT MUCH.
Like my damn husband eating my good chocolate. I accused him of wasting it for just chowing down on it like it was freakin' cracker jack and he thought I'd lost my mind. I COULD HEAR IT CRUNCHING. AND THEN HE'D SWALLOW. Like - bite, crunch, crunch, swallow. he wasn't even letting it melt. The nerve man. that's NOT HOW YOU EAT GOOD CHOCOLATE. He still thinks that was some sort of hormone induced breakdown, but god help him if he does it again. He'll learn.
We're about to have a very similar exchange if he keeps dipping into my coffee vodka. YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE THE TASTE OF COFFEE. Just drink your damn hot chocolate virgin.
For me, there is a big difference between my guests helping themselves to drinks and party food and "going through my kitchen." Although to be honest, I'm not sure I care really if they "go through my kitchen" either. It's not like its my bedside table or my medicine cabinet. I'm not really worried that they're going to open the wrong cupboard and find the Crockpot, you know?
I think that was the difference to me. If felt like a "going through" since it lasted a bit. But you're right; it's not like it's my bedside table.
Yea, I mean, maybe you have way better stuff than I do hiding in your kitchen. But I just can't get worked up over someone opening up my utensil drawer instead of the silverware drawer looking for a bottle opener.
Omg. When I was in high school I got some Reese's peanut butter trees in my Christmas stocking. I kept them in the freezer because I love them and was savoring them (I liked the pb/chocolate ratio in the trees the best). I went on a trip for not even a week and all my damn peanut butter trees were gone. My dad ate every last one. He doesn't even like them. He just "needed something sweet and they were there."
THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP!!! OK, not band camp, but my uncle owned convenience stores so whenever we went there he would give us a small bag and we could get all the candy we wanted. I had hoarded some blowpops because my cousin, a friend and I were going ice skating and I was going to share with them. They were on my dresser and the day of the outing I went to get them and they weren't there. And then suddenly I heard this lip popping. I turn around and my younger brother is standing in his bedroom door sucking on one of my damn blowpops. Grinning with his mouth and tongue all red.
I yelled and my dad and mom came running and when I explained, they laughed. Da hell?! MY BLOWPOPS IS GONE. My brother, who always knew how to work our parents, said he did it because he wanted to go ice skating too and I didn't want him to go. And that was it. My blowpops were gone, he got a damn hug and all I got was, you'll be OK. Dammit.
I STILL FEEL SOME KINDA WAY ABOUT THIS.
where's that gif of the girl making the mean face over the cup of tea? that's me right now. What kind of lesson is that??! Wasn't he a failure to launch?
I think that was the difference to me. If felt like a "going through" since it lasted a bit. But you're right; it's not like it's my bedside table.
Yea, I mean, maybe you have way better stuff than I do hiding in your kitchen. But I just can't get worked up over someone opening up my utensil drawer instead of the silverware drawer looking for a bottle opener.
Haha there is NOTHING hiding in my kitchen! I'm embarrassed to say that there is no rhyme or reason to where anything is, and stuff is pretty much all out. No cabinet space to speak of...
I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't bother me a ton. I don't like people touching my stuff generally, but I know it's happened and it hasn't bugged me much.
Unless it's my dad. He always eats all of my ice cream! I defensively move my favorite flavors to the basement freezer before he visits.
Omg. When I was in high school I got some Reese's peanut butter trees in my Christmas stocking. I kept them in the freezer because I love them and was savoring them (I liked the pb/chocolate ratio in the trees the best). I went on a trip for not even a week and all my damn peanut butter trees were gone. My dad ate every last one. He doesn't even like them. He just "needed something sweet and they were there."
For me, there is a big difference between my guests helping themselves to drinks and party food and "going through my kitchen." Although to be honest, I'm not sure I care really if they "go through my kitchen" either. It's not like its my bedside table or my medicine cabinet. I'm not really worried that they're going to open the wrong cupboard and find the Crockpot, you know?
Right. Just stay out of the box of sex toys under the bed, and we're cool.
Seriously, if it's a gathering at someone's house and everyone is drinking cold drinks that are kept in the fridge, and someone else has already helped themselves, it seems like the other person is just following social cues by helping herself as well.
I don't want someone asking me every time they want to go get a drink. It feels kind of miserly or like I'm their mom or something. Just grab a beer, man. #teamchill
I'm happy to let guests make themselves at home in my home though. Half the time I'm wrangling a kid or talking to someone else, and they may never get food/drink/bathroom otherwise.
I tell all new guests in our house the rule: I'll get you the first drink, after that you're on your own.
My dad actually came up with the rule, after a host kept pouring him super heavy drinks that were awful. Dad was like, "look, I want to be in control of how much I drink... I'll get my own."
This wouldn't bother me. My lazy ass would just be thankful I didn't have to do whatever is was they were doing for them.
#hostessoftheyear
^^^^^^^^^^^ So orangello and I will be sitting on the couch kicking back while our guests help us escape the hostess work. Sounds like the world I choose to live in.
If I'm at a family members or a very close friends home then I help myself. Anywhere else and I wouldn't unless the host told me I could, and even then I would probably feel weird doing it.
In my house everyone helps themselves, I'll usually grab the first drink or two for guests.
I just tell people to help themselves. I will usually offer a drink T the beginning and if I'm getting another, but I expect they'll make what they need.
It's the rule I grew up with and I enjoy the maximum laziness it allows. I don't even care if you rummage my medicine cabinet looking for an Advil. I don't have secrets. You have a burning desire to find out what brand of tampon I use or need a qtip then go ahead.
It's the rule I grew up with and I enjoy the maximum laziness it allows. I don't even care if you rummage my medicine cabinet looking for an Advil. I don't have secrets. You have a burning desire to find out what brand of tampon I use or need a qtip then go ahead.
This too. I feel that I can trust most of the people I have over - if they use my bathroom and want to look for some Advil, I don't care. Now, granted, again, these are situations where I'd try to ask my hostess first and most times, I feel like people come and ask me.
BUT it's not the end of the world if, once in the bathroom, they realize "Oh- I really could use some Advil".
I actually do have one family member who I don't trust and we just make sure he uses our 1/2 bath. He WOULD search through our medicine cabinet looking for more than Advil.
It's the rule I grew up with and I enjoy the maximum laziness it allows. I don't even care if you rummage my medicine cabinet looking for an Advil. I don't have secrets. You have a burning desire to find out what brand of tampon I use or need a qtip then go ahead.
This too. I feel that I can trust most of the people I have over - if they use my bathroom and want to look for some Advil, I don't care. Now, granted, again, these are situations where I'd try to ask my hostess first and most times, I feel like people come and ask me.
BUT it's not the end of the world if, once in the bathroom, they realize "Oh- I really could use some Advil".
I actually do have one family member who I don't trust and we just make sure he uses our 1/2 bath. He WOULD search through our medicine cabinet looking for more than Advil.
This is also why we don't keep our Rx medications in the bathroom. We keep them separate, because I'm weird about that sort of thing.
This is also why we don't keep our Rx medications in the bathroom. We keep them separate, because I'm weird about that sort of thing.
All this stuff is in our master bathroom and MOST people don't use that bathroom. Really, only our CLOSEST friends who know they have full run of the house. Everyone else, including this relative, uses our 1/2 bath. And he's been to our house maybe once in the past 2 years. So... there's that.
Did you have everything (drinks/food) out? Or is that where the drinks were?
It's not something I would do, but if someone wants a glass of water or milk for their kid, I don't have a problem with people going through the fridge. Polite thing is to ask first. But I'm not overly concerned about that.
If they're getting into stuff that's not part of the party, then that's rude. But if others have done it and they're just following lead, then I think you're being overly sensitive.
Did you have everything (drinks/food) out? Or is that where the drinks were?
It's not something I would do, but if someone wants a glass of water or milk for their kid, I don't have a problem with people going through the fridge. Polite thing is to ask first. But I'm not overly concerned about that.
If they're getting into stuff that's not part of the party, then that's rude. But if others have done it and they're just following lead, then I think you're being overly sensitive.
Thanks. I will definitely chill after this. Food was all out, but not the drinks. DH is usually great about being there to offer everything all the time, but it was an unusual gathering, and I think he was off his game.