*whispers* Hi...

[Deleted]

He won't. I've brought it up numerous times and even considering anything that mentions god/God is a no for him unfortunately.

[Deleted]

Interesting you would mention that! A fear of God is not that uncommon among people new to AA. At the end of our meetings, we typically join hands in a big circle and say the Lord's Prayer. Last night, after our meeting, a newcomer literally RAN out of the room saying "not the Lord's Prayer, not the Lord's Prayer!" I kind of chuckled wondering what she thought might happen if she just stood quietly in the circle.

The concept AA uses is a Higher Power, not God in particular. There are as many different ideas of a Higher Power as there are individuals in AA. Not trying to argue with you but to give you information that might soften his resistance to AA.

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2015 20:43:49 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Interesting you would mention that! A fear of God is not that uncommon among people new to AA. At the end of our meetings, we typically join hands in a big circle and say the Lord's Prayer. Last night, after our meeting, a newcomer literally RAN out of the room saying "not the Lord's Prayer, not the Lord's Prayer!" I kind of chuckled wondering what she thought might happen if she just stood quietly in the circle.

The concept AA uses is a Higher Power, not God in particular. There are as many different ideas of a Higher Power as there are individuals in AA. Not trying to argue with you but to give you information that might soften his resistance to AA.

He's atheist, so he believes in no higher power whatsoever.

[lovelovelove]

My h is atheist and I'm agnostic. We both haf/have trouble with the higher power thing in AA and al-anon. For me, going to meeting was more about being in a space with others who understood what I was going through in my home life and relationship. For my h, it was that same thing- feeling like he belonged there that struck him and kept him going back. He hasn't really talked to me about the higher power stuff, but that doesn't seem to be a huge part of it for him. It's more the comrodery, time with people who have been there, etc. He may be experiencing something with a higher power buy for now that's between him and his sponsor.

Alllll that just to say, I don't think there's anything wrong with going so long as it's helping him not drink- he can tune out during the higher power stuff until/if it's something he wants to explore.

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2015 21:04:22 GMT -5 @kittensandkazoozles said:

Oct 28, 2015 20:43:49 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Interesting you would mention that! A fear of God is not that uncommon among people new to AA. At the end of our meetings, we typically join hands in a big circle and say the Lord's Prayer. Last night, after our meeting, a newcomer literally RAN out of the room saying "not the Lord's Prayer, not the Lord's Prayer!" I kind of chuckled wondering what she thought might happen if she just stood quietly in the circle.

The concept AA uses is a Higher Power, not God in particular. There are as many different ideas of a Higher Power as there are individuals in AA. Not trying to argue with you but to give you information that might soften his resistance to AA.

He's atheist, so he believes in no higher power whatsoever.

Understand. 

I've known AA's who use the Group, their golden retriever, Nature as their higher power. Higher power needn't equal something God-like. Does that make sense?  There are plenty of AA's who are atheists and agnostics. I live in a bigger city where there are AA meetings for atheists. 

[Deleted]

Totally off topic, but @kittensandkazoozles, is your cat pictured a Maine Coon?

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2015 22:31:11 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Totally off topic, but @kittensandkazoozles, is your cat pictured a Maine Coon?

I've tried to explain that to him but he won't listen unfortunately.

No, she's just a very fluffy long haired calico.

[flex]

Atheists and agnostics do get sober in AA. In fact, there's a chapter dedicated to them in the Big Book. lol

Anyway, i think he doesn't yet have "the gift of desperation". So if he thinks he can get sober by willpower, than more power to him. Maybe it WILL work for him (white knuckling it), but I doubt it. You just have to let him find it out for himself.

In the meantime, what are you going to do if he starts drinking again?

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2015 23:08:47 GMT -5 flex said:

Atheists and agnostics do get sober in AA. In fact, there's a chapter dedicated to them in the Big Book. lol

Anyway, i think he doesn't yet have "the gift of desperation". So if he thinks he can get sober by willpower, than more power to him. Maybe it WILL work for him (white knuckling it), but I doubt it. You just have to let him find it out for himself.

In the meantime, what are you going to do if he starts drinking again?

I don't know. I haven't thought about it yet tbh. He sends a bit better this evening regarding his mood but we'll see. :/ Friday will be two weeks. He's not saying anything definitely. Everything is if. "We'll have more money IF I can continue not drinking.." etc.

[Deleted]

I know if he doesn't successfully quit his family, or at the very least his mom, will cut off contact. She's very serious about this and I don't doubt she would. I think he thinks she's bluffing.

[Deleted]

Friday will be a month so far. He seems mostly ok now and actually happier. It's...odd.

[scottyderp]

I'm sorry.  He sounds like the sort that cannot even have a drop, ever.  I hope that he gets sober.  You deserve a sober H, he deserves a sober life.

[lexxasaurus]

@kittensandkazoozles how is your H doing? How are you?

I was angry at the world when I quit, and I know I was not always pleasant. I'm sorry he's lashing out at you, but it isn't your fault and I hope that's waned a bit. ((hugs))

[Deleted]

Dec 8, 2015 16:15:18 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

@kittensandkazoozles how is your H doing? How are you?

I was angry at the world when I quit, and I know I was not always pleasant. I'm sorry he's lashing out at you, but it isn't your fault and I hope that's waned a bit. ((hugs))

We are both doing really well, actually. The mood swings have subsided, he's 52 days sober and seems to be quite happy about it actually. It doesn't seem like I'm being blamed anymore, either. Now just to hoping it sticks since he's white knuckling it.

[Deleted]

56 days and counting.

[Deleted]

Dec 13, 2015 14:49:45 GMT -5 lucybrown said:

I'm happy to hear he's staying sober. How are you doing?

I'm doing well actually. Things are pretty mellowed out here.

[Deleted]

H was offered beer 4x at work today. He said it wasn't super easy but he told then he quit drinking and politely declined.

[Deleted]

Dec 25, 2015 0:41:29 GMT -5 @kittensandkazoozles said:

H was offered beer 4x at work today. He said it wasn't super easy but he told then he quit drinking and politely declined.

Good for him! Well, actually good for all of you. I hope you had a nice holiday. Thanks for checking in!

[Deleted]

H seemed to feel proud of himself after seeing my family for the holidays. My mom knew he quit drinking, my dad didn't. My dad was telling him how good he looked, thinner, healthier, etc. My mom told my dad afterward about how he quit and my dad was really proud of him. I don't think he realized it was that big of an issue -- it's not something I talk to my dad about much. He also managed to handle it without wanting to go buy beer afterward, which in itself is a huge accomplishment with my family especially.

[Deleted]

Thought I'd check in again. New name but it's me. There have been some rough patches that I've caused and blamed him and others for. He's still sober, though!!!

[Deleted]

Glad to hear from you! This board has been pretty darn quiet recently. That's really great that your H is still sober. Hang in there. It will get better and better!

[Captain Catnip]

Another name but wanted to update. It's been 1 year today with no drink for H.

[Deleted]

Oct 17, 2016 10:49:23 GMT -5 Captain Catnip said:

Another name but wanted to update. It's been 1 year today with no drink for H.

Very cool. Congrats to your H. Great news. The first year is definitely the most challenging. I know he is an atheist but is he attending any kind of support group?

[Captain Catnip]

Oct 17, 2016 22:43:25 GMT -5 @courtneyl said:

Oct 17, 2016 10:49:23 GMT -5 Captain Catnip said:

Another name but wanted to update. It's been 1 year today with no drink for H.

Very cool. Congrats to your H. Great news. The first year is definitely the most challenging. I know he is an atheist but is he attending any kind of support group?

No, he refused then and still refuses now. He was invited a few times by one of my ex-CW's husband's, but didn't go.  I think I'm more proud of him than he is.