Moms, help me w/ my suddenly picky eater....

[niceastra]

...and tantrum thrower.

Jonas has been throwing some major tantrums at dinner time. Mostly I think it's bc he just doesn't want to eat what we're having. He won't sit down at the table, he'll start screaming and flailing on the ground, and sometimes it goes on forever and escalates to the point when he just can't calm down.

I've been trying to fix what I think what was part of the problem. For instance, sometimes I turn on the TV for him while I cook to distract him. Turning off the TV almost always equals major meltdown. So, I've started turning it off well before I even mention dinner so that he's calm first. I've also been more careful about giving him a snack right before dinner so he's good and hungry, and making sure dinner is done on the earlier side so he's not starving, tired, and irritable.

What do I do here? Do I make him only food I know he will eat? He does mostly eat a good balanced diet, it's just that if it's not one of his 5 favorite meals he wants nothing to do with it. How do I discipline this behavior? Do I just let him choose when he's ready to eat? I'm not sure how to make him know that a tantrum doesn't get you everything you want. I'm lost.

He just turned 2 a month ago, btw.

[TrickyBob]

Beats me, but I wanted to say he is a cutie!

[niceastra]

PS. Once it took forever to calm him down, shortly after I got him in the bath and ready for bed and then he told me he was hungry. Last night, the tantrum wasn't that bad but I resigned to just giving him toast and a banana in the living room. He would not sit at the table.

[StormyDixon]

put the food in front of him, give him time to eat it then get him down. he won't starve, he will eat when he is ready and he will eat what you put in front of him.

also try not even turning on the tv for a few days and see if that changes his behavior

[StormyDixon]

Aug 23, 2012 17:06:25 GMT -5 niceastra said:

PS. Once it took forever to calm him down, shortly after I got him in the bath and ready for bed and then he told me he was hungry. Last night, the tantrum wasn't that bad but I resigned to just giving him toast and a banana in the living room. He would not sit at the table.

well he won that one, good luck

[niceastra]

Aug 23, 2012 17:07:08 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

put the food in front of him, give him time to eat it then get him down. he won't starve, he will eat when he is ready and he will eat what you put in front of him.

also try not even turning on the tv for a few days and see if that changes his behavior

Usually I tell him it's dinner time, show him his food and ask him to come sit down. Usually the problem starts when he won't sit down, I try to make him and he resists. Do I force him to sit down?? This is when the tantrum usually starts.

[daisyheadmaizie]

I wouldn't engage in a huge power struggle with him. If you give in once it will just get worse. Figure out what your rules are, let him know what they are, and stick to them.

[sonrisa]

That is tricky. I usually ignore tantrums, but it sounds like that is exactly what he wants - to be left alone. Do you do timeouts with him? If not and you want to start, I found the book "123 Magic" useful.

[niceastra]

I try to ignore the tantrum once it gets out of hand, but sometimes I tell him we need to go take a break in his room to calm down. I do do timeouts for other things (like biting), but I am just not sure this is something I want to give him a timeout for.

[daisyheadmaizie]

How about giving him the choice of sitting at the table and eating dinner or he can spend that time in his room. If he gets hungry later, he can sit at the table and eat. I would remain firm on dinner is eaten at the table. After a few times in his room, I am guessing he will choose to eat with everyone else.

[StormyDixon]

Aug 23, 2012 17:53:01 GMT -5 daisyheadmaizie said:

How about giving him the choice of sitting at the table and eating dinner or he can spend that time in his room. If he gets hungry later, he can sit at the table and eat. I would remain firm on dinner is eaten at the table. After a few times in his room, I am guessing he will choose to eat with everyone else.

THis exactly! Except takeit a step farther, tell him that from now on, all tantrums are only allowed in his room with the door closed. He starts to throw one, calmly pick him up and out him in his room, repeat as necessary.

[niceastra]

Thanks ladies. You are helpful as always.

I have told him that it was dinner time and that when he's ready to come eat, but I think that allowed a little too much freedom. I think telling him to go to his room is a good balance.

I know the TV is a major catalyst, it's just hard when H is OOT. I think I am going to freeze meals before I go back to work next week. Now I try to do most of the prep work for dinner while he naps. Soon I won't have that option.

Thanks again.

[StormyDixon]

Aug 23, 2012 18:03:47 GMT -5 niceastra said:

Thanks ladies. You are helpful as always.

I have told him that it was dinner time and that when he's ready to come eat, but I think that allowed a little too much freedom. I think telling him to go to his room is a good balance.

I know the TV is a major catalyst, it's just hard when H is OOT. I think I am going to freeze meals before I go back to work next week. Now I try to do most of the prep work for dinner while he naps. Soon I won't have that option.

Thanks again.

Don't tell him when he is ready to come eat,you aren't a short order cook. Say firmly, son dinner is ready, come sit down and lets eat together.

Even at 3 he may be able to help you with dinner instead of watch tv Let him play in the lots and pans, or the pantry. Does he have a toy shopping cart? He can have a great time shopping in the pantry, then coming home and putting his groceries away. my 3 year old granddaughter loves loading and unloading the dishwasher, I give her clean dishes that she can't break. I am also lucky to have laundry right off the kitchen, she can entertain herself doing laundry too, pulling the clothes out of the dryer and folding them. does he like to color? Tell him he can color as long as he sits at the table or in his high hair etc, then you can just sit his plate in front of him he is already in position.

There are so many ways to engage them while still getting things done.

[greylady]

Maybe I'm the stupid parent here, instilling bad habits, but if DD doesn't want to sit at the table I don't make her. If she's just crabbing, being a typical toddler, I make her suck it up and deal. Some nights however, she just can't sit and focus on eating. So I put her plate on a chair she can reach and let her come and go, grazing on her meal. Before I started this there was a 100% chance her meal would end up on the floor on those nights, both of us crying/ pissed off.

[saraandmichael]

We aren't big table eaters. We eat together at the table sometimes, other times we sit on the couch or the floor. Maybe changing it up with him would be fun? Unless you are set on having table dinners together.

Also, how about having him help you? He can put the forks at the plates or help you put food into serving dishes or onto the plates. This helped with my kids when they would fight like this...sort of like they had pride in what they did and would then want to sit and eat.

Finally, if he doesnt want to eat then tell him that when he gets hungry later he can have the dinner and not something else.

[greylady]

Oh, and I agree with PPs and having him help. My DD loves to set the table - which means taking every condiment out if the fridge and putting it on the table. She is proud of her work and helping and being involved. I also have her set her own plate and fork and spoon, and put them in the dishwasher after. She loves helping.

[onesweetworld]

I just let M eat her favorite tuff for now. I don't push it anymore and dot force her to do much re: dinner. I figure when she's good and ready she will eat dinner sitting down. She does well at breakfast and lunch so 2/3 is okay with me.