So jumbled

[closertofine]

Yes, I have a call in to my therapist. Yes, we are continuing with couples therapy to navigate this process.

I posted over the weekend about beginning the divorce process. This is a new sn.  Attorneys have been secured, and I am taking a half day today from work to attend to opening bank accounts and make phone calls. We cut cable, home security system, cleaning lady, and we are working on other non essentials.

We've begun discussing custody and money.  For the most part, things are going amicably, but I can already see some things that are going to be issues.  Both attorneys have advised that the more we are able to take care of on our own, the cheaper this will be for everyone.  MM isn't my homeboard for no good reason.

My biggest decision lies in what to do with the house, if I can even continue to afford it. There are so many factors into play. The kids, where I work, where he works (and hour apart from each other, our home is in the middle), do I want my kids to go to my very small school where I teach and they will have me twice? I have friends in both places. I'd like a condo because of maintenance, but I have two dogs.  Dividing the equity in the house is proving to be an issue.  The house hold ugly memories for me, but it is the only home my children, 4 and 2.5, have ever known, and it is a quality home/environment.  He wants me and the kids to stay in the house. His apartment, which he can't secure until Jan 1., is two miles away from the home and daycare.  I don't love our current school district anymore, and we had been talking about moving anyway, though he didn't really want to.  He's pressing me for a decision. He wants this over as soon as possible.  I do too. But this house decision is stressing me the eff out.

I think what I would like is to stay in the home for another year and a half and make a decision before my daughter starts kindergarten. Keep them in their home and adjust to living separately before uprooting them from their known environment too. But I don't know yet if I can afford it or want to.

This is just a brain dump. I have a million questions. I haven't eaten since saturday. I am feeling really sad, though this was my decision.

[jojoandleo]

I don't think I can help you with this. It's about what you want. I personally would want to get rid of the house. Your kids are young enough they probably are not THAT attached to the house. If you wait another year or two, that is more time for them to become attached. I think if you eventually want to move, you should do it now. Make a clean break and move on. BUT, you have to do what makes you happy.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 28, 2015 12:21:26 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I don't think I can help you with this. It's about what you want. I personally would want to get rid of the house. Your kids are young enough they probably are not THAT attached to the house. If you wait another year or two, that is more time for them to become attached. I think if you eventually want to move, you should do it now. Make a clean break and move on. BUT, you have to do what makes you happy.

this .. I moved out of the rental xh and I had and moved into my place about 30 mins w a better school district and an hr chopped off of my commute. DD was just 4 when we made the move to a 800 SF apt from a 1400 SF house - she didn't notice a difference, she still had her own room. She remembers the 'old' house but isn't 'attached' to it in any way shape or form. There was no change to her world other than her dad was no longer a part of her and we had a new place to live - she was still at the same dcp, still had the dogs ...

[jigsy]

You are in a tough spot, but I would first do what is best for your kids, and I don't think staying where they have always known is necessarily what that means. If having them attend the school you work at would be good for them, then I would consider looking at places closer to there because then when they make friends, they will live near them.
Kids are so resilient, they will be happy if you are happy.

[glynn]

You are your kids stability not the house. I would make a clean break of it all now if I could. I would not want to struggle. If our house would sell this is what I want to do. Has not happened yet and we are both still living in it. Ugh. Could I afford to stay with DD2, yes. At 42 do I want to struggle, no. Smaller place for DD2 and I with no H is all I want for Thanksgiving or Christmas!!

[1confused1]

I stayed in the house for about a year and a half and it was a struggle financially, I was stressed about money all the time. It was my dream house, but I knew the kids and I would be happier in a place that was smaller and less expensive.

I was so worried about moving the kids, but, as everyone says, kids are resilient. I am happier and less stressed so the kids are happier. We also get to do a lot more things since I am not counting every penny now.