Feeling bonded with your baby

[cactuscookie]

I feel like this is a lot easier without a history of infertility or loss.

So, when did you start to feel a bond with your baby? Or, if you haven't, when do you think you might be able to?

My mom came with me to my 8-week ultrasound, and I remember her asking me afterward if I was excited, and me saying no and feeling bad about it. After the 11-week ultrasound, when the baby actually looked sort of baby-ish and was moving around like crazy, I felt a little better. I remember pulling out the ultrasound picture a few times and looking at it.

But it was really the chromosome screening results that were the turning point. We found out the sex that day too, which I think helps me.

But it's still scary. Sometimes I feel like I love this little growing thing, and then I get nervous.

[G22]

That's a good question. I think I started feeling more connected to the pregnancy and baby when I started feeling him move (around 19 weeks). And then even more so after finding out the sex. It was definitely gradual though. Before that, I think I was still afraid it might get ripped away. I still feel a bit of disconnect in the sense of, I-know-I'm-pregnant-and that-is-my-baby-in-there, but even though I'm days from delivering it still hasn't quite sunk in that this kicking child inside me is actually coming home with me soon. I do feel very bonded/connected with him now, but in a weird way that I'm sure will change once he's actually here and I can see him, and not just feel him.

I have no idea if that even makes sense.

[loira]

I've struggled a lot with this. I think a real turning point for me was also getting the genetic results back, and learning the sex. I initially thought maybe we shouldn't find out, but then decided that I would probably get emotionally attached either way, so I wanted to know more about the tiny human inside me in case it was the only time we had together.

I still have days where I struggle to feel connected. I'm emotionally all in, but I can't be all in all the time, if that makes sense. It's too exhausting, and I end up feeling bad about not thinking about V enough, and then I end up crying.

[callmehales]

I feel connected in the "please please please don't go anywhere" sense...but it doesn't feel like my baby yet.

At our 2nd u/s, DH asked "aren't you excited??" I told him no, I was scared out of my mind.

[ssg73]

It has been tough for me as well. Partially I am sure it is because I am not carrying this time. I think feeling the baby kick has helped. I am still in the terrified zone. I really won't feel ok until said baby is here. I think knowing the gender would help but I don't think completely.

[tarajane]

With #1 (also after infertility), I wasn't comfortable until after the a/s at 18 weeks and finding out it was a boy.

I'm expecting the same with this one. I'm not at all bonded now - too cautious.

[belovedbride07]

I felt pretty attached after our first ultrasound, but still scared for a long time. It just seemed too good to be true! And it still feels that way, but as I've been interacting with them more -- playing them lullabies, trying out their names, talking to them and pushing back when they kick me -- I've definitely felt more like these are my babies!

I will say that I have been incredibly fortunate that pregnancy hormones seem to do good things to my mental/emotional well-being. I haven't been happier in years; this has been scary, but I haven't been nearly as anxious as I was pre-pregnancy. I'm sure that has definitely helped with my feelings of bonding. I guess I'll take that as a trade-off with the morning sickness that's still plaguing me!

[bcarp30]

I bonded with DD almost immediately after we found out she was a girl. I've always dreamed of having a littl girl and at that point I was 20 weeks so it was still later than a lot of people. However, I will say I didn't truly bond until I met her. Part of me was always reserved and not wanting to get too excited, just in case.

With this baby, I'm really struggling. I'm nervous to have a boy, nervous for how DD will handle this change, trying to set up the room, trying to pick a name. So all this has taken away from the time I had with DD where I could just sit and think about her. I'm hoping it will be the same, and once I meet him will feel a similar bond to what I felt with DD.

It is totally normal to not feel a bond while pregnant, or even right away once they're born. As much as you love this baby with everything in you, it's still a brand new person you're meeting! It takes time to learn each other's habits and likes/dislikes, just on a different scale.

[KaraOrNot]

I never really bonded during pregnancy (too nervous throughout) and it it was 6-8 weeks before I really felt an overwhelming love for him.

[boiler717]

I don't know if I've truly bonded. I'm still somewhat waiting for the shoe to drop. I'm definitely excited and attached to the baby, but I still have a hard time picturing him or her being here.

[cactuscookie]

Oct 29, 2015 23:20:39 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

I will say that I have been incredibly fortunate that pregnancy hormones seem to do good things to my mental/emotional well-being. I haven't been happier in years; this has been scary, but I haven't been nearly as anxious as I was pre-pregnancy. I'm sure that has definitely helped with my feelings of bonding.

Same here. I swear pregnancy gives me anti-PMS.

[jessnpaul]

With my last pregnancy I think the bond started when I could feel him kick. That happened later than for most people because he was 4 weeks behind in growth plus I had an anterior placenta... so I don't think I felt that until 22/23-ish weeks. I have an anterior placenta this time around too, so I figure it'll be awhile.

I'm hoping this time my husband will be able to feel kicks... last time I only made it to 32 weeks and the kicks never got that large (well, outside of what I felt!) for him to feel them.

[azurely]

Once he started moving and we found out he was a boy. Those both happened within a week of each other, at 18-19 weeks. Both helped me to feel like there was an actual baby growing in my stomach and that's when I started to feel a stronger connection with him.

[ivy]

I'm still having a hard time fully grasping that there's going to be a baby at the end of this. I think I'll bond once she's here. It's gotten better since I've been able to feel more consistent and dynamic movements.

[babyrn]

I'm really worried about bonding with this baby. I am afraid I will constantly be thinking that there should be two.

[boiler717]

Oct 31, 2015 8:15:50 GMT -5 ivy said:

I'm still having a hard time fully grasping that there's going to be a baby at the end of this. I think I'll bond once she's here. It's gotten better since I've been able to feel more consistent and dynamic movements.

I keep saying stuff to DH like "can you believe we have a playroom in our house?! Can you believe we have baby clothes?! Look we have a crib, I can't believe it!" And he's all like "duh, we are having a baby, of course we have that stuff!"

[loira]

Oct 31, 2015 22:03:05 GMT -5 babyrn said:

I'm really worried about bonding with this baby. I am afraid I will constantly be thinking that there should be two.

((hugs)) It's okay if it's always a little bittersweet for you from now on.