Would you mind giving me some dating advice?

[al320]

Pretty please?

H&F is my home board but ive posted over here a few times. Im recently single and started dating (online). I met my ex when i was 25 (im 38 now) so its been a loooonnnngg time and i suddenly feel stupid - which i never was before i got married lol im just out of practice.

So i met this guy online. We hit it off IMMEDIATELY. We are looking for the exact same thing, are very much on the same page, and it just seemed good. First time we talked on the phone it was like we knew each other already, no awkwardness at all (to be fair, we are both very extroverted and chatty). When we tried to make plans he warned me that work is crazy for him, and we rescheduled once. He has the kind of job (and i know this to be true) where hes working 6-7 days a week till 9 or 10pm (its always long hours but got this bad a few months ago, he said). He seemed exhausted, complained a lot about it in specific detail and said he was trying to find the time to send out resumes so he can go somewhere with normal long hours (if that makes sense). We hung out once and it was great, he texted me the next day to say he had a blast. We hung out again the next week, he was clearly exhausted, but we had a great time, when i left he told me to text him when i got home. I did, and he wrote back the next day (i hit traffic and im sure he was asleep when i texted him, it was like 130am). We had another date tentatively planned which he cancelled bc he was stuck at work. That was a week and a half ago.

Before that, its not like i heard from him everyday, and thats totally fine. But id hear from him. To be honest, he seemed super into me. He thanked me for being patient with him bc of work and just generally seemed genuinely into me. Since then, if i text him (which ive only done a few times), he writes back, more than one word lol, with smiley faces, calling me sweetie, etc. But otherwise i havent heard from him. I texted him friday to see if he was around, and he responded - again, more than just 'working' - to tell me he was working, complaining about it, and that he was planning to send out resumes this week.

Since then, radio silence.

I realize weve hung out twice and i barely know him, but he didnt seem like the kind of person to just blow me off. But i sort of feel....blown off. "Too busy" is like indicator #1 of a blow off, but this is a little bit more substantial than that just a 'sorry babe busy.' You know what i mean?

So heres my question - best guess,.am i being blown off? Am i being naive to think he might actually be stressed and exhausted from work? I dont mind that he works a lot, i was just looking forward to getting to know him.

Fwiw, i dont doubt hes talking to other people and i dont care about that. I am too lol im just..surprised if hes blowing me off.

Jeez i dont remember being this bad at dating lol

Ok thank you, this was long.

[Deleted]

It sounds likely that he's really, really busy, but I mean how long does it take to return a text? I'd probably just let it be for now and see if he reaches out. Sounds like it's already a lot of work and it's only been two dates. If he reaches out and ask to hang again I probably would, but I don't think I'd invest any more effort on my end. Good luck! Dating can be really hard these days it seems.

[al320]

Nov 4, 2015 14:22:12 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

It sounds likely that he's really, really busy, but I mean how long does it take to return a text? I'd probably just let it be for now and see if he reaches out. Sounds like it's already a lot of work and it's only been two dates. If he reaches out and ask to hang again I probably would, but I don't think I'd invest any more effort on my end. Good luck! Dating can be really hard these days it seems.

Thank you! That was exactly the approach i was going to take.

He returns texts lol he just hasnt initiated in a while. Which really takes two seconds, but his mind would have to be there first, you know?

[brooke77]

I think he's busy with work and it doesn't sound like he's blowing you off. Would dating someone with that schedule/limited availability work for you?

[imalwaysme79]

I'm kinda with pdx on this one. I also think you need to ask yourself if you're willing to get into a relationship with someone who is *this* busy (assuming that this is the case). Good luck.

[al320]

Nov 4, 2015 14:33:20 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

I think he's busy with work and it doesn't sound like he's blowing you off. Would dating someone with that schedule/limited availability work for you?

Nov 4, 2015 14:36:26 GMT -5 imalwaysme79 said:

I'm kinda with pdx on this one. I also think you need to ask yourself if you're willing to get into a relationship with someone who is *this* busy (assuming that this is the case). Good luck.

Thanks! And yeah, im ok with it. I dont need to see him all the time, i just am nervous its not more than work. I have no idea where this nutty insecurity came from. I wasnt this bad when i was a teenager!

[al320]

Nov 4, 2015 14:44:46 GMT -5 chocolatepickle said:

I am not dating yet so I probably don't really know what I am talking about. On the other hand, I am not emotionally invested in your situation and I've been thinking long and hard about what I would want once I am ready to date so take for what it's worth.

Personally, regardless of whether he is into you or not, I would be weary of his busy schedule. You might be fine with one night a week right now as a miscellaneous attraction but what if you end up marrying the guy, would you be fine with this schedule? So these are my deep thoughts. His extra busy schedule was sort of a turn off for me in your story.

I appreciate that, thank you. Im definitely not looking for that currently, so its not a concern. Im dating other people (ill assume he is too, whether or not he is right at this moment), and im happy to take my time getting to know him.

[bl]

I would bet he is just really busy and I have noticed that a lot of guys when super busy/stressed they withdraw. I don't think that makes it right, but I have noticed it. I have had guys reach back out when they aren't as busy/stressed and gone out (if I was available still, def did not put my life on hold) and then it's been fine. I agree with pdx I wouldn't put more energy into it, but if he fixes his situation and reaches out I would give him another chance.

[al320]

Nov 4, 2015 15:09:12 GMT -5 bl said:

I would bet he is just really busy and I have noticed that a lot of guys when super busy/stressed they withdraw. I don't think that makes it right, but I have noticed it. I have had guys reach back out when they aren't as busy/stressed and gone out (if I was available still, def did not put my life on hold) and then it's been fine. I agree with pdx I wouldn't put more energy into it, but if he fixes his situation and reaches out I would give him another chance.

Thanks!! I appreciate the perspective

[al320]

Also, i should add, one of my best friends has this sort of schedule, 75% of the year she works 90-100 hrs a week. She has the hardest time dating bc guys always assume shes blowing them off. So i guess im a little sympathetic to her cause lol

[kaneen]

Nov 4, 2015 19:05:09 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

He may be busy and stressed, but people make time for the things and people they want to make time for. 

x2

[starburst604]

Nov 4, 2015 19:05:09 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

He may be busy and stressed, but people make time for the things and people they want to make time for. 

My thoughts exactly. Even if he's too busy to get together, I refuse to believe that anyone is too busy to send a text for DAYS. I think there's more to it than busy. There will be other great guys who have time for you.

[wanderlustmom]

Nov 6, 2015 19:49:50 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Nov 4, 2015 19:05:09 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

He may be busy and stressed, but people make time for the things and people they want to make time for. 

My thoughts exactly. Even if he's too busy to get together, I refuse to believe that anyone is too busy to send a text for DAYS. I think there's more to it than busy. There will be other great guys who have time for you.

That's what I think too. I think if it's really working, you will know it and know it soon. Men are straightforward. Just my opinion, but wait for the guy to date that you never have to overanalyze. Even when just starting out--any man worthy of you should get it right. Even if you both are casual and dating other people--if he doesn't pursue you and make you feel adored--I would move on.

[glitzyglow]

Have you heard from him al320?

[al320]

Nov 8, 2015 14:18:32 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Have you heard from him al320?

We have tentative plans for later. I have no expectations. If he blows me off im done. I also have a back up for tonight lol

And thanks for asking i camt decide if i should even bother contacting him later about tonight or not.