How to End a Dating Relationship?

[LoveThePits]

Hello ladies! I'm 99% lurker, but have posted a few times over the years. I was married for seven years (no kids) and have been divorced for almost two.  I should know this by now, but it is something that I struggled with when dating before I was married, and now, post-divorce, I'm finding that I still have the same struggle. 

 

How do you break up with someone that you've been dating for a few months? I know this question sounds ridiculous, but I'm a people pleaser and have a really hard time doing or saying anything that will upset others, even if it's in everyone's best interest.  I can handle ending things when it's early on and we've only been out on a few dates, or even later on once a relationship has been established, if a deal breaker presents itself (I have anxiety about doing it, but I can do it).  My issue is when I'm dating a guy for a few months who is a great guy, he's fun and we have a good time together, but...  it's just not there for anything more. Obviously at this point we're beyond the fade away, or even the simple "I just don't see a romantic relationship"...  so what do you say/do? 

Please ask any questions you may have, I will answer just about anything... within reason. 

[1confused1]

I think the only way to really do this is to just rip off the band aid and do it. Breaking up is uncomfortable for everyone involved, I think you just need to tell him the truth, you enjoy his company but don't see this long term. It's better for everyone involved to not drag it out.

[calle28]

To me, this is the worst part of dating.

Call him and just be very upfront. Something along the lines of, "I've had a great time getting to know you, you're a great guy, but I don't see this going any further." Keep it short and simple!

[bg]

Nov 9, 2015 12:13:40 GMT -5 LoveThePits said:

Hello ladies! I'm 99% lurker, but have posted a few times over the years. I was married for seven years (no kids) and have been divorced for almost two.  I should know this by now, but it is something that I struggled with when dating before I was married, and now, post-divorce, I'm finding that I still have the same struggle. 

 

How do you break up with someone that you've been dating for a few months? I know this question sounds ridiculous, but I'm a people pleaser and have a really hard time doing or saying anything that will upset others, even if it's in everyone's best interest.  I can handle ending things when it's early on and we've only been out on a few dates, or even later on once a relationship has been established, if a deal breaker presents itself (I have anxiety about doing it, but I can do it).  My issue is when I'm dating a guy for a few months who is a great guy, he's fun and we have a good time together, but...  it's just not there for anything more. Obviously at this point we're beyond the fade away, or even the simple "I just don't see a romantic relationship"...  so what do you say/do? 

Please ask any questions you may have, I will answer just about anything... within reason. 

Say what you said here!

[cuddlyevil]

If you need to, write down what you want to say. It will help you stay on point and you can redirect if you get flustered.

[LoveThePits]

Thank you all! 

Nov 9, 2015 15:40:52 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

If you need to, write down what you want to say. It will help you stay on point and you can redirect if you get flustered.

And this is a good idea.  I know I'll feel better if I at least start with a plan.

Thanks again!

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2015 14:25:39 GMT -5 calle28 said:

To me, this is the worst part of dating.

Call him and just be very upfront. Something along the lines of, "I've had a great time getting to know you, you're a great guy, but I don't see this going any further." Keep it short and simple!

This, and don't get sucked into any negotiations or lengthy explanations/justifications, if it goes that route. I was single all through my 20s and really struggled with breakups, too. Hopefully he'll take it well, but if he starts wanting you to go over minute detail, just keep going back to your "I just don't see this going any further" line and end the call. I got trapped in too many discussions where I felt I had to justify myself or give them some "reason" they would accept. But you don't have to. You know yourself and your feelings. Good luck and stay strong!