Kid for Holidays

[glynn]

So H announced last night that he is taking DD2(only child together) to SC for the Thanksgiving holiday. We have been separated since 5/5 but still live together with DD2. I have 2 adult children that probably will not be coming home for the first time ever. DS is overseas in the Marines. DD1 is a senior in collage and has 2 hospital jobs plus she really needs the money since I am not longer able to help her with money.

DD2 is adopted and her blood aunt is in SC and that is were he wants to go. I love them and fine for him to take her to visit on any other weekend than a holiday weekend. We both have off work Thursday thru Sunday and I want her home so she can spend time with us both. I refuse to go on a 10 hour car ride with him when he is the one with the girlfriend that I found out about in May. We were still playing family for DD2 until she found messages on his phone from his girlfriend saying I love you. She came and told me repeatedly that Carla R loves her Dad. It a crazy was this is his extended family but not by blood. Our parents and siblings all live in TN were we do.

Can I stop him from taking her. My lawyer says do let him but I am not sure how to prevent it. She says I have as much right as he does and I know this. Any ideas??

[cuddlyevil]

You need to talk to your attorney and/or him. If you're no comfortable with him taking her nor did you agree to allow her to go, then you should have a say.

However, I don't know that you can prevent him from taking her--unless she's at risk of being harmed.

[glynn]

It's not that I am uncomfortable with his or them. It is the long holiday weekend that I get off work for that I want to spend with the only of my 3 kids that I can. I have never not had my kids for the holidays and it sucks....

If I was divorced I could go out with a guy friend and make it a little better. My only real friend is a guy and he refuses to be out with me while I am married. We dated 10 plus years ago and he is single.

[doriswe]

This reads as a big old "screw you" to H and not at all about what's in DD's best interest, IMHO.

Take a step back...look at what is best for DD. And then take a further step back and realize that you two are probably going to have to split holidays moving forward. Would you want him to put road blocks in place for you to take DD some place on a holiday?

[kanga1]

I wouldn't waste attorney fees on this. I would come to an agreement with STBX regarding this current Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ex-If you take her Thanksgiving then I get her for Christmas. Sooner or later you're going to have to start splitting the holidays so might as well start now. I know it sucks but it's the reality. {{{Hugs}}}

[sessy]

Have you filed? in my state after I filed the papers neither of us could take the kids out of state without the permission of the other. If one did without permission it was kidnapping.

[glynn]

Yes, I filed in June. I told him if he moves out we can go by the custody agreement we have in place. I would not take her away from him on any holiday and I expect the same. We all still live together and DD2 does not know. This is our new reality I understand that but I think telling me a week before is not fair. Here we both can see her and our families.

[cuddlyevil]

You're not helping her. You have already filed but not told her?

Boundaries need to be put in place. The reality is that you will not always have her for the holidays. Yes that sucks but it is what life is now. Find more friends and distract yourself.

[1confused1]

Sorry, I can't get past the "I filed but we're still playing family but my daughter knows her dad has a girlfriend that he loves".

What?!

And "If I was divorced I could go out with a guy friend and make it a little better. My only real friend is a guy and he refuses to be out with me while I am married. We dated 10 plus years ago and he is single."

What?!

[cuddlyevil]

1confused1 that's where I am at. If your only "friend" is an exBF who won't hang out with you until you're divorced--I have news for you: he isn't a friend.

I know your daughter is young, but she needs to know. ESPECIALLY since she saw the texts.

[Deleted]

Playing family doesn't help anyone. I don't understand prolonging the inevitable. Get a custody situation set up, divide up the holidays and go from there. Could you travel to see one of your adult children for this thanksgiving?