Im a single mom living in the suburb of a LCOL city. I'm going to be 41 next week and the dating pool where I live is more like a puddle. It's a small city. I was called about a position in a MCOL city about 5 hrs away. A much larger city with a much larger "singles scene". I live near my family and it's nice to know that I have people close by to help me in an emergency with my child. I don't particularly like anyone in my family, but they are family. But if I stay here I really don't have much of a chance of meeting a decent guy, which is something I've come to accept.
Back to the job... The total comp- base plus bonus is $200k. Right now I make just under $150k. Using the COL comparison, $150k is the equivalent if $175k there so it would be about $25k more. My closest friend lives in the new city too and I really don't have many friends where I live now. She is trying to convince me to go for the job but I'm afraid to give up the safety net of my family being a single mom.
Thoughts?
Small Update: I emailed the recruiter this morning and he's going to call me tonight!
Udpdate#2- call with recruiter went well. He's going to work on getting a phone interview with hiring manager this week. Found out who the company is and I'm blown away! Wow. Wish I could post it. Position open since August and they haven't had anyone in to interview yet. They're having a hard time finding the right skill set and the recruiter thought I'd be perfect. We'll see.
Update #3 - recruiter's assisstant called and hiring manager wants to speak with me TOMORROW!!! (on the phone) YAY!!
Update #4 - had phone interview, I think it went well but my voice sounded bad because I have a cold. Waiting for the recruiter to hear something now about an in person interview. They are only flying in one final candidate so if I make it to the next step it's almost a sure thing. Won't find out until after Thanksgiving though because hiring manager is out next week. So if I were to go there it would hopefully be 2nd week in December. I am hoping that if I were to be offered and take the job I could move between Christmas and New Years and start beginning of Jan so my son could change schools over Christmas break but I don't know if the stars will align for all that.
My first thought was no way, until you mentioned your BFF was there. If she's committed to being your family support, I would consider it. Would your family be able or willing to fly or drive to stay with you if you really needed their help? How much help do you get from them now? Daily, weekly, monthly, only in emergencies? Living away from family with kids is hard, and I'm not single, but then I remind myself if we lived near family we probably wouldn't see them that much anyways. I don't believe them when they swear they'd always be available to babysit if we moved back home.
One issue you don't mention is how old your child is and how they would react to a move, so that would be a consideration for me. You also don't mention the child's father, and if he is local, in the picture at all, what if any kind of support you get from him, and how your child would react to moving away from him. May not be an issue, but that would be an important factor for me.
Overall, though, I always think it is good to take chances and see what else is out there if you are unhappy in your current situation. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always had" and all that jazz.
My son is 10 and I think the move would be hard for him. He'd obviously have to change schools which he did last school year (we just moved across town) and didn't like because he had to make new friends. He doesn't like our neighborhood (either do I) because there aren't any kids to play with so that wouldn't upset him.
His dad isn't local to either location but new city has much better flight availability so flying to see his dad would be easier/cheaper.
My first thought was no way, until you mentioned your BFF was there. If she's committed to being your family support, I would consider it. Would your family be able or willing to fly or drive to stay with you if you really needed their help? How much help do you get from them now? Daily, weekly, monthly, only in emergencies? Living away from family with kids is hard, and I'm not single, but then I remind myself if we lived near family we probably wouldn't see them that much anyways. I don't believe them when they swear they'd always be available to babysit if we moved back home.
My mom will watch my son pretty much for emergencies only. He hates going to their house, and my mom won't really babysit here (our house) unless it's an emergency or a rare occasion when I can't get a sitter and need to go somewhere (like a wedding or if I have concert tickets). She'll also come here on a morning if I have to get to work early (I drop him at school at 8:00 and am at work at 8:30 usually). So it's about 4 times a year or so. Last year I was in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks and my brother had my son stay with him. And when I was in a car accident last year my mom and BIL came to the ER to get me and my BIL drove my car home. It scares me to only have BFF in an emergency because she'd be there for me if she could but she's a single mom too with a job, etc. She's lived there for like 15 years though with a big social circle so I'd make friends fast. (I don't have a big social circle here, I've lived here 4 years and my life revolves around my son and job)
Absolutely, you can make the decision about accepting the job when you get an offer. Honestly, if it is a good opportunity professionally and personally you can pay for a lot of help with that extra $25k.
I definitely would, especially since you have your BFF in the new city and don't currently like your particular neighborhood right now. It's nice to live close to family, but I think the opportunity you have here is a good one, so I'll take it. I feel like you might be generally happier in the new city.
Wow this is so interesting, I figured everyone would say no...to stay near family. I'm going to call the recruiter back Monday.
I should add I just bought a house last summer so I might take a hit selling it. That's a factor too. Love the house, ended up hating the neighborhood though. Here my house was $240k. There a similar house would be about $400k. I just googled the location of the job and its 12 minutes from my friends house! This is a city known for bad traffic so the location worried he but it looks perfect! I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the input!
Move. The only positive to where you currently live is family to help watch your son. Find an army of babysitters in the new town and that point is moot.
Also, you said your son is 10 so in a few years someone to help with him won't be relevant. What will be relevant is that you will be somewhere you clearly don't want to be if you stay.
I would absolutely consider it. Maybe use some of the increasing income to enroll your son in an activity, this will help him build friends faster and help you find a network of friends who know your son.
I would consider it... absolutely. Probably the one thing that would stop me was if my kid was really happy in his current school/local friends and that doesn't sound like the case unless things have really improved lately. Based on what you've posted about your family, that wouldn't worry me, but I might talk to my son and try to find a good fit for him as well or involve him or try to help him adjust with this move to make it a positive experience.
Now, we don't have kids, so I probably have no idea what I am talking about here and I am not suggesting he gets to pick or dictate the move details or anything, but I would just want him to feel that this was good for him too.
This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you, congratulations.
I would absolutely consider it. Maybe use some of the increasing income to enroll your son in an activity, this will help him build friends faster and help you find a network of friends who know your son.
I would consider it... absolutely. Probably the one thing that would stop me was if my kid was really happy in his current school/local friends and that doesn't sound like the case unless things have really improved lately. Based on what you've posted about your family, that wouldn't worry me, but I might talk to my son and try to find a good fit for him as well or involve him or try to help him adjust with this move to make it a positive experience.
Now, we don't have kids, so I probably have no idea what I am talking about here and I am not suggesting he gets to pick or dictate the move details or anything, but I would just want him to feel that this was good for him too.
This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you, congratulations.
Yea he has friends here and his cousins are his age. I wanted this house the be the house he grew up in... Generally though I'm on the line of being a "mommy martyr". Not in a dramatic way but just that I always put his needs before my own.
I would consider it... absolutely. Probably the one thing that would stop me was if my kid was really happy in his current school/local friends and that doesn't sound like the case unless things have really improved lately. Based on what you've posted about your family, that wouldn't worry me, but I might talk to my son and try to find a good fit for him as well or involve him or try to help him adjust with this move to make it a positive experience.
Now, we don't have kids, so I probably have no idea what I am talking about here and I am not suggesting he gets to pick or dictate the move details or anything, but I would just want him to feel that this was good for him too.
This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you, congratulations.
Yea he has friends here and his cousins are his age. I wanted this house the be the house he grew up in... Generally though I'm on the line of being a "mommy martyr". Not in a dramatic way but just that I always put his needs before my own.
And I want to be clear, that I don't think you giving up your chance for a better life should be sacrificed for your kid. I have no doubt that you will make it a good move for him too just saying you both find some key points in advance that will make him invested in this move being positive too. I'd be miserable if my imaginary kid (or spouse) wasn't on board you know? I'm a trailing spouse, so I think about how it would have been harder to make career moves that might have sucked for the kids we didn't have, lol.
ETA: It's not like you are moving so far that he won't be able to get together with his friends and cousins.
Post by tacosforlife on Nov 14, 2015 12:29:05 GMT -5
You don't like your family that much. Your son is young enough to adjust before high school, and he doesn't like your new neighborhood. You would make more money, which would also enable you to throw some money at the problem if childcare becomes an issue with not being close to family. You'd be close to your good friend. You would have more dating options. You'd presumably have more educational options for your son in a bigger city. It will be easier and cheaper for your son to see his dad (I'm assuming this is a good thing here).
The only real downside I see is that it's change, and change is hard.
But change can also be good! This seems like it has a ton of potential for a great future. I'd go for it in a heartbeat.
Wow this is so interesting, I figured everyone would say no...to stay near family. I'm going to call the recruiter back Monday.
I should add I just bought a house last summer so I might take a hit selling it. That's a factor too. Love the house, ended up hating the neighborhood though. Here my house was $240k. There a similar house would be about $400k. I just googled the location of the job and its 12 minutes from my friends house! This is a city known for bad traffic so the location worried he but it looks perfect! I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the input!
You don't have to buy a house right away. You can always for a year or two while you learn the neighborhoods, investigate the schools, and learn to navigate traffic.
How old are/is your BFF kids? Could you use the same nanny/babysitter for after school care/nights out? I think 10 is a great age to move - old enough to understand some of the reasoning, young enough to make friends in sports/school/camps. Also, a MCOL might offer a greater amount of camps/sports (just throwing that out there, don't know if it really is true).
Could you go spend a weekend or a few days near your BFF and tag along/ do some social activities with your son? Little league game, neighborhood cookout, check out local restaurants, etc?
How old are/is your BFF kids? Could you use the same nanny/babysitter for after school care/nights out? I think 10 is a great age to move - old enough to understand some of the reasoning, young enough to make friends in sports/school/camps. Also, a MCOL might offer a greater amount of camps/sports (just throwing that out there, don't know if it really is true).
Could you go spend a weekend or a few days near your BFF and tag along/ do some social activities with your son? Little league game, neighborhood cookout, check out local restaurants, etc?
She has twin girls, they are 8. We've spent a lot of time visiting. I think it would be a good place for us. My only hesitation is leaving my family... More related to emergency type situations. Also my son leaving his BFF. He said he doesn't want to move.
RIght now this is a job OPPORTUNITY. It isn't a job. Pursue the opportunity. Apply, interiview, see where it goes. You've already started the process- but use this time to think about pros and cons, research the city, neighborhoods, etc.
IF you get to the job offer level, you should probably know if you want to do this or not.
And I'll be blunt- I wouldn't make this decision based on what your 10 year old wants, leaving his BFF. I'm not saying disregard his feelings on this, but not making this move so that your son doesn't leave his BFF.... that's simply not a reason. This is really an adult decision. There are so many factors at play here.
And I'll be blunt- I wouldn't make this decision based on what your 10 year old wants, leaving his BFF. I'm not saying disregard his feelings on this, but not making this move so that your son doesn't leave his BFF.... that's simply not a reason. This is really an adult decision. There are so many factors at play here.
The best of luck!!
I agree with you on the best friend part but I've moved my son quite a bit. At the beginning of last school year we just moved across town and that meant a new school for him which was hard on him. He cried every morning for like two months because he had no friends. It was heartbreaking. And we moved at the beginning of first grade for him too. I just wanted to give him some stability and give him a "house he grew up in". I'm not saying that's a reason to not pursue this opportunity, but it is a factor in the decision.
I agree with you on the best friend part but I've moved my son quite a bit. At the beginning of last school year we just moved across town and that meant a new school for him which was hard on him. He cried every morning for like two months because he had no friends. It was heartbreaking. And we moved at the beginning of first grade for him too. I just wanted to give him some stability and give him a "house he grew up in". I'm not saying that's a reason to not pursue this opportunity, but it is a factor in the decision.
My family moved to a new state when I was a few years older than your DS is now and it was very hard. I was so miserable, but in retrospect, I'm really grateful for it. In time, I did adjust and what I took from it was that I never need to feel limited by geography. At any time, even now, I know I could pick up and move anywhere, and I'd be fine. Most of the friends I grew up with (in both cities) have never moved more than 50 miles from where they were born and most of my friends in my current city are transplants whose families originally moved them sometime before college. It is a huge decision, and while I see the value in (and even have a bit of wistfulness for the idea of) growing up in one house forever, I think a move can instill a free-spirited nature that it's hard to otherwise impart.
If you pursue this, I would also try to sell this as more of an adventure for you both. I know he doesn't want to move, but I agree with visiting more and trying to help him see the positives. Your DS isn't thrilled about where he is now anyway--the idea of another change could remain distressing or maybe he'd get on board. I am not saying you should ignore how he feels about it, but I do think you should at least see where this goes and if you actually get an offer, consider it. Right now, it's little more than an idea.
Because of where they are in the search process I'm pretty sure were I to be offered the position it would happen very quickly. Like from interview to offer to start within a month...we'll see though. Like someone said at this point it's just an opportunity. It's a very niche type of position and with my experience I would definitely be a top candidate. With my current job I went from recruiter call to in person interviews to offer in 4 days. And it was a 1,000 mile relocation. They had been looking to fill my current job for a year. It's just a very specialized type of position and hard to find candidates. We'll see
Post by imojoebunny on Nov 15, 2015 16:59:27 GMT -5
I would go for it. It will be hard on your son, but at the same time, middle school often is. I would look for a neighborhood with lots of kids. I grew up in a neighborhood with only one kid my same age (we are still friends). Maybe 5 kids within an age range I could play with, and while it made me very adaptable to different people, I wished for more opportunities to have friends. If need be, you could look for a townhouse or something that would not be so expensive or require much maintenance, while still giving him a chance to be in a community with more kids, that would allow him to travel more to see his dad or other adventures, and have positive after school/ summer opportunities.