bump C&P

[pugz]

IMO there is no defending what he did, especially not "he needs to be taught how to soothe the baby." No. You don't tell your infant to shut the F up.

my husband would be in deep deep shit.

community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/68296867/ShowThread.aspx#68296867

in case of DD:

DH loses his patience with DS

DH will help out with a feeding in the middle of the night or early morning. I can hear him swearing at my DS through the monitor when he can't stop him from crying. I get so upset and I confront him about it and I tell him that it's not acceptable and he's swearing at an innocent baby. He tells me I'm too soft and then he gets angry at me. I'm at the point where I don't even want him helping out in the middle of the night anymore. Am I overreacting? Am I being too soft? What should I do? He's been so patient for so long but the past week he's been awful. This is ruining our relationship because I'm so angry and disappointed with him that I don't even want to be around him. It's too bad because overall he's such a HUGE help and is usually so good with our son.

[Deleted]

I think it was DDed.

[Deleted]

What concerns me the most is the whole "too soft" thing. I don't think swearing at an infant is ever acceptable or appropriate, but if he was apologetic and said he was just exhausted and frustrated - still not OK IMO but at least he would recognize that it was wrong I guess.

But acting like its normal and if you don't swear at your infant you are too soft.....that actually worries me to the point where I'm not sure I'd trust him to be alone with the baby.

[cjeanette]

too soft? wtf?

[sparkhold]

Her DH reminds me of a friend back in HS who's plan when babysiting was to scream in the kid's face "WAH!" every time they cried. It's pathetic for any man to ever take their emotions out on an innocent baby.

[zeewifeandmama]

Aug 25, 2012 18:45:59 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

What concerns me the most is the whole "too soft" thing. I don't think swearing at an infant is ever acceptable or appropriate, but if he was apologetic and said he was just exhausted and frustrated - still not OK IMO but at least he would recognize that it was wrong I guess.

But acting like its normal and if you don't swear at your infant you are too soft.....that actually worries me to the point where I'm not sure I'd trust him to be alone with the baby.

Yes!This is what makes me go WTF too...

[froggy76]

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

[hannamaren]

Aug 25, 2012 18:45:59 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

What concerns me the most is the whole "too soft" thing. I don't think swearing at an infant is ever acceptable or appropriate, but if he was apologetic and said he was just exhausted and frustrated - still not OK IMO but at least he would recognize that it was wrong I guess.

But acting like its normal and if you don't swear at your infant you are too soft.....that actually worries me to the point where I'm not sure I'd trust him to be alone with the baby.

This
I think we have all had a night when the small baby wont stop crying and we have thought "please shut the f up" (thought, not said) heck there is a book called "go the f to sleep" but I think we all know that saying that will serve no purpose.

It makes me think that "shaken baby" could happen. Scary.

[atouchofklasse]

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

I did today in the middle of the afternoon.

[Deleted]

I have had frustrated moments like that. However I immediately realized it was the WRONG way to handle my emotions, took a break, talked it through with DH & came up with a plan for future moments of frustration. I have a horrible potty mouth & I didn't even realize I had sworn at him. DH had to tell me I dropped an F bomb. I was totally mortified. I also apologized to DS the next day. Even though he was little & didn't understand, I felt that admitting when you are wrong & apologizing while accepting responsibility was the least I
Could do for him.

[oukapu]

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

I have gotten frustrated early on when she kept crying in the middle of the night. I probably swore a few times. I know it wasn't right. Dealing with lack of sleep and a crying baby can behard.

[Deleted]

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

This was my FFFC yesterday.

He should definitely feel bad about it and she is not soft.

[cep1976]

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

Nope. My kid has reflux and bad food intolerances. Before we figured out the right combination of meds and foods to eliminate from my diet, she cried all the time. All. The. Time. I definitely did my fair share of swearing. I felt awful about it, but the feeling of being able to do nothing to console your child is terrible and does not bring out the best in you.

[sewpinkgal]

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

Not full on swearing, but I've definitely hit my breaking point a few times and either screamed or just not been very nice. I have always felt horrible afterwards though and have found a way to get myself back to calm.

I think him not realizing that it isn't the best way to handle the situation is a real problem though.

[jackpackage]

My kid cried from 2:30-9:30 yesterday. There's only so much rocking, shushing, and talking sweetly that I could do. After a few hours I was crying with him begging him to please shut up.

[pugz]

I think everyone loses their temper at some point but it is his attitude and lack of remorse that are disturbing.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Aug 25, 2012 19:59:06 GMT -5 hannamaren said:

Aug 25, 2012 18:45:59 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

What concerns me the most is the whole "too soft" thing. I don't think swearing at an infant is ever acceptable or appropriate, but if he was apologetic and said he was just exhausted and frustrated - still not OK IMO but at least he would recognize that it was wrong I guess.

But acting like its normal and if you don't swear at your infant you are too soft.....that actually worries me to the point where I'm not sure I'd trust him to be alone with the baby.

This
I think we have all had a night when the small baby wont stop crying and we have thought "please shut the f up" (thought, not said) heck there is a book called "go the f to sleep" but I think we all know that saying that will serve no purpose.

It makes me think that "shaken baby" could happen. Scary.

Sadly, it not only could, it does happen. So, so sad.

That father sounds awful. If he were my husband, I absolutely would not allow him alone with the baby.

Not at all the same, but DH used to crack me up. When DD was a teeny newborn, he would try to reason with her in a stern voice. "Now Abigail, you need a diaper change. There is no reason to be screaming." It cracked me up, and after I teased him a couple times he realized that soothing nonsense words worked a lot better :-)

[McGavin]

Aug 25, 2012 21:22:48 GMT -5 cep1976 said:

Aug 25, 2012 19:56:33 GMT -5 froggy76 said:

Am I seriously the only one here who has sworn at their baby in the middle of the night when they won't stop crying?

ETA: I agree that he should feel bad about it, and not say that she is too soft.

Nope. My kid has reflux and bad food intolerances. Before we figured out the right combination of meds and foods to eliminate from my diet, she cried all the time. All. The. Time. I definitely did my fair share of swearing. I felt awful about it, but the feeling of being able to do nothing to console your child is terrible and does not bring out the best in you.

This is absolutely true. I've thrown around a few f bombs in the middle of night but I'd probably be mad at H if he did it. Hypocrite, I know, lol.

[Deleted]

Aug 25, 2012 22:13:59 GMT -5 pugz said:

I think everyone loses their temper at some point but it is his attitude and lack of remorse that are disturbing.

I agree with this. We're human beings; we're going to make mistakes sometimes. But you need to recognize that and be able to acknowledge when it happens so that you can try to do better next time.

And I have definitely lost my temper and yelled at my children. I don't think I ever yelled at them when they were babies but I know I've lost my patience with them over whining or throwing tantrums. It's not the right way to handle things but it happens.

[ECB]

Aug 25, 2012 22:13:59 GMT -5 pugz said:

I think everyone loses their temper at some point but it is his attitude and lack of remorse that are disturbing.

Exactly. He's cussing at his child and he says his wife is "too soft"? The total lack of comprehension on his part that he's wrong is really concerning. I don't care how "good" of a dad he is otherwise - this is concerning.

[bronxgirl]

Aug 26, 2012 8:15:04 GMT -5 ECB said:

Aug 25, 2012 22:13:59 GMT -5 pugz said:

I think everyone loses their temper at some point but it is his attitude and lack of remorse that are disturbing.

Exactly. He's cussing at his child and he says his wife is "too soft"? The total lack of comprehension on his part that he's wrong is really concerning. I don't care how "good" of a dad he is otherwise - this is concerning.

I agree that this is extremely disturbing.

[anna7602]

Aug 26, 2012 8:14:56 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Aug 25, 2012 22:13:59 GMT -5 pugz said:

I think everyone loses their temper at some point but it is his attitude and lack of remorse that are disturbing.

I agree with this. We're human beings; we're going to make mistakes sometimes. But you need to recognize that and be able to acknowledge when it happens so that you can try to do better next time.

And I have definitely lost my temper and yelled at my children. I don't think I ever yelled at them when they were babies but I know I've lost my patience with them over whining or throwing tantrums. It's not the right way to handle things but it happens.[/quote]

Not to be insensitive to how hard it is to keep your shit together when you have a screaming baby and are sleep-deprived, but if he can't handle it now, he's not going to do any better with a 2 or 3-year-old who seems to do everything possible to test the limits of his/her parents' patience. If he thinks the wife is being "too soft" now, I can't imagine how he is going to dictate they handle full-on temper tantrums in a couple of years. Yikes.