Today is hard

[itsalllies]

My husband hasn't made an attempt to talk to me or fix things. For the most part, I've let him have his space. There have been two times that I've been weak and pressed him for answers but he doesn't really give me any. He keeps saying neither of us were happy and he needs time to see what he wants. My head knows divorce is the best option but my heart isn't there yet. I've been with this man since I was 15 and I can't believe this is how it's going to end. Last night, a family member was asking me things and out of nowhere I got very defensive of my husband. Since then, I've been clinging to this hope that it's not over. I know it is but all of the sudden I feel like I'm back tracking. I'm a mess. I know I'm rambling but I just don't know what else to do or say. I guess I just needed to vent.

[bg]

I'm sorry you're hurting. You're not a mess, you're just figuring things out. You'll get there. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

[itsalllies]

Nov 24, 2015 23:43:00 GMT -5 turdferguson said:

I'm sorry you're having a rough day.

Are you in counseling? I think that would be a good start to begin processing what it going on. Is your husband willing to do couples counseling?

I'm sorry I'm not familiar with your backstory (I am an infrequent lurker at best) so I'm not sure if you're still living together. take care of yourself and since he's not giving you the answers you're looking for I think it's going to cause you more heartache to keep seeking them from him right now.

Wishing you peace.

my husband abruptly up and left me and our daughter after a fight. I figured he would come back after cooling down for a couple of days but it's been almost three weeks and he keeps telling me he's not sure what he wants.

I am in counseling but I'm not sure about how I feel about my therapist. First time I loved her and the second time I was eh about her. I'm going to give her another shot and go from there.

[1confused1]

I'm really sorry. Try to do something fun with your daughter to distract yourself.

Hang in there.

[jigsy]

I'm sorry. But you are not alone with your desire to have things work out. For me, I kept hoping my XH would tell me he was sorry. Even after I moved across the country, I had a "plan" to get him back. I was going to work out, get "hot", then go back to visit him in hopes that he'd change his mind.
But in the process of that, every day I wanted it less and less. I stated to realize I wanted someone who wanted to be with me, not someone who could so easily throw me aside.
But it took time. I think it was maybe 5 months of real pain, but slowly that pain lessened and I realized what a blessing the split was.

[glitzyglow]

It is hard. I started dating my ex husband on my 16th birthday and we were together for 10 years when he decided he wanted a divorce. The pain is something I'll never forget, but I can tell you that is does lessen with time. I hung onto hope that we would reconcile for over a year. Ultimately I called it as done and wish I would have done it way sooner, but I know we all have our own paths to take. Much love to you from someone who has been there.

[bg]

Nov 25, 2015 11:13:52 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I'm sorry. But you are not alone with your desire to have things work out. For me, I kept hoping my XH would tell me he was sorry. Even after I moved across the country, I had a "plan" to get him back. I was going to work out, get "hot", then go back to visit him in hopes that he'd change his mind.
But in the process of that, every day I wanted it less and less. I stated to realize I wanted someone who wanted to be with me, not someone who could so easily throw me aside.
But it took time. I think it was maybe 5 months of real pain, but slowly that pain lessened and I realized what a blessing the split was.

Can you please tell me this every day?? :-P

[bg]

itsalllies definitely change therapists if you're not clicking!!

[jenstar]

itsalllies I'm sorry you're going through all of this. You have to know that all of your feelings are totally normal. There is almost no one who can walk away from a marriage without second thoughts, even in horribly abusive situations. It's a huge mindfuck, but you'll get through it one day at a time. x