Would you tell?

[sophie223]

This is a really stupid dilemma, IMO, but I could use some opinions and I'd love to hear from you guys! I'm 8w4d today. We're planning on telling my parents about the pregnancy tonight--they always come down the night before Thanksgiving to help prep for the day. We've been thinking about telling the rest of the family tomorrow. The problem is, it's not just going to be immediate family tomorrow --we're having 17 people over, including some cousins, aunts and uncles that we're not SUPER close to. I wouldn't mind telling just the in-laws (who we're not that close to, either, really--we're much closer with my parents), but there's no way to tell them tomorrow without telling everybody else, too. So, our other option is to wait until Christmas, when I'll be almost past the first trimester. 

I'm worried about a m/c, of course, but I'm also worried that something will be wrong with the baby developmentally, and I definitely don't want to have to explain that to everyone later and go through it all again. 

So, would you tell tomorrow? Or would you wait? 

[EllenGriswold]

If I were you I might tell your parents tonight, but not tell anyone else. It doesn't seem like you are ready so I wouldn't tell just because you feel like you should. Would the in-laws be offended if you told over the phone in the next couple weeks? Or you could have dinner with just them another time?

[tarajane]

We are just a few days ahead and have already told my immediate family and Hs immediate family. We are telling local extended family at Thanksgiving but we are fairly close to them.

We'd probably go public after our 10 week appointment but I'm nervous about the multiple risks.

So I would tell but I might be too breezy.

[sophie223]

Nov 25, 2015 10:10:14 GMT -5 EllenGriswold said:

If I were you I might tell your parents tonight, but not tell anyone else. It doesn't seem like you are ready so I wouldn't tell just because you feel like you should. Would the in-laws be offended if you told over the phone in the next couple weeks? Or you could have dinner with just them another time?

I don't know that I'll ever be ready, lol. They wouldn't be offended, but they are divorced and both live out of town, so we're more likely to tell them when we're all together at Christmas. H wants to tell, I'm iffy about it. The only way I can justify telling my parents and not his is because mine are spending the night and will notice something's up; my mom and I always do mimosas on Thanksgiving morning and she would definitely say something if I declined. H still doesn't think that's fair. 

[boiler717]

Totally your call! I didn't feel comfortable but there's no reason why you can't if you do.

[boiler717]

We told my parents months before DHs. I didn't feel comfortable telling them early; I would not go to them if something happened. He wanted to tell but defaulted to me.

[EllenGriswold]

Nov 25, 2015 10:28:34 GMT -5 sophie223 said:

Nov 25, 2015 10:10:14 GMT -5 EllenGriswold said:

If I were you I might tell your parents tonight, but not tell anyone else. It doesn't seem like you are ready so I wouldn't tell just because you feel like you should. Would the in-laws be offended if you told over the phone in the next couple weeks? Or you could have dinner with just them another time?

I don't know that I'll ever be ready, lol. They wouldn't be offended, but they are divorced and both live out of town, so we're more likely to tell them when we're all together at Christmas. H wants to tell, I'm iffy about it. The only way I can justify telling my parents and not his is because mine are spending the night and will notice something's up; my mom and I always do mimosas on Thanksgiving morning and she would definitely say something if I declined. H still doesn't think that's fair. 

Life isn't fair H. Lol. We told my parents right away, and H's about two weeks later, and I've told one friend and haven't allowed him to tell anyone yet. So maybe I'm being difficult. Maybe you could ask them to stay a little bit later than everyone else and tell them then? Or walk them out when they are leaving and sneak it in? I just don't feel like you should have to tell the whole extended family if you aren't ready, but I understand your H wanting his parents to know.

Whatever you end up deciding will be fine.

[lms]

My thoughts fall along the lines of EllenGriswold. Can you ask them to stay later than the rest of the family and tell them right before they leave? But that's only if you feel comfortable enough to tell them.

[justwaiting]

We told our immediate family soon after we found out we were pregnant. We also told a few close friends that would be there for us if anything happened. I plan on telling more of my family after our ten week appt. Don't feel pressured to announce if you are not ready. I agree with a few others, maybe have them stay later than everyone or take them out to dinner in the next few weeks to tell them. If you are closer to your parents, go ahead and tell them tonight. It all boils down to what you are comfortable with.

[callmehales]

My ILs actually knew before my parents, because I wanted to tell them in person and we saw them a few days before we had plans with my parents. I was nervous, but DH really wanted to tell them...and it's his child too, so I went with it.

[jessnpaul]

My last pregnancy I was due in June and we waited until Christmas to tell relatives (other than close family). I would wait.

[sophie223]

Thank you guys for reaffirming my decision! I called H at lunch and told him I wanted to tell my parents tonight but wait to tell everyone else. He is so excited he wants to shout this news from the rooftop, but he understands.

[loira]

I'm late to this topic, but no. I wouldn't tell. My parents knew about this pregnancy from the beginning, but we waited until 16 weeks to tell my in-laws. After 5 pregnancies, though, the excitement in telling people has worn off even for H.