I cheated.

[gurly43086]

I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I made a huge mistake and have crushed everybody I love and care about. I am completely alone. I did this to myself and I know I deserve every bit of what I'm going through. I don't know where to go from here. How to start picking up the pieces. I am broken.

[cuddlyevil]

Go to survivinginfidelity.com they have a section for those who cheated.

[doriswe]

^^ What she said.

[itsalllies]

Im sorry that you find yourself here. We all mistakes, some bigger than others. I don't know how your spouse feels about it, but infidelity doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. If you are both willing to work at it, you might be able to get past it. More importantly you need to work on why you cheated. Have you considered therapy?

[gurly43086]

Thank you for the responses. It is a very messy situation. We have talked with our pastor and are going to start counseling as soon as possible. He is way more forgiving than I deserve. I don't feel like there is anything left to work for but he is still all in. That's probably how I ended up here in the first place. But I agreed to at least go through all the steps... Counseling, separation and whatnot before making any final decisions about divorce.

[itsalllies]

If you aren't all in, don't go through the motions of pretending to be all in. In my experience, you won't get very far that way and you are only prolonging your SO's pain. If you don't think there is anything to work towards, let him go. He deserves better than that.

[Deleted]

All I can say is that you need to figure out what it is that you want and what your H is willing to do.  If you cheated, obviously something isn't right.  If you're not into the marriage anymore, then let go and don't string him along.  
People make mistakes, of course, we are all human.  But some of us here have been cheated on-- myself included--and it just doesn't sit well with me.  Sorry you're upset now that you've been caught/honest/hit with reality.

[abcdefu]

Like @blueyes623 said, a lot of us here have been cheated on, myself included. While being cheated on hurt, the most hurtful part was going to marriage counseling with my ex-h while he was still cheating. The fact that he pretended he wanted things to work out and was going to the counseling sessions, only for me to find out he was still cheating, was wayyyy more hurtful than if we would have ended it.

Like the other ladies said, if you don't want to work this out, then don't! There is no reason to drag it out any longer.

[m1and1m]

Do you feel like there is nothing to work for in your relationship, or do you feel like you don't deserve it?
If it's the former, don't drag it out. If it's the latter, deal with that situation before making any decisions about your marriage. Deal with why you made the decisions you did, but don't let feelings about your lack of self worth due to your actions dictate your future.

[gurly43086]

It's been three days since my H found about the cheating.
At first he was certain he wanted to fix things. I wasn't.
Now that some of the fog has lifted I have become so disgusted with myself and I can't figure out how I allowed myself to do this. It has finally hit me that I gave up everything.
It feels like a dream. Like this isn't my life and I'm just trying to get from one minute to the next.
After meeting with my pastor yesterday, I figured out that I have so many deeper issues within myself and none of this really had to do with my H or him making me unhappy. I am planning on starting counseling asap. I wasn't able to reach anyone today but I am going to get something scheduled on Monday. I also picked up a few books today.
I feel like I've lost my identity in all of this. Before I can even begin to think about trying to fix my marriage I have to work on myself.
H is staying with family right now and we've worked out our schedule with our two kids so that nothing changes for them. H says he doesn't know what he wants now but he isn't making any decisions anytime soon. He is not one to give up on anything. He has an incredible relationship with Christ and is the most forgiving person I've ever know. But he is hurt. I know I don't deserve him. This is hard.

[itsalllies]

I firmly believe that it is not about the problems we encounter or mistakes we make it is how we handle them. We are human. Everyone makes mistakes. I hope that you and your husband can work this out in the best way for your family. Good luck to you.

[Deleted]

Hugs.

[jojoandleo]

I've been cheated on, and it sucks. A lot. But, I don't think every person who cheats is a terrible person. I used to. Then a good friend cheated. I sat down and talked to her and realized this issue isn't as black and white as everyone wants to think it is. People make mistakes. Individual counseling is a great idea. I also think not making any decisions concerning your marriage right now is a good idea, too. You should realize your husband may decide he cannot forgive this. Just because you decide you want to fix this down the road doesn't mean this is fixable. If after some time in therapy you realize you are done, be kind and let him go. being strung along is the worst. Good luck. Hugs to you.