Monday Randoms

[Deleted]

I don't wanna get out of bed! I'm soooo comfy. Also things are slowly fading out with A and I'm okay with it. It's been four months and it felt like we just stopped moving forward. He met a bunch of my friends and I have yet to meet a single one of his (despite expressing I'd like to). He has totally stopped making any effort to make time for me (I haven't seen him in two weeks and he didn't go out of town or anything for the holidays). There have been stretches where I don't see him for 10 days. I've asked him when he's free and he just says "we'll figure something out." I've proposed specific dates/activities and get turned down. I also have found recently I've been making all of the effort to text him and keep communication going. I'm not really sad. He's a great guy, but I want someone who wants to see and be with me. I always thought I wanted a super laid back dating arrangement but now I've realized I do want more and want the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship. This is the longest I've dated someone since my divorce and it's been a really good learning experience and forced me to push my boundaries. I think at the end of the day "that" just wasn't there for both of us after the initial newness passed. I could totally see us keeping in touch and remaining friends.

[melloyello]

That sounds like it was a good experience for you to learn what you do want out of a relationship


We had a really lengthy talk on Thanksgiving where it was agreed that we would be getting a divorce and STBXH is trying to work with me on terms of the divorce. I'm having a hard time with it. When I see the numbers on paper, I feel guilty for the amount he will be out each month. But I need to remember that he made some huge financial decisions in our marriage without my opinion or approval. So I shouldn't feel guilty for getting what I'm legally entitled to. He's also trying to make the decision on where me and DS will move once it's financially feasible. No ... it's where I am living with DS. It's my decision ultimately. I don't have to even take his concerns into consideration but I'm willing to do that now. I'm trying to compromise but I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to tell him what's happening. He didn't give two shits during our marriage. Why start now?

[Deleted]

Thanks melloyello. That sounds really frustrating! But I agree. Don't feel guilty. Also as far as where you live do you mean the city or the actual space? Because if its location I think some divorces do require you to stay in a certain radius.

[melloyello]

Both actually. The furthest I'd move away is a 20 minute car ride with traffic. So it's not that far. The two places he has suggested are in bad areas and the rent is pretty much the same as what I was looking at, in a nicer area.

[glitzyglow]

I had a great holiday/weekend. I went to home state on Thursday/Friday, and then my sister and BIL came down to my city on Saturday/Sunday. We did some shopping and I only bought stuff for me, lol. Although I'm glad I spent the money because I got a really cute frame I'd been eyeing for my entryway for 30% off. I also bought 2 lamps for my bedroom (for $50...total! Thanks Marshalls!) and now my bedroom is SO freaking cozy. Next bedroom purchase will be a headboard and art above the bed. I'm so excited!

My plans for today include just lounging around the apartment after the errands are done...groceries, library, run, etc. I put up the Christmas decorations last night, so the apartment is Christmas cozy. I'd make a fire, but it's still too warm outside for that. Easy day for me!

[Deleted]

Nov 30, 2015 10:57:44 GMT -5 melloyello said:

Both actually. The furthest I'd move away is a 20 minute car ride with traffic. So it's not that far. The two places he has suggested are in bad areas and the rent is pretty much the same as what I was looking at, in a nicer area.

Well that's just annoying! You do you and get a nice place that makes you happy!

[Deleted]

This week I have my out of state interview! So I'll be flying out, staying there overnight and then back home.  They also have a real estate agent available to show me around.  Holy crap I'm nervous about all of this.  I'm going with the flow and have to believe that if it's meant to be it will.  It's just that I've never lived outside of a 10 mile radius from where I was born, so the possibility of moving is just strange and scary!  I know so many people here have done big relocations (sometimes multiple) and have been happy----I know it's a good decision for the future, it's just all new to me.  It's just that I'm used to familiar surroundings (and I will miss NY bagels-lol).
Any words of wisdom from those of you that have relocated are appreciated!  

[Deleted]

@pdx18, I'm glad you're in a good place about things fading with A.  I'm really happy that you had a good, easy experience that has helped your confidence and helped to discover your current wants and needs in a relationship.  

[Deleted]

Nov 30, 2015 11:21:38 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

@pdx18 , I'm glad you're in a good place about things fading with A.  I'm really happy that you had a good, easy experience that has helped your confidence and helped to discover your current wants and needs in a relationship.  

Thanks! I feel good too. It was a good experience. I don't think I'll jump right back into dating because I'm really focused on some personal goals for health and work and the holidays are always busy. But I'm not like jaded by this or anything. And it's nice that it's ending on an easy and not hurtful note. 

[sweetchix]

Vacation is over and we're 3 hours in to our drive home. Why does it always seem to fly by- especially the last day
It's also rainy and my dad said the rain won't subside until we hit WV. Also looks like we won't be driving into any snow.

[bl]

Nov 30, 2015 11:21:38 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

@pdx18 , I'm glad you're in a good place about things fading with A.  I'm really happy that you had a good, easy experience that has helped your confidence and helped to discover your current wants and needs in a relationship.  

@pdx18 this is pretty much exactly what I wanted to say, but was said better before me, so I will just quote.

I had a really chill Thanksgiving and spent WAY too much money over the weekend online.   Dallas was at his moms from Tues-Sun she lives way out in the country, almost no cell service and no internet.  We barely got to exchange a couple texts a day when he was out and about in town, and one phone call when he was out with a couple of friends.  It made me realize how much I miss/value his daily presence in my life even if he isn't physically here.  I go see him in a little less than 2 weeks and I imagine some conversation will take place around what we are doing/ where we both see this going.

[Deleted]

Nov 30, 2015 11:52:30 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

Vacation is over and we're 3 hours in to our drive home. Why does it always seem to fly by- especially the last day
It's also rainy and my dad said the rain won't subside until we hit WV. Also looks like we won't be driving into any snow.

Have a safe trip home

[imalwaysme79]

Things are really strained with my family the last few months and didn't spend thanksgiving with them. It was really hard, but we ended up going to some friends of my FIs family and ended up having a really good time.
My sister had her baby on Saturday, so that's really exciting. I hope that I'll get to see my new nephew a lot even with the strained family relationship.

I'm really looking forward to going to Vegas at the end of December. It will be really nice to get away from reality for a week.

[jigsy]

@pdx18 - It sounds like this has been a good growling experience. Some relationships are just there to teach us more about ourselves. And really, every single relationship will end, until one doesn't, so it's best to get whatever personal growth we can from each one along the way.

melloyello - I had some similar guilt when we were splitting assets, but then I was like, fuck that, it is MINE. I contributed by supporting XH in his stuff and the detriment of my own. So gimme!

@blueyes623 - How exciting! Even though it is hugely scary to take on such an adventure, I think it will be really great for you and what you want in life.

As I came into work and began to read all my emails I need to catch up on, I realized I have zero fucks to give with my job. I need to figure out either how to care a little more, or find something new once all the holidays are over. Also, I recently got a new rewards credit card where I need to spend $2,000 in the first 2 months in order to get the miles bonus I signed up for...I thought it would be no problem, but I am one month in and have only spent $600...I either over-estimate my spending, or it has been a miraculously slow spending month. I guess if it comes down to it, some folks will be getting extra nice gifts this year, lol. #FWP

Oh...Vegas invited my to his family Christmas party...first time I'll be meeting anyone other than his sister and I am a little nervous. But at least I don't have to worry about what to wear since it is a stupid Christmas sweater party, so I get to wear something I am totally comfortable in without standing out or anything.

[Serenity9]

I posted a new FB profile photo. A bunch of people were liking and commenting, which is always nice!

Then, my ex-boyfriend from before my ex-husband started messaging me. I haven't seen him in over a decade, and I haven't had a message from him since he heard about my divorce - more than a year ago. It felt intrusive to hear from him at that time, and just weird to hear from him now.

He liked/commented on my photo. Then he sent me a private message asking me a very random question about Star Trek. (Wha?!?) I told him that this was very random, but I answered his question (I grew up on Star Trek, so I know it really well). He then started talking about the photo, and I thanked him in a neutral way for the compliment. Then he started bringing up memories from when we were together, and said that he misses me.  :^)

I absolutely don't miss him. I should have broken up with him a looooong time before I did, but I was very young. So I just said "I wish you the best."

He said the same, calling me "sweetheart." Then said that I should smile in my next profile photo.  

I said, "We are not taking requests at this time."

[jigsy]

Nov 30, 2015 15:28:31 GMT -5 mp said:

jigsy he invited you to meet the family?! i feel so left out! haha. I have been going over on texting for my work phone now that you're not iphone, and I hate that I feel like we don't talk as much anymore. womp womp stupid work stupid phones.

Sorry
This happened last night. We were out shopping and he mentioned needing to buy a Christmas sweater for his family party and oh, I should come too if I'm not busy.
I don't think boys understand the significance of these things, lol.

[bg]

I just went to three anthro.pologies to find a certain dress for my friend's wedding next month. Because obviously that's what I should be spending my time doing. I think I really need yoga tonight. Retail therapy ain't gonna cut it anymore.

Serenity9 I like your response to his request for a smile.