Friday flames

[jigsy]

I'm sorry @32flavors...Happy belated birthday. I am the worst at wishing people happy birthday on Facebook and the like...but I should be better at it since I know I love it when people do it for me. And I am sorry about Ginger. Finding friends that you can connect with so hard, but I imagine you will still find time to see each other. Is the Chicago move a long-term/forever type thing?

[jigsy]

Dec 11, 2015 12:52:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Dec 11, 2015 12:40:43 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I'm sorry @32flavors ...Happy belated birthday. I am the worst at wishing people happy birthday on Facebook and the like...but I should be better at it since I know I love it when people do it for me. And I am sorry about Ginger. Finding friends that you can connect with so hard, but I imagine you will still find time to see each other. Is the Chicago move a long-term/forever type thing?

You liked one of my bday pictures, that's close. It wasn't that I needed more well wishers, it was just.. cold from ML. (and they are usually so warm and fuzzy)

You did look beautiful!

[Serenity9]

Happy belated birthday, @32flavors ! Sorry about the snub. 

[glitzyglow]

Happy belated birthday @32flavors!

[bg]

I'm glad you still had a great birthday @32flavors!

[abcdefu]

HBD @32flavors!!!

[abcdefu]

Every year at work everyone buys christmas presents for each other. I have not purchased, nor do I feel like buying gifts for my coworkers.

They all hoarded their vacation time for December and are pissed at me for taking medical leave and they will lose their days off.

I'm major Scrooge this year!

[Deleted]

I've started talking to an exbf again. All sorts of confused feelings up in here.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Dec 11, 2015 14:17:41 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Every year at work everyone buys christmas presents for each other. I have not purchased, nor do I feel like buying gifts for my coworkers.

They all hoarded their vacation time for December and are pissed at me for taking medical leave and they will lose their days off.

I'm major Scrooge this year!

I can't believe how selfish you have been, with all your surgeries and stuff. /s

If they've been anything but sympathetic to you, you're not the one being a Scrooge. I don't know how they are going to lose their days off, but if it's because you are going to be gone recovering from surgery, it's not like all of them were going to be able to take time off at the same time.

[abcdefu]

Mrs.Rad888 - they can't carry the time over to next year. it's use it or lose it. Their behavior is putting me in a scrooge mood. They are acting like I took this time (5 days)for spring break or something.

I just want to scream "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" Then they would be pissed when I'm placed on sabbatical! lol!

[liubot]

I reread old posts last night about J and I breaking up. I almost didn't remember the real reasons why until I did read them. And yeah I was confused and sometimes a shitty person. I'm so glad we broke up and separated though even though custody of S was an uphill battle and the past two years have been very depressing and draining. I'm happier now than I've been in a while. Yeah I'm moving a little fast with the BF but I'm going with my feelings and it feels right. I'm happy. S and I are waiting for the BF to come watch movies with us. She is in love with him and he is so good to her. It makes me happy. She actually says she'd rather see the BF instead of her dad... That's flameful but then again I'm not a shitty father. He is.

[liubot]

Dec 11, 2015 21:08:36 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Dec 11, 2015 20:56:42 GMT -5 liubot said:

I reread old posts last night about J and I breaking up. I almost didn't remember the real reasons why until I did read them. And yeah I was confused and sometimes a shitty person. I'm so glad we broke up and separated though even though custody of S was an uphill battle and the past two years have been very depressing and draining. I'm happier now than I've been in a while. Yeah I'm moving a little fast with the BF but I'm going with my feelings and it feels right. I'm happy. S and I are waiting for the BF to come watch movies with us. She is in love with him and he is so good to her. It makes me happy. She actually says she'd rather see the BF instead of her dad... That's flameful but then again I'm not a shitty father. He is.

How long have you been with bf?

A little over a month.

[glitzyglow]

I don't really know if this is flameful but I just want to say it somewhere...giving the guy who ghosted me a 2nd chance is the best sexual decision I've ever made, lol.

[liubot]

Dec 11, 2015 21:44:05 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Dec 11, 2015 21:14:28 GMT -5 liubot said:

A little over a month.

I don't think that is too soon for you to be excited for him to come over. It's a giant goddamned red flag that your daughter will have daddy issues if she is more excited for her mom's month old boyfriend to come over than to see her daddy. And that isn't all on him.

She will be excited for the next guy, and the next guy, and whatever guy pays attention to her. I know as single moms we are all trying to balance kids and dating, but this is a giant fuck up, in my so humble opinion. 

Everything is a called out as a red flag for me. I haven't introduced my daughter to anyone but her father and this BF. So there is no string of men. I'm smart and I know how to raise my child. Your opinion is your own.

[sweetchix]

Happy belated bday @32flavors!
I have no flamefuls. I rarely ever do. Closest I have is that I really want DD1's GS coleader to quit. She's always complaining about how there are too many girls and that she doesn't want to lead any more meetings. GS goes through June. But... I do not want to step up in her place. I don't mind being a parent volunteer, but that's the extent of it.

[abcdefu]

Dec 11, 2015 20:53:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Dec 11, 2015 18:21:57 GMT -5 TR said:

I wouldn't be pissed at you, but I would be pissed at the company for not figuring out a way to honor everyone's earned vacation time. Because that sucks. 

Agreed. Also, if your company has a use it or lose it policy it's best not to wait until year end. Everyone can't take off the same week.

Exactly! They were the ones that waited until the end of the year and just want someone to blame. Now I just need to grow a pair and say that! I should make "growing a pair" my New Year's resolution!

[pinkdutchtulips]

this

Dec 11, 2015 21:47:00 GMT -5 liubot said:

Dec 11, 2015 21:44:05 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

I don't think that is too soon for you to be excited for him to come over. It's a giant goddamned red flag that your daughter will have daddy issues if she is more excited for her mom's month old boyfriend to come over than to see her daddy. And that isn't all on him.

She will be excited for the next guy, and the next guy, and whatever guy pays attention to her. I know as single moms we are all trying to balance kids and dating, but this is a giant fuck up, in my so humble opinion. 

Everything is a called out as a red flag for me. I haven't introduced my daughter to anyone but her father and this BF. So there is no string of men. I'm smart and I know how to raise my child. Your opinion is your own.

read again what @32flavors said ... there's alot of truth to it. i've seen it w/ my niece (her parents split about 3 months before xh and i did - yeah xh's family ). her mom's gone through 3-4 boyfriends in the 2 1/2 years and she's introduced her kids to ALL of them. the 1st bf lasted about 9-10 months, the others 3-4 months tops and it all started w/ the first one. she wasted no time introducing her kids to her bf and i'm waiting for the fallout - it won't show up now but when she hits her teen years OMG it'll appear. how do i know - bc i like her sought validation and attention from the boys around me instead of seeking in/from myself.  wash, rinse, repeat w/ moms and their strings of boyfriends brought into their dd's lives ... you have a kid to raise and set an example for. just let that sink in ....

its a struggle to balance to dating w/ raising kids. imo the 2 spheres cannot meet instantly ... no no nope. i know my dd will have daddy issues, no need to add more to the mix w/ a string of guys. i dated someone for 7 months and while he was aware of dd's existence, he never met her.

[Deleted]

HBD stpete!

[angieawesome]

Relax. I think you are trying to do the right thing by your child. However, a month cannot be considered long enough to be considered for him to have a relationship with your young daughter. I've made the same mistake and deeply regretted it. Just let things play out between the two of you and when you two are stable, that is the time to bring a third party into it. I implore you. Otherwise your daughter will be witness to a revolving door of men that will cause her way more issues in the long run. However, I'm happy you seem to have found some contentment with you current BF. Just give it time. If he's not going anywhere, he can form a relationship with your DD after some time has passed. Wishing you the absolute best.

[dianecourt]

Dec 12, 2015 1:41:51 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Dec 11, 2015 20:53:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Agreed. Also, if your company has a use it or lose it policy it's best not to wait until year end. Everyone can't take off the same week.

Exactly! They were the ones that waited until the end of the year and just want someone to blame. Now I just need to grow a pair and say that! I should make "growing a pair" my New Year's resolution!

This isn't a you problem, or even a co-worker problem, this is your firm not adjusting to something fair for everyone.

My company doesn't actively tell you to save time for December, but we all do, because that's when you need it.  Would I begrudge a co-worker who needs coverage because of a health issue?  Never!  But, I would be annoyed that my company doesn't allow for some recompense for that.

And, @abcdfu, I would happily give it up for you, so please know this is not directed towards you personally.

[redshoejune]

My x treated me like shit. Now that he is breaking up with his girlfriend he is being nice to me. I keep imagining how "good" life would be if we were still a family. I miss his extended family and I hate this splitting time and holidays shit. I miss being part of a 4 person family and the holidays are making me feel like a failure at life. I miss having someone around that I am comfortable with even though he was so awful to me.
I think I am about ready to date but it seems like too much work. (I'm sure my previous confession makes it seem like I'm not, but I am generally in a really good place.)

[doriswe]

Dec 13, 2015 2:18:33 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

My x treated me like shit. 

That is the only part you need to remember. Life would not be "good" if you were still a "family". Repeat that first line over and over again. You are in a much better spot alone, living a genuine life, than in a relationship with a doucheface.  Make new traditions with your kiddos. Enjoy the moments you get with your kids, friends and family. Embrace your new norm!

[abcdefu]

Dec 13, 2015 0:04:12 GMT -5 dianecourt said:

Dec 12, 2015 1:41:51 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Exactly! They were the ones that waited until the end of the year and just want someone to blame. Now I just need to grow a pair and say that! I should make "growing a pair" my New Year's resolution!

This isn't a you problem, or even a co-worker problem, this is your firm not adjusting to something fair for everyone.

My company doesn't actively tell you to save time for December, but we all do, because that's when you need it.  Would I begrudge a co-worker who needs coverage because of a health issue?  Never!  But, I would be annoyed that my company doesn't allow for some recompense for that.

And, @abcdfu, I would happily give it up for you, so please know this is not directed towards you personally.

Thank you for saying this. I am just going to do what's best for my health. I'm not faulting them for wanting their time off. I don't think it's right to try to make me feel guilty for taking care of myself. I know this is not their problem. I need to control my feelings and not feel guilty. It's something I need to work on in counseling.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Dec 13, 2015 9:44:08 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Dec 13, 2015 2:18:33 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

My x treated me like shit. 

That is the only part you need to remember. Life would not be "good" if you were still a "family". Repeat that first line over and over again. You are in a much better spot alone, living a genuine life, than in a relationship with a doucheface.  Make new traditions with your kiddos. Enjoy the moments you get with your kids, friends and family. Embrace your new norm!

Absoultely. Remember, there is a reason you got divorced. If you do let him back in, what happens when he gets another GF? Don't let him jerk you around like that.

[LoveBug]

Dec 12, 2015 15:10:18 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

this

Dec 11, 2015 21:47:00 GMT -5 liubot said:

Everything is a called out as a red flag for me. I haven't introduced my daughter to anyone but her father and this BF. So there is no string of men. I'm smart and I know how to raise my child. Your opinion is your own.

read again what @32flavors said ... there's alot of truth to it. i've seen it w/ my niece (her parents split about 3 months before xh and i did - yeah xh's family ). her mom's gone through 3-4 boyfriends in the 2 1/2 years and she's introduced her kids to ALL of them. the 1st bf lasted about 9-10 months, the others 3-4 months tops and it all started w/ the first one. she wasted no time introducing her kids to her bf and i'm waiting for the fallout - it won't show up now but when she hits her teen years OMG it'll appear. how do i know - bc i like her sought validation and attention from the boys around me instead of seeking in/from myself.  wash, rinse, repeat w/ moms and their strings of boyfriends brought into their dd's lives ... you have a kid to raise and set an example for. just let that sink in ....

its a struggle to balance to dating w/ raising kids. imo the 2 spheres cannot meet instantly ... no no nope. i know my dd will have daddy issues, no need to add more to the mix w/ a string of guys. i dated someone for 7 months and while he was aware of dd's existence, he never met her.

All of this! I can't imagine introducing after a month. And if you've only been with him a month, when did your DD and he meet?? Slow down.

Eta: came back to say that you should focus on really getting to know him first. Everyone is on their best behavior one month in. I'd hate for you and your DD to get hurt.

[doriswe]

Dec 13, 2015 17:35:10 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

Dec 12, 2015 15:10:18 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

thisread again what @32flavors said ... there's alot of truth to it. i've seen it w/ my niece (her parents split about 3 months before xh and i did - yeah xh's family ). her mom's gone through 3-4 boyfriends in the 2 1/2 years and she's introduced her kids to ALL of them. the 1st bf lasted about 9-10 months, the others 3-4 months tops and it all started w/ the first one. she wasted no time introducing her kids to her bf and i'm waiting for the fallout - it won't show up now but when she hits her teen years OMG it'll appear. how do i know - bc i like her sought validation and attention from the boys around me instead of seeking in/from myself.  wash, rinse, repeat w/ moms and their strings of boyfriends brought into their dd's lives ... you have a kid to raise and set an example for. just let that sink in ....

its a struggle to balance to dating w/ raising kids. imo the 2 spheres cannot meet instantly ... no no nope. i know my dd will have daddy issues, no need to add more to the mix w/ a string of guys. i dated someone for 7 months and while he was aware of dd's existence, he never met her.

All of this! I can't imagine introducing after a month. And if you've only been with him a month, when did your DD and he meet?? Slow down.

Eta: came back to say that you should focus on really getting to know him first. Everyone is on their best behavior one month in. I'd hate for you and your DD to get hurt.

Additionally, while your DD is little and may not remember, his daughter is older and at a month she should not be involved and like a "sister" to dad's very newly acquired gf. 

And this isn't a YOU thing, this is a red flag for ANYONE who introduces their kids too soon. This is one of my hot button issues and has been for years.

[LoveBug]

Dec 13, 2015 18:11:02 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Dec 13, 2015 17:35:10 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

All of this! I can't imagine introducing after a month. And if you've only been with him a month, when did your DD and he meet?? Slow down.

Eta: came back to say that you should focus on really getting to know him first. Everyone is on their best behavior one month in. I'd hate for you and your DD to get hurt.

Additionally, while your DD is little and may not remember, his daughter is older and at a month she should not be involved and like a "sister" to dad's very newly acquired gf. 

And this isn't a YOU thing, this is a red flag for ANYONE who introduces their kids too soon. This is one of my hot button issues and has been for years.

I agree with your last paragraph. I side eye anyone who gets their kids in their dating/screening process.

[redshoejune]

Dec 13, 2015 17:07:03 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Dec 13, 2015 9:44:08 GMT -5 doriswe said:

That is the only part you need to remember. Life would not be "good" if you were still a "family". Repeat that first line over and over again. You are in a much better spot alone, living a genuine life, than in a relationship with a doucheface.  Make new traditions with your kiddos. Enjoy the moments you get with your kids, friends and family. Embrace your new norm!

Absoultely. Remember, there is a reason you got divorced. If you do let him back in, what happens when he gets another GF? Don't let him jerk you around like that.

I know, that's why I posted it for flames.
Even while we were in the middle of the divorce process I always felt like he could be a better person for someone else but that he wasn't going to ever think I was worth it.
Now that he is going through this break up he has told me that he didn't realize what he had until he lost his family and he wishes he could have it back and that he's changed.
I think he is genuine.
But I also know that I can never go back to him. Aside from the fact that he would probably go back to treating me badly at some point, I will never ever do something that would screw with my kids so much. No matter how good he acts I am never going to give them a reason to think mommy and daddy are going to be a family again. They have been through so much already.

[jigsy]

Dec 13, 2015 23:18:53 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Dec 13, 2015 17:07:03 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Absoultely. Remember, there is a reason you got divorced. If you do let him back in, what happens when he gets another GF? Don't let him jerk you around like that.

I know, that's why I posted it for flames.
Even while we were in the middle of the divorce process I always felt like he could be a better person for someone else but that he wasn't going to ever think I was worth it.
Now that he is going through this break up he has told me that he didn't realize what he had until he lost his family and he wishes he could have it back and that he's changed.
I think he is genuine.
But I also know that I can never go back to him. Aside from the fact that he would probably go back to treating me badly at some point, I will never ever do something that would screw with my kids so much. No matter how good he acts I am never going to give them a reason to think mommy and daddy are going to be a family again. They have been through so much already.

I heard the same song and dance....and I know it is genuine because I am fucking awesome, and I bet you are too. But I was grateful that when he said that, I had already healed enough to realize that while I was probably the best thing that would happen for him, he was terrible for me. That doesn't mean there aren't time when I miss having a person in my life, but I don't want it to be him. So stay strong!

I rarely get pearl clutchy w/r/t what other posters are doing with their lives, because hey - no one really knows what is going on, right? But damn liubot I am all sorts of clutched. Your daughter is "in love" with your BF of one month...I will hate to see what happens when he is gone. The abandonment issues will be strong in that one - or it will be one hell of an uphill battle for her to overcome them.
But you KOKO - but you know that you are only setting yourself up to continue to be "THAT  person" here. If you stop posting about all the fucked up/flameful decisions you make, maybe we'd stop expecting them from you.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Dec 13, 2015 23:18:53 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Dec 13, 2015 17:07:03 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Absoultely. Remember, there is a reason you got divorced. If you do let him back in, what happens when he gets another GF? Don't let him jerk you around like that.

I know, that's why I posted it for flames.
Even while we were in the middle of the divorce process I always felt like he could be a better person for someone else but that he wasn't going to ever think I was worth it.
Now that he is going through this break up he has told me that he didn't realize what he had until he lost his family and he wishes he could have it back and that he's changed.
I think he is genuine.
But I also know that I can never go back to him. Aside from the fact that he would probably go back to treating me badly at some point, I will never ever do something that would screw with my kids so much. No matter how good he acts I am never going to give them a reason to think mommy and daddy are going to be a family again. They have been through so much already.

I hope what I said didn't sound like I was trying to flame you, that was not my intent. I was trying to be encouraging, if anything.