have you ever been "ghosted"?

[AuntFlo]

It sucks. Just got ghosted for the first time ever and it actually hurt my feelings. Why do people feel the need to just stop talking without any explanation? Just a quick "hey, I'm not feeling this" or literally any other reason would make it so much better.

This was the first guy I had talked to after my divorce, and it was just texting back and forth, not even anything serious. But it definitely makes me want to wait for a lot longer before I put myself out there again.

I need hair pats or at least some commiseration please.

[cuddlyevil]

{{HUG}}

It sucks but unfortunately is becoming more common.

[glitzyglow]

Oh yes, I've been ghosted plenty of times. It sucks and I'm sorry you've had to experience it, too. The rejection hurts, no doubt.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Yes ... Plenty of times and I've ghosted other people to. It's a part of online dating, I don't take it personally.

[fernweh]

Multiple times, once by a guy I had been dating for 7 months and had (at his initiating) discussed marriage with. It sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you. If you don't feel like getting back out there yet, no harm in giving it more time.

[AuntFlo]

Dec 14, 2015 12:39:14 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Yes ... Plenty of times and I've ghosted other people to. It's a part of online dating, I don't take it personally.

See, please explain why this is acceptable? Why not just say that you aren't feeling it instead of just stop talking and making the person wonder?

[pinkdutchtulips]

Dec 14, 2015 13:06:50 GMT -5 AuntFlo said:

Dec 14, 2015 12:39:14 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Yes ... Plenty of times and I've ghosted other people to. It's a part of online dating, I don't take it personally.

See, please explain why this is acceptable? Why not just say that you aren't feeling it instead of just stop talking and making the person wonder?

If I ghost, it's bc it hadn't gone beyond the app. Anytime it goes beyond the app, I'll tell them I don't think it's going to work. I don't hold a whole lot of stock in online interactions until we've gone from the app to our actual #s and text from there.

[jellymankelly]

Dec 14, 2015 13:06:50 GMT -5 AuntFlo said:

Dec 14, 2015 12:39:14 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Yes ... Plenty of times and I've ghosted other people to. It's a part of online dating, I don't take it personally.

See, please explain why this is acceptable? Why not just say that you aren't feeling it instead of just stop talking and making the person wonder?

Some people can't deal with the "it's just not working out for me." I had a few people argue with me, call me a bitch, etc, after trying to be honest with them. And, honestly, if I hadn't met someone in person yet, it didn't always warrant an explanation. We just stopped talking.

[AuntFlo]

Dec 14, 2015 13:24:10 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Dec 14, 2015 13:06:50 GMT -5 AuntFlo said:

See, please explain why this is acceptable? Why not just say that you aren't feeling it instead of just stop talking and making the person wonder?

If I ghost, it's bc it hadn't gone beyond the app. Anytime it goes beyond the app, I'll tell them I don't think it's going to work. I don't hold a whole lot of stock in online interactions until we've gone from the app to our actual #s and text from there.

I guess that makes it better. What really sucks is that this is actually someone I knew from college, so it wasn't like we were total strangers. We just hadn't seen each other in a long time. But I guess online isn't the same as in person, even if you do know the person.

[Serenity9]

I was also ghosted by the first guy I saw after my ex-husband. It was rough. And I did stop dating for a while after that. And honestly it was good for me. If I were ghosted now, it would suck, but it wouldn't cause as much emotional turmoil as it did when it happened at that difficult point in my life.

It's not okay. It's completely rude and inconsiderate. But it reminded me to take care of my own emotional well-being because I can't count on anyone else to take it into consideration.

[verycontrary247]

Dec 14, 2015 13:42:53 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Dec 14, 2015 13:06:50 GMT -5 AuntFlo said:

See, please explain why this is acceptable? Why not just say that you aren't feeling it instead of just stop talking and making the person wonder?

Some people can't deal with the "it's just not working out for me." I had a few people argue with me, call me a bitch, etc, after trying to be honest with them. And, honestly, if I hadn't met someone in person yet, it didn't always warrant an explanation. We just stopped talking.

This.

Every time I've tried to have the "not feeling this" conversation it's pretty much always escalated to them being aggressive and super rude.

[Deleted]

I have mixed feelings about this and take it "case by case".

For people I've actually met in person...

I've been honest with 2 and ghosted 1. Just a vibe I got on how they would react - understanding/ok vs asshole.

I was ghosted by 1 but I asked him (text) to just be direct with me and he was nice enough to tell me. No big deal.

I've been ghosted by several that I didn't actually meet but were pretty involved texting conversations. I'm ok with this too.