s/o If you had a terrible sleeper

[bowies]

Did it impact how you felt about having more kids?


In the hormonal high after having DS I was adamant about having two more babies. Then, after about 8 months of spotty sleep I made peace with just having one more in our family. Now I find myself heavily flirting with being OAD. I keep waiting for things to get easier, it does for a time, and then we crash into the sleep habits of a 4 month old. The thought of willingly signing up for another round seems overwhelming to me still.

[Deleted]

No, J was a terrible sleeper but I knew I wanted more kids. If anything, it sort of pushed me to want them closer together because I figured I wasn't sleeping anyways, let's just get his over with.

This is actually one of the things that worked out in my favor when I had 3 kids in 21 mos. It was absolute hell when I didn't sleep more than about a 45 min stretch from months 3ish to 14 with the girls because they loved to alternate who was awake. But now at 21 mos I put them in their cribs and barring illness they pretty much sttn. And I know I never have to go back to that 45 min crap again with another baby!

Eta: J didn't sttn at all until about 15 mos and from then until about 18/19 it was spotty. The girls started around 15/16 mos.

[rootbeerfloat]

We only wanted 2, so not really. We just accepted that we would be tired for a certain amount of years.

I admit I sometimes think that families with a lot of kids must have easy sleepers.

[namasteak]

It did t change how many we wanted but it did change when we would Dleep train. We are going to do it MUCH earlier with ds2 than we did with ds1.

[katie829]

3.5 years old and has never slept through the night. I am currently OAD because I cannot think of the possibility of doing it again. However I have been in school the entire time so I'm not sure when I finish nursing school in May that my opinion will change.

[cincodemayo]

Yes, it took me awhile to come around to the thought of having to be up multiple times per night. DS had some really bad stretches and my DH works overnights so it fell on me. I look at photos of myself at 6-8 months pp and I looked so grey and sickly from sleep deprivation.

I haven't let myself think about it again until just recently at 27 weeks pregnant. I am fairly terrified but hope to get through it with the attitude that I'm just going to do whatever it takes to survive.

[smock]

I definitely wanted two, and planned them close together to get the diaper years and sleepless years out of the way faster.

And I've convinced myself that second children are always better sleepers, and refuse to hear any contrary evidence.

[h]

None of my kids STTN before a year, they all woke during the night pretty regularly until 2-3 yo, and they are all still difficult to get to bed and up much later than average. We still had three. Like @starry said, we figured we weren't sleeping anyway. And we thought maybe they would eventually just crawl in bed with each other at night and leave us alone.

[jaybird]

Oh yes. I can't wrap my head around surviving newborn wake-ups with a toddler who wakes up before 6 and doesn't nap unless in a car or stroller. We really wanted two and now I can't get myself mentally ready to try again.

[h]

Dec 16, 2015 13:11:58 GMT -5 @starry said:

Dec 16, 2015 13:10:17 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

We only wanted 2, so not really. We just accepted that we would be tired for a certain amount of years.

I admit I sometimes think that families with a lot of kids must have easy sleepers.

whenever I hear about babies who sleep 10-12 hours through the night early (before 6 months) I can't comprehend it.

A part of me always assumes these people are lying because I just can't comprehend babies that young actually sleeping. I figure a baby means at least a year of crappy, broken sleep, and if you are lucky it won't go on much longer than that.

[bowies]

Dec 16, 2015 13:10:17 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

We only wanted 2, so not really. We just accepted that we would be tired for a certain amount of years.

I admit I sometimes think that families with a lot of kids must have easy sleepers.

Part of my panic comes from friends who had 2u2, both good sleepers from the jump, and even they were all "WTF were we thinking?!" Like, if they thought it was hard, what does that mean for us? I look to them a lot because they're in a similar boat - both work FT and don't have any local family.

[satsuma]

No, we still definitely want another. I figure it's only temporary even though it's been going on a lot longer than I expected/hoped.

[Brie]

The nice part is that with the second, my perspective is a lot better. With C I was like "OMG I'll never sleep normally again!" as a baby, then around 11m he started STTN half the time, then gradually went to full time STTN.

Now, P is a shitty-ish sleeper too (not the worst, but not a magical unicorn either) and even though it totally blows, I'm a lot more relaxed about it. He'll STTN eventually. Until then, I lower my standards on basically everything else and sleep whenever I can manage it.

[rbp]

Dec 16, 2015 13:14:32 GMT -5 smock said:

I definitely wanted two, and planned them close together to get the diaper years and sleepless years out of the way faster.

And I've convinced myself that second children are always better sleepers, and refuse to hear any contrary evidence.

Are you pregnant?? Sorry if this is a ridiculous question, but your phrasing makes me think that you might be?

[pinkdutchtulips]

DD only became a terrible sleeper after xh and I split. As a baby and even toddler, she was a pretty good sleeper. It was factors other than sleep that put me squarely in the OAD camp!

[Yankees21]

It didn't really affect our decision. I'm just crossing everything that he'll finally STTN consistently before our yet to be conceived second one is here.

[meltoine]

I knew I wanted 2-3 kids, but the lack of sleeping sped up my time frame. I wanted to get all of the non-sleeping over with as fast as possible, and while I was still young. I imagined it would be much harder to exist on 30 min increments of sleep at 30-32 vs. 25.

[laurack]

I thought for the first year of matildas life that I would maybe be OAD. But then after her birthday her sleep improved, and I felt like maybe I would have another after all

William was an even worse sleeper than she was but we can't afford a third child anyway so I guess it's fine. ha

[longtimenopost]

My nearly 3 year old didn't STTN until 18 months. Around 2 she became an awesome sleeper and is in her crib 8-8 as well as 2-4ish for naps.

For me, it's helped in that I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 18 months is a long time to have crappy sleep, and I made it through. It's a relatively short time. Now you should have another RIGHT NOW to get it all over with at once

[bowies]

Dec 16, 2015 13:29:35 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I knew I wanted 2-3 kids, but the lack of sleeping sped up my time frame. I wanted to get all of the non-sleeping over with as fast as possible, and while I was still young. I imagined it would be much harder to exist on 30 min increments of sleep at 30-32 vs. 25.

I'm almost 36.

[dcn]

No, but we did wait an extra year longer than originally planned. And now I know even if this one is a shitty sleeper it is temporary-ish and we will survive it.

[bowies]

Dec 16, 2015 13:24:47 GMT -5 rbp said:

Dec 16, 2015 13:14:32 GMT -5 smock said:

I definitely wanted two, and planned them close together to get the diaper years and sleepless years out of the way faster.

And I've convinced myself that second children are always better sleepers, and refuse to hear any contrary evidence.

Are you pregnant?? Sorry if this is a ridiculous question, but your phrasing makes me think that you might be?

Oooooo smock, you're in trouble girl!

[meltoine]

Dec 16, 2015 13:30:59 GMT -5 @starry said:

Dec 16, 2015 13:29:35 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I knew I wanted 2-3 kids, but the lack of sleeping sped up my time frame. I wanted to get all of the non-sleeping over with as fast as possible, and while I was still young. I imagined it would be much harder to exist on 30 min increments of sleep at 30-32 vs. 25.

lolololol

I actually don't know about this. True for some but not for me. I'm in much better condition as an elderly 32 year old than I was at 25 because I eat a lot better / exercise more. 

IS 32 OLD MOM TERRITORY?

No! I did not mean to insinuate that 32 is old.

But DS1 was a surprise right after we got married and I was 24 when he was born. Ideally I would have waited until 28 or so to have him, but us know. So we talked about waiting a while to have more, putting me at 28-30 with newborns or getting it over with now and we decided to just go for because I assumed it would be easier if I was younger.

I don't think I was really right, but it's done now lol

[soozy87]

Yes, when our first son wasn't sleeping and was getting up 8+ times a night we said that he would be the only child we had. Then he started sleeping so much better and we went for a second. The second sleeps much better, so far, but we are undecided on a third as of now.

[runblondie26]

Dec 16, 2015 13:30:59 GMT -5 @starry said:

Dec 16, 2015 13:29:35 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I knew I wanted 2-3 kids, but the lack of sleeping sped up my time frame. I wanted to get all of the non-sleeping over with as fast as possible, and while I was still young. I imagined it would be much harder to exist on 30 min increments of sleep at 30-32 vs. 25.

lolololol

I actually don't know about this. True for some but not for me. I'm in much better condition as an elderly 32 year old than I was at 25 because I eat a lot better / exercise more. 

IS 32 OLD MOM TERRITORY?

I was pretty high maintenance at 25. Taking care of myself was tiring.

[amandakisser]

The lack of sleep was a partial factor in leaning toward being OAD, but it was mostly that it was combined with my daughter just being a miserable newborn, compounded with PPD that made me gun shy about having another.

I always told nosy people I wouldn't even consider having a second until my daughter slept through the night. That happened when she was 18 months. We had a surprise pregnancy four months later, and she's back to sleeping like shit again LOL. At least I'll be prepared this time around!

[satsuma]

I could handle my alcohol a lot better at 25 than at 32 so I regret nothing!!!!

[babyrn]

Yes. I have been freaking out lately because I am so worried about sleep once this one is here. DD still doesn't sleep well and never naps. When she was a newborn at least I could nap sometimes when she did. Now with the second one I won't be able to do that.

[bananapancakes]

Yes and no. I used to want three. Shitty dleep is a major factor in changing three to two. It's also a factor in the timing of the second. I used to think I wanted to have them closer together but after a year and a half (or more!) of shitty sleep, I'm thinking a larger gap sounds pretty good.

[jessnpaul]

I still have PTSD from the fact that B didn't STTN until he was 21 months old

I'm hoping #2 is a good sleeper. I don't think I can handle 21 months of that again plus a 4 year old! (who now sleeps like a champ!)