Did The Five Love Languages help you?

[summer]

My H and I are doing well, but communication can sometimes be a struggle. I'm looking for a good book on communication and this one keeps being recommended to me. Did anyone here read it? Was it useful? As far as I know it's not based on any scientific research, right?

TIA

[marriedfilingjoint]

Yes, but we did it as part of a weekly group thing at church so there was discussion with our pastor and other couples. If we just sat down and read the book we wouldn't have got as much out of it, but that's not to say you won't. It made a lot of sense but you'll have to put it into action and talk about it.

[Kattey]

We read it. I feel like it helped us a lot, actually. I think DH understands me a little better from it.

[turnipthebeet]

We didn't read it, but we took the quiz online and perused the website. It has been really really helpful!

[sfy]

Yes! Our friends read it and loved it and promptly sent two copies to every couple in our circle (this group is H's friends from college). It took us months to get around to it, I'm actually not even sure that H even read all of it, but just knowing one another's love languages helped tremendously. It's funny how something that seems so small could be such a big deal, but it's just logical--if your boss thanks you for a job well done everyday with a meal and you are expecting a check, you're probably not going to want to keep doing the job much longer. Same concept. Do get it.

[pescalita]

We took the quiz and it was definitely helpful.

[omgzombies]

I haven't read it, but I think the concept is extremely useful. It puts the whole "do unto others as you would have done unto you" bit to rest, and helps teach you to respond to people in a manner that befits their needs.

[Aquatica]

Taking a class helped more than trying to read it. We took the quiz and played with the deck of cards that comes with it. I felt I could open up more in the class without H trying to take the lead in the conversations.

[mouse]

I didn't read the book, just looked at some stuff online, but we didn't find it very helpful. Mostly because from what I remember, I kept thinking "yes, those are all expressions of love, why do I have to pick just 5?"

Although there's some irritating (and non-scienctific) evo-psych bullshit sprinkled in, we found the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work helpful. It's a bit overstated, but there is evidence behind it too. Strangely enough, we started communicating so much better when we started taking breaks when we felt stressed or overwhelmed.

[noodleoo]

Yes, I really enjoyed it. I was able to figure out that my love languages and H's love languages are completely different. And it totally made sense about some misunderstandings that we've had in the past. Have to remind myself about it every once in a while and it helps me and H relate to each other better. I told H the gist of it and had him take the test. I wish he'd read it, but he doesn't really read.

[ringstrue]

We took the quiz and it was helpful. What I liked is that it helped to acknowledge that what one may see as a quirk or annoyance in the other is actually how they are built, and can actually be a tool used to connect versus a flaw to be discounted.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Dec 20, 2015 20:46:23 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

One thing that I did learn is that H has 3 languages that are almost tied. You would think that would make it easier, but no, he is high maintenance and he needs all 3 to feel appreciated and loved. Needy asshole.

I thought DH and I had the same primary and secondary love languages, only reversed, but he actually scored pretty evenly across the board. I agree with you, it does not make it easier!
If only there were a love language that pertains to low self-esteem, that would have made it easier.

[mrspez07]

I took the quiz online and found it very helpful, and actually think about it often, especially ehen feeling under appreciated by DH. He blew me off when I ask him to take the quiz last year. I need to insist after after the holidays. I don't think he took it seriously.

[sunshine608]

It helped me understand myself better and I understand H, but he doesn't take it seriously and thinks its stupid. We'd probably be better off if he didn't but not a battle to fight.

[dancelnow]

Which online quiz did you find helpful? I've found a lot that seem to be fake and cheesy