Dating, kids

[Deleted]

I don't have kids but most people at my age do so I'm wondering about the expectations of when I meet their kids.

So far I've met one person and their kids on the first date (it was a casual restaurant with games etc so it was conducive).   We arrived & left separately but I still found that a little odd.

Now I've had a first date with another guy which was great and he invited me to an event (2nd date) with his 2 kids, they are both around 10. 

Is this no big deal?  Normal? 

[formerlyak]

Not normal! I didn't introduce my now DH to my son until I knew we had a future.

[sweetchix]

I have not yet dated anyone who has met my kids or vice versa, but I agree with formerlyak; I would not introduce them to anyone who I did not see a future with. And definitely not the first or second date.

[cuddlyevil]

Abort! I don't bring my kids around anyone I date. It's not normal and not something that is healthy for the kids.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I've dated one guy post divorce and no, he did not meet dd at any point in the 7 months we were together.

Meeting kids on the first date is FAR from normal !

[bl]

Not normal. I've dated a couple of guys with kids and even after several dates meeting the kids was never discussed. I didn't even feel comfortable going over for a late dinner or movie long after the kids were asleep. As others have said unless I see a real future it's not even on the table.

[pandora]

No, no, no. This is an utter lack in judgement and protection of the kids' feelings. Not normal at all.

[doriswe]

Dec 23, 2015 3:58:30 GMT -5 pandora said:

No, no, no. This is an utter lack in judgement and protection of the kids' feelings. Not normal at all.

This times a billion!

[stephreloaded]

What are these guys thinking? well I actually don't think they are thinking. Maybe they hope that you think that you will melt seeing them in their sweet/ dad role that you will fall for them pretty quickly. Except that it is fucking irresponsible and selfish of them.

I have been single for 7 years and I haven't introduced my daughter to anyone I have dated.

[LoveBug]

Not normal! I have a LO and started dating someone last November who has kids. We introduced the kids to each other and one another this past September so about 10 months later. I could have waited but I was getting anxious to see how my lo would respond to him and how his kids and I would get along.

I'm so glad we waited! It's been a blast and the kids adore each other and get along great with the SO.

[melloyello]

Nope. Once I do start dating, no one will be introduced to DS until I know we have a future together. STBXH says he feels the same way. But he was sending pics of DS to the other woman already. So I'm not confident on that front.

[Deleted]

Ok thank you, this is kind of what I was thinking. He's out of the picture now.

[jojoandleo]

Not normal, and represents a yellow flag to me. Is he codependent? Not caring about his kids? Socially stupid? My husband has this friend with a kid. The FIRST TIME I met this kid, she became completely attached to me. Anytime she sees me, she wants me to hold her, sit on my lap. She asks her mom about me. Asks to set up play dates, basically. Kids get attached.

[jenstar]

I agree with all of the PPs, that's not normal or in anyway good for the kids involved. My xh just broke up with his on/off girlfriend of a year in October and she was great about not meeting DS for a long long time even though Xh was insisting they meet. He even let me drop him off one day without telling her ds was coming and she made xh occupy him so she could leave.

Now he's moved on to some other chick and he texted me one day a few weeks ago to say they'd all gone for a bike ride together and I told him my thoughts on the situation. Told him if he didn't have time to date without bringing his kid along then maybe he didn't have time to date right now. But that didn't stop him bringing her to meet his family on Christmas or having her spend the weekend while he had ds last wkend. It makes me so mad and I feel sad for DS that he now has to compete for his dad's attention with this new girl on the scene.

I'm glad the guy is now out of the picture.

[glynn]

No meeting the kids unless you think it is long term.

[sweetchix]

TR, that makes me sad

[mcgee]

Not normal. Even my ex with his terrible judgment waited months before introducing the kids to his girlfriend (now fiance).