Introducing myself

[itsmyparty]

Itsmyparty ... and I'll cry (and laugh) if I want to! I've been a lurker on this board for more than a year now. Finally ready to engage! You ladies have been a real help to me over the past year, even though you didn't know it. 

I've been with my husband for 10 years, five of them married. A year ago a bunch of feelings I had been pushing down finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I was reeeeeally unhappy in our marriage, so I told my husband I wanted us to go to counseling. He refused, even when I told him it wasn't optional. So I went to therapy alone, weekly, for a year, and when I was finally feeling strong enough and just couldn't take the verbal/emotional/verbal abuse anymore, I filed for divorce (this past fall). It's been tough - I started out feeling really sad and guilty about it, wondered before and after filing if I was making a huge mistake, but I know this is the right decision, that I deserve so much better, and that I'm going to be so much happier by myself even than I was with him. Although it started out amicable, and I'm still trying to keep it as much so as possible, he's starting to get increasingly asshole-ish ... so I'm ready for it all to be done. We both have good attorneys, are trying to avoid hashing it out in court, and at this point are just going back and forth regarding our house and some other finance issues. 

Add to this that I've decided to move to another state to get a fresh start. Which also means new job. So 2016 is a big year of change (and adventure) for me, and I have a feeling I'll be popping in on this board a lot more as things progress. I'm sorry I didn't create an account before, but as many of you ladies have been through a separation/divorce I know you know emotions can be complicated, confusing and exhausting. I look forward to contributing in the future!

[jenstar]

Welcome

[Deleted]

Welcome. I'm glad you explored your options and realize that your happiness is the most important thing here. It's never ok for someone to be emotionally and verbally abused. It's an awful thing and you will be so much happier once you are rid of it completely and no longer have to walk on eggshells. I've been there, I know. You are free!! Do whatever the hell you want and enjoy the shit out of it!!! Don't feel like cooking today? Don't! Feel like painting your room? Do it! Book a trip, go out with friends, go out alone! Whatever your heart desires.

[bl]

Welcome, sorry you're here, but honestly it sounds like you are in a good place. Best of luck on the move, I did the same thing and it was a great decision.

[abcdefu]

Welcome! This board is amazing as you already know from lurking . I agree with bl. It is so freeing to just to be able to do whatever the hell you want! I can't count all the times I just have cereal for dinner because guess what, no one complains!

After you relocate, it will be so much fun to decorate your space the way you want! Good luck with the move and fresh start! I am contemplating doing the same. Please check in so I can live vicariously through your move and your new job! lol

[pandora]

Welcome! Great ladies on here, as you know.

[katieido]

Hi, I'm sorry for what you've had to let go but good for you for turning the page and seeking a happier future.

A lot of change all at once is both thrilling and terrifying. Things will keep getting better all the time, just like that beatles song.

[bg]

Welcome! Stick around!

[1confused1]

Welcome!

[sweetchix]

Hi. Welcome to the board

[itsmyparty]

Thanks for the welcome, everyone!

I am both excited and terrified for all of the change coming my way, but these days it's more excitement. The scariest part about my move is that I'm moving to a city where I don't really know anyone, so I'm going to have to make all new friends - but that was the entire point of me moving, really. All of my friends here are married with kids, and though they always have been and always will be my friends, they don't really have time for getting together with me these days...their lives revolve around their families. So I decided I needed some single friends, and ones that don't know my husband or our mutual friends. 

You know what's funny about the "you can do whatever you want now!" thing? I've really been doing that for a while to an extent, because my husband never wants to do ANYTHING or anything about anything. All he does is work, eat and sleep. I painted our dining and living rooms myself, in the color I wanted, because I knew if I asked him to help me all he'd do was complain. Same goes for hanging the curtain rods and curtains on six windows that are 10 feet tall. Wanted to go to a movie of my choice? How 'bout the ballet, or a sporting event? I'm gonna have to go alone. Or what if we want to have a party at our house? Have the family over for holiday dinner? Go on vacation? Pay the bills? Yeah, all of that is going to have to be planned and executed by me, too. For the longest time that didn't get to me, because things were getting done the way I wanted them done. But eventually it caught up with me, and I realized how exhausted and unappreciated I felt. I think I feel lonelier with him than I ever did when I was single, because now I feel rejected and abandoned and stuck whereas when you're single you can choose to be alone or seek out other people.

Fortunately I've always been a very independent, adventurous person, so I don't mind living alone, traveling alone, or spending time with just myself. When I finally started just doing things without my husband - because I got tired of never seeing movies, art exhibits, games, shows, etc. I wanted to see - I felt so much more fulfilled and said, "Hell yeah! I am not going to miss out on life just because my husband chooses to." So I look at my move and divorce as a healthy step in that direction - getting back to the old me, before I met him and let him stomp out my confidence, self esteem and self identity.

[GilliC]

Sounds like you have a great attitude moving forward! Good luck! And welcome!

[bg]

Love your positive attitude! It sounds like you're ready for some amazing adventures!

[stephreloaded]

Welcome to the board!!

[winecat]

Welcome!

[mcgee]

Jan 7, 2016 2:26:52 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

I started out feeling really sad and guilty about it, wondered before and after filing if I was making a huge mistake, but I know this is the right decision, that I deserve so much better, and that I'm going to be so much happier by myself even than I was with him...

Add to this that I've decided to move to another state to get a fresh start. Which also means new job.

First, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Divorce is never easy, even when you know it's for the best. You DO deserve better, and even though you're going through a hard time now, YES, you are going to be so much happier.

It was terrifying to think about moving to a new state, going back to work full-time, finding a new job, and basically starting over again a decade later. I didn't realize just how much stress I was carrying around until I was finally able to move out of the house and to another state. I'm 3 years out, and my life is SO much better. I am so glad I left.

How much longer do you have until your divorce is finalized?

[itsmyparty]

Jan 9, 2016 19:26:04 GMT -5 mcgee said:

Jan 7, 2016 2:26:52 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

I started out feeling really sad and guilty about it, wondered before and after filing if I was making a huge mistake, but I know this is the right decision, that I deserve so much better, and that I'm going to be so much happier by myself even than I was with him...

Add to this that I've decided to move to another state to get a fresh start. Which also means new job.

First, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Divorce is never easy, even when you know it's for the best. You DO deserve better, and even though you're going through a hard time now, YES, you are going to be so much happier.

It was terrifying to think about moving to a new state, going back to work full-time, finding a new job, and basically starting over again a decade later. I didn't realize just how much stress I was carrying around until I was finally able to move out of the house and to another state. I'm 3 years out, and my life is SO much better. I am so glad I left.

How much longer do you have until your divorce is finalized?

It's hard to say how long it will be now. We're past the 3 month "cooling off" period my state mandates, and my attorney has sent his a proposed settlement. The ball's in his court now. He says he wants to get this over and done with, but he sure doesn't ACT like it. We're still living in the same house (which we own), and trying to keep things amicable, but it's getting harder and harder. Once the house and other financial matters are settled, we should be good to finalize things. And then I'm moving!

I am thankful we don't have kids. Even though I really want(ed) kids and that may no longer be a possibility for me now, it would have been horrible trying to divorce him with kids and work out a parenting plan. I know all the child rearing would have fallen to me, too, as LoveBug said happened to her. It's hard enough trying to sever things with just a house.