Has anyone ever been a foster parent?

[mishap]

It's something I've been thinking about and would love to hear thoughts from anyone who has done this, or if your parents did this.

[mishap]

Thanks for that story. We have two kids now (6 and 1) and I wonder how that relationship would play out.

[kellbell191]

My parents became certified but never had a placement b.c. my Mom was diagnosed with cancer when they were mostly done the process. My brother and I were 14 and 12, intended foster child was 10 and they asked us and discussed with us before starting the process.

[drloretta]

I'd ask for experiences on the Adoption board. I know there are some foster/adopt parents there, and there may be straight foster parents as well.

I would love to do it, but DH is so not on board.

[downbythebay]

My parents were when I was growing up. The fostered a total of 6 kids. The first foster child was a teenage girl about the same age as one of my sisters. I remember there being problems between the 2 of them but it was just normal teenage girl stuff, she borrowed my clothes without asking etc. etc. Then we had a 2 year old boy and then 3 sisters at the same time. I don't remember any of their stories i.e. if they went back to their parents etc. but the last foster kid we had was another 2 year old boy who lived with us for several years. He went back to live with his dad but we are still in touch with him. He's 11 now and spends every summer at my parent's house.

[definitelyO]

Aug 28, 2012 14:11:30 GMT -5 drloretta said:

I'd ask for experiences on the Adoption board. I know there are some foster/adopt parents there, and there may be straight foster parents as well.

I would love to do it, but DH is so not on board.

this. I've thought of it a lot. but there is no way DH will do it (I've asked)

[Deleted]

We have been talking for the past year about getting certified. I would like to start the process in about a year, but we haven't decided if we want to do foster care, foster to adopt, or an agency adoption. Our only reservation is the difficulty of sending a child back to his or her parents after they have been a part of our family for a while.

When a child is placed in foster care, 99% of the time the goal is to reunify the child with the parents. The parents are given a case plan with a list of things they need to do to rectify the issues that caused the child to come into foster care. This can include parenting classes, getting a job, getting appropriate housing, going to therapy, going to rehab, etc. The parents work on these things while the child stays with a foster family and has regular visitation with the parent. If the parent makes adequate progress on the case plan, the child goes back to the parent - even if the life that parent can provide isn't up to the standards of what most of us think is sufficient for a child. This is the part that would be so hard for us.

Eta that there are usually challenges with fostering a child that are created by the stress the child goes through from being separated from their parents, which often come out as behavior issues. It is also very, very common for the children to have emotional or behavioral issues due to being neglected or abused. Often these issues are severe and can lead to disturbing behaviors. I've worked as an attorney in abuse and neglect cases for a while, and have seen many foster placements get disrupted because the foster family is unable to handle the child. I've seen kids who regularly make themselves vomit for various reasons (and not in the bathroom - in inappropriate places), kids who smear feces on walls, ones who are violent toward pets or other children, and more. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to just be honest about the reality that sometimes comes with being a foster parent.

[expatpumpkin]

Aug 28, 2012 15:24:37 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

When a child is placed in foster care, 99% of the time the goal is to reunify the child with the parents... If the parent makes adequate progress on the case plan, the child goes back to the parent - even if the life that parent can provide isn't up to the standards of what most of us think is sufficient for a child.

This is happening to a close friend of mine. She and her husband have had siblings (1 and 3 years old) for nearly a year. They'd adopt them in a heartbeat and would love to keep the children.

Unfortunately, their mother is making suitable progress and the children will most likely be returned later this year. Even in the best case scenario with the bio mom it's going to be an extremely rough road for these kids. My friends could give them love, stability, a healthy diet, and a solid education.

They are gutted