XP:Revising Custody Agreement/advice about what to include

[emcme22]

So I want to preface this by saying I'm actually asking for my BF not for me.  Ex and bf's original custody order didn't really cover much, they both had lawyers that kind of seemed to just want to get it done and move on.  They were able to, with a lot of back and forth and all that, make some changes that have made things better for everyone involved but none of those changes, although written up and signed are filed with the court. 

Their daughter is going to start kindergarten in the fall and their order addresses nothing about school vacations or anything like that, and her being in school changes the driving situation(in a good way) which has been a source of animosity.  As much as Ex prefers not to have any "have to's", they really don't get along well and do best when everything is clearly spelled out.  Because of this, and her future schools request for a copy of the legal custody agreement which differs from their situation now, my BF would really like to have them work out all the things that may come up now and in the future(as much as possible) and then talk to a lawyer to have it filed with the court to make it their new legal agreement so their can be less disagreement and things can be very clear.  They are waiting a month or two to start the discussions because there were some issues recently, mostly caused by communication problems, so its best to wait a bit. 

Basically the main question is, what do you wish you had included in your order, think is absolutely important to include etc.  Their daughter A is 5 years old, so officially starts school in the fall.  They have 50/50 custody, it is now week on/week off although was not for the first 2 years.  Also for anyone wondering the only way I'm involved in the "discussion" process of them changing their custody agreement and things like that is that I'm the one who ended up writing up the final copy last time(because they both asked me to) and BF does ask me before agreeing to anything that would require my help etc, since we've been together for 4 years now. 

Hopefully this makes sense, it has been a very long night but I wanted to put this out there, because BF and I trying to "research" online is exhausting and I think everyone wants this agreement to be the final one since its the 3rd time they are doing this and she's only 5. 

[stephreloaded]

I would agree on school breaks. Who gets her when? What time? Where?
What do they have on Christmas and other holidays?
I would also make sure that the custody includes that both parents have the right to access school information. Maybe if it's spelled like that, it will be easier for you to get the school to notify both parents.
What do they have on extracurricular activities? I would include something regarding costs and approval or agreements. Since she has one week with each parent, it will be a pain to sign her up for anything and then having the other parent to take her during his/her days.
School costs, who pays what and in what percentage?

[glynn]

Your state should have some basic guidelines to work off of. Out in TN address a lot of situations.

[housewife]

Things I would want addressed if it were me:

- cost of school related and extracurricular activities. I feel like there is ALWAYS something that they need $5 for this or $10 for that, book fairs, school pictures, sports/equipment, etc. It adds up quick.

- classroom involvement (volunteering, field trips, teacher conferences, IEP's/testing if ever needed)

- childcare on school holidays/ summer break/ before or after school care

Have they already agreed on which school she will attend (assuming they live in different school zones)? What would happen with school/transportation if one of them were to move?

[formerlyak]

Our agreement is pretty skeletal and we just figure out things outside the "who he is with on which days" on our own.

That said, I have a number of friends who are either divorced or are going through a divorce, and things they have or are considering include:

- who pays for extra curriculars
- how is it determined which extra curriculars she will participate in (we just call each other and discuss and decide and then agree if it is our day, we take ds, but I know very few people who do it this way without fights)
- when the "exchange" isn't at school, where will it be?
- who is responsible for transportation to and from the different houses
- if it is one parent's day, can the other parent still attend extra curriculars (i.e. if kid has a soccer game on ex' night, can you all still go)
- who pays for after school care
- which school will kid attend
- if parent in that school's district moves, what will determine where kid will not attend school; or does parent in that district have to get approval from other parent before moving out of the district (I think mine might actually say that as it was a default and I didn't care because I never plan to move out of my city)
- policy on contact with child during other parent's time
- first right of refusal for babysitting; we have that if it is over two hours, the other parent has first right of refusal and if they aren't able to watch ds, we have to ask my parents next (his parents don't live in the area)