Anyone else have random "where is my life going?" freakouts?

[abcdefu]

I hope I'm not the only one who has these.

Last night I had a semi - major freakout about where my life is going. Right now so many aspects of my life are questionable and I don't really know how to handle the anxiety of it, aside from xanax, prescribed, of course! One the xanax wears off, the feelings come back.

Right now, my employment is questionable. I know that I am not going to be able to stay where I am for the rest of my life due to my boss already being retirement age.

My housing is questionable as well. The apartment my roommate and I are renting is for sale. No one has come to look at the property, but I just have major anxiety about being kicked out.

My health is the biggest question mark of all. I just have a fear that I will never be able to support myself and live on my own. Currently, my mom does my laundry, cleans my bathroom, vacuums, mops, etc. because I can't do these chores. The worst part is that I feel like my "recovery" from everything is in a "time race" against my employment and housing issues.

Sorry for the rant, but does anyone else have major anxiety about where their life is going?

Side note: I am in therapy and I take anti-anxiety/depression medication.

[Eureka1984]

Im so sorry abc. Im sending lots of hugs and hair pats.

I think I can totally relate to this on so many levels. Its not crazy. You are not crazy. Sometimes I think we all dwell on the fear of what comes next. Thats what makes us human.

Aside from taking xanax, what works for me is talking about it. Also picking one aspect to focus on instaed of all pieces at once. That can cripple you like no tomorrow. So be kind to yourself

[jojoandleo]

Only every other day. I blame my thirties. I always thought at thirty I would at least FEEL like an adult. I still feel like I am playing dress up and pretending. It's rough.

[glynn]

I am struggling also at 42...... Hoping to move out of my house this weekend to a little house I really can't afford to get away from H. Everyone tells me it will be ok but I am having sleepless night even taking sleep medication. I found a place that is out of my budget but the best fit for DD2 and I. They said they would work with me on the rent so I am waiting to hear back from them. I want to tell H Thursday and start moving Friday/ I have a bunch packed but will need help with the big stuff. I never though I would be here but H has a new girlfriend in our town and I just can't take it anymore.

[alleinesein]

I will be 40 in March. I am still living with my parents, I've been unemployed for 34 months and I am single. I hate my life right now. Freakout is an understatement for my current mental state.

[jigsy]

Yes, I think we all feel this way. Especially since our parents had such different lives at in their 30s. At least for me, my parents had mulitple kids, a home, careers they were set in...all these markers of adulthood.

I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I feel like if I stay in my current city, I will never own a home, I get anxious thinking about having kids because how can you take care of a kid when I still feel like I kid myself!

And this was so much worse for me in the past. The thing that has helped me most is while in therapy, I talked about letting go of the expectations I put on myself. My life is not what I imagined, but it is also not all that bad. I have great friends, I love my city, I am smart and capable of finding a job that I can enjoy, but in the meantime, I have something that is good enough. Just because life doesn't look like what I thought it should, doesn't mean it is bad.

Also - I find that sometimes change that is forced upon you is the best kind. For me, divorce was forced upon me, but it has been the best thing for me. The separation caused this domino effect in my life that led me to change jobs, move across the country, and find my own independence. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't do it. But I did, and I continue to do so.

[pinkdutchtulips]

All.the.time

Ironically it has nothing to do w dd, or my job - it's all dating and financial related :/

[calle28]

I hate having so many unknowns in my life. But the truth is, life is full of them!

I agree with trying to let go of expectations and what we thought our life should have looked like.

I'm sorry you're freaking out abcdefu. I freak out sometimes too!

[dreamcrisp1]

Yes. Especially career wise. I just want to get my masters or work in a field I want to be in.

[boing]

All of the time. I spent a lot of time feeling like a failure because at 22 I was a married homeowner with no debt and a great job (and I still felt like I was faking it), and by 26 I was divorced, in debt and struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
I secretly believe everyone does this! I gave myself a panic attack a few weeks ago convincing myself that something bad was going to happen because I'm content right now.

[abcdefu]

It sucks that everyone goes through it, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm going to be 30 in 6 months and I think I may be freaking out. This is not how I pictured my life at the point. I know not everything can be planned.

[bg]

Absolutely. Employment wise, it's great that in a few months I'll have my PhD but if I knew my marriage was going to end I would have stayed in the workforce because now it's going to be so much harder to get a job because I've been out of the workforce for so long. Relationship wise, I'm going to be 38 soon and I wasted(ish) a lot of time being patient with stbxh's mental health problems and now I'm in no condition for a relationship and I may have to give up the idea of kids. So yeah, definitely freakout city here.

I'm trying to get better at taking things day by day and letting go of expectations while still trying to work towards the things I know I want. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow; good or bad.

[idahome]

So often. I finally have a job that I can see developing into a long term career, but the rest of my life is a hot mess. My relationship is hard all the time, but something keeps me in it. My finances are horrible (big part of why my relationship is hard). I'm no where near where I thought I'd be at 36.

You are not alone.

Now to figure out how to get out of here.

[stephreloaded]

I think people go through this from time to time.

I think I have grown up enough to feel self-sufficient and I am doing a good job as a mom but I feel a little lost sometimes about other areas of my life. I do have a good job but I always get the feeling that I could be something a lot more fulfilling than what I am doing right now.

Speaking of dating, I am completely lost as well. I am talking about this in therapy but I cant help but lose hope at times.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jan 18, 2016 18:23:39 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

I think people go through this from time to time.

I think I have grown up enough to feel self-sufficient and I am doing a good job as a mom but I feel a little lost sometimes about other areas of my life. I do have a good job but I always get the feeling that I could be something a lot more fulfilling than what I am doing right now.

Speaking of dating, I am completely lost as well. I am talking about this in therapy but I cant help but lose hope at times.

ditto the dating part !

[brooke77]

Yes. I can't seem to get it all together. When one aspect seems to be going ok (career, for example), something else falls apart. Currently I am freaking out about being 33 and getting too old to have kids.

Talking about it helps me a lot.

[Deleted]

Jan 18, 2016 20:21:23 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Yes. I can't seem to get it all together. When one aspect seems to be going ok (career, for example), something else falls apart. Currently I am freaking out about being 33 and getting too old to have kids.

Talking about it helps me a lot.

I hear you.  I'm 34.  I realize that in less than 6 years, I'll be 40.  My personal idea for myself as of now is that if it doesn't happen by 40...it's not going to happen.  But that could change.  Most of the girls I grew up with are on child #2 or 3.  It's currently a time where everyone is pregnant (again) and I'm feeling weird about it.   :?

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jan 18, 2016 20:21:23 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Yes. I can't seem to get it all together. When one aspect seems to be going ok (career, for example), something else falls apart. Currently I am freaking out about being 33 and getting too old to have kids.

Talking about it helps me a lot.

fwiw I had dd 6 wks shy of my 35th bday. Thankfully all we wanted was one from the get go (xh would later want another ?) but at 40 the shop closed for good. At 35 though for where we lived a lot of girls were on kid 3 or 4 or had kids in middle school/high school.

[glitzyglow]

Yes.

I can relate to what you're going through; it's so hard to deal with the unknowns and feel like you're floating in limbo. I've definitely had my fair share of freakouts. My most recent one was while watching the movie Her. I didn't really like the film, but when he said the line, "Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt," I started bawling. I feel like that so often, especially when it comes to love. My exH checked out of our marriage at the end of 2009, we divorced in 2012, and I've dated 0 people seriously in that time. I haven't had a partner in so long and it hurts sometimes, inducing the occasional freakout. It's so hard, but I try to refocus myself on the idea that the present is good and I need to enjoy what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't. I won't lie, sometimes it is really hard, but I do find it helps sometimes.

[karenj]

I struggle with these thoughts all the time. I am 49. My marriage is not what I want it to be. My children are teenagers and all that comes with that. The Dr. I work for will be retiring in 6 years (I hope). I cannot go anywhere and make the kind of money I make here and I am the sole support of my family. I am 120 pounds over weight. So far no, no major health issue with that. Just lots of aches and pains. I am not on medication but probably should be but due to the H not working and being in a financial hole I have no health insurance. That is a big worry at my age.

I don't know the answers. But I have decided to take things into my own hands. H and I had it out at our counselors office about him not working. Ball is in his court. Decisions will have to be made. I started going back to WW. My second job starts again in February and I am cutting drastically back on spending so I can start to dig my way out. Small steps at a time.

I hope everyone can get some relief from the worry and anxiety. I wish there was an easy answer.

[jojoandleo]

Sometimes, I feel like I am still waiting for my life to "start" and I have to stop and realize-THIS IS LIFE. I keep thinking once I make more money, or have been at a job X amount of time, or do Y and Z, then my life will REALLY start. The past year, I have traveled more and just LIVED. It has made a difference. Helped me get out of the rut.

[brooke77]

Jan 18, 2016 21:31:19 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Jan 18, 2016 20:21:23 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Yes. I can't seem to get it all together. When one aspect seems to be going ok (career, for example), something else falls apart. Currently I am freaking out about being 33 and getting too old to have kids.

Talking about it helps me a lot.

fwiw I had dd 6 wks shy of my 35th bday. Thankfully all we wanted was one from the get go (xh would later want another ?) but at 40 the shop closed for good. At 35 though for where we lived a lot of girls were on kid 3 or 4 or had kids in middle school/high school.

I would be elated if I had a baby by 35. BUT then I do the math. For that all to happen, I'd need to meet someone today, fall in love, move in, get married, get pregnant, be pregnant for 9 months. All within the next 20 months.  Then I start hyperventilating.

Good thing I also only want one =)

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jan 19, 2016 12:24:06 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Jan 18, 2016 21:31:19 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

fwiw I had dd 6 wks shy of my 35th bday. Thankfully all we wanted was one from the get go (xh would later want another ?) but at 40 the shop closed for good. At 35 though for where we lived a lot of girls were on kid 3 or 4 or had kids in middle school/high school.

I would be elated if I had a baby by 35. BUT then I do the math. For that all to happen, I'd need to meet someone today, fall in love, move in, get married, get pregnant, be pregnant for 9 months. All within the next 20 months.  Then I start hyperventilating.

Good thing I also only want one =)

I was fine w a baby anytime before 40 one of my college besties had her 1st at 41 complication free !

[itsmyparty]

I can relate to this. Even though I know my divorce (in process) is the right thing to do, I still have days where I say to myself, "What the HELL are you doing?!" I have my dream house, a husband that makes a great income (and because of that, the ability to work for myself for the past couple of years), and overall a very stable, safe life. What I'm missing is the more abstract, non-material things like affection, passion, adventure and fun...things that society doesn't really tell women should be be important in a marriage. Maybe they're not important to everyone, but I've learned they're more important to me than the "safe" things I always thought I wanted and would have at this point in my life.

Still, I can't believe that in a matter of months, I'm going to be back in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself, looking for a new job, and eventually dating again. Ugh. I'm dreading dating in the age of Facebook, smartphones, Tinder and all that.

[bg]

Jan 20, 2016 23:30:21 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

Still, I can't believe that in a matter of months, I'm going to be back in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself, looking for a new job, and eventually dating again. Ugh. I'm dreading dating in the age of Facebook, smartphones, Tinder and all that.

This is me too, but I'm already in the one bedroom apartment. I'll be learning right along with you.

[abcdefu]

Jan 19, 2016 11:25:47 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Sometimes, I feel like I am still waiting for my life to "start" and I have to stop and realize-THIS IS LIFE. I keep thinking once I make more money, or have been at a job X amount of time, or do Y and Z, then my life will REALLY start. The past year, I have traveled more and just LIVED. It has made a difference. Helped me get out of the rut.

This is me!! I'm always waiting for better health, a new job, to move, to lose weight, etc. I could go on and on. I need to tell myself to be present in the moment because I can never get the time back.

[housewife]

Jan 20, 2016 23:30:21 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

I can relate to this. Even though I know my divorce (in process) is the right thing to do, I still have days where I say to myself, "What the HELL are you doing?!" I have my dream house, a husband that makes a great income (and because of that, the ability to work for myself for the past couple of years), and overall a very stable, safe life. What I'm missing is the more abstract, non-material things like affection, passion, adventure and fun...things that society doesn't really tell women should be be important in a marriage. Maybe they're not important to everyone, but I've learned they're more important to me than the "safe" things I always thought I wanted and would have at this point in my life.

Still, I can't believe that in a matter of months, I'm going to be back in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself, looking for a new job, and eventually dating again. Ugh. I'm dreading dating in the age of Facebook, smartphones, Tinder and all that.

YES! I am right here with you besides the job thing. 

[brooke77]

Jan 20, 2016 23:30:21 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

I can relate to this. Even though I know my divorce (in process) is the right thing to do, I still have days where I say to myself, "What the HELL are you doing?!" I have my dream house, a husband that makes a great income (and because of that, the ability to work for myself for the past couple of years), and overall a very stable, safe life. What I'm missing is the more abstract, non-material things like affection, passion, adventure and fun...things that society doesn't really tell women should be be important in a marriage. Maybe they're not important to everyone, but I've learned they're more important to me than the "safe" things I always thought I wanted and would have at this point in my life.

Still, I can't believe that in a matter of months, I'm going to be back in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself, looking for a new job, and eventually dating again. Ugh. I'm dreading dating in the age of Facebook, smartphones, Tinder and all that.

Yup. 

[Deleted]

So as someone who moved into a one-bedroom from a house and had to start dating I can promise you it's not that bad! I've actually loved having a smaller space. I'm surrounded by the things I love, I get to decorate however I want and I get my space. I can clean or not, I get the entire bed, I can watch whatever I want, cook whatever I want. The smaller space actually helps me feel less lonely. Yea online dating is and can be a huge pain in the ass. But nothing says you have to date, or if you do want to date that you have to go online.

[TR]

Jan 19, 2016 11:25:47 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Sometimes, I feel like I am still waiting for my life to "start" and I have to stop and realize-THIS IS LIFE. I keep thinking once I make more money, or have been at a job X amount of time, or do Y and Z, then my life will REALLY start. The past year, I have traveled more and just LIVED. It has made a difference. Helped me get out of the rut.

This is what usually induces my freakouts, lol. Thinking of the time that's gone by that I'll never get back and the way I wish I'd done things. Damnit, where's my Xanax?