No- the first incident isn't over. That's what you aren't getting.
hoobs, I think you need to drop this weird bone that this woman's children are lying to her. The kid is SIX. You're being really odd.
strawberry - here is the thing, as pp stated, you need to get the group together, and maybe the parents, so everyone is on the same page, and you need to address the teasing, and that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. It really doesn't matter at this point whose kid said what, only that something was said that made this little girl upset.
Do NOT ask the mother to explain anything to anyone, ever.
I think some of you aren't seeing that there were two separate incidents here.
The first incident, one of my children was involved, she admitted it, told me what was said, and I dealt with it.
This incident, I don't know who was involved. Neither the mother nor child have said. I don't think my children were the culprits, I don't believe they were, but if I am told otherwise, I will address yet again.
And I didn't address any of this before the first incident because I didn't see it as an issue. My girls are usually pretty good about things like this. Someone said something earlier - along the lines of group mentality. This now is NOT the first time I am addressing it.
And I am not saying that if the comment was "innocent" or thoughtless as another poster put it, that it wasn't wrong. Of course it was wrong. But I don't see an "innocent" comment as bullying. I do feel those are two different things. And now you can skin me alive because I am apparently just going to keep digging a deeper hole.
So you addressed the first time by talking to your kids but not the rest? Sounds like covering your own ass.
Your daughter that said something, she apologized to the girl? Your daughter learned how hurtful it is & won't stand around if others are doing it? I really don't think you did anything.
I also don't think you grasp how hurtful this is to the mother of this girl. It's something on her face that they can't fix or control. I'm sure that mothers heart is breaking for her daughter. Do NOT have her talk to the squad about it, she may come unglued.
No- the first incident isn't over. That's what you aren't getting.
hoobs, I think you need to drop this weird bone that this woman's children are lying to her. The kid is SIX. You're being really odd.
strawberry - here is the thing, as pp stated, you need to get the group together, and maybe the parents, so everyone is on the same page, and you need to address the teasing, and that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. It really doesn't matter at this point whose kid said what, only that something was said that made this little girl upset.
Do NOT ask the mother to explain anything to anyone, ever.
I don't see how that statement said anything about her kid lying to her.
That statement, really just meant that the first incident, although she addressed her daughters, clearly isn't over. The girl is still upset.
I think some of you aren't seeing that there were two separate incidents here.
The first incident, one of my children was involved, she admitted it, told me what was said, and I dealt with it.
This incident, I don't know who was involved. Neither the mother nor child have said. I don't think my children were the culprits, I don't believe they were, but if I am told otherwise, I will address yet again.
And I didn't address any of this before the first incident because I didn't see it as an issue. My girls are usually pretty good about things like this. Someone said something earlier - along the lines of group mentality. This now is NOT the first time I am addressing it.
And I am not saying that if the comment was "innocent" or thoughtless as another poster put it, that it wasn't wrong. Of course it was wrong. But I don't see an "innocent" comment as bullying. I do feel those are two different things. And now you can skin me alive because I am apparently just going to keep digging a deeper hole.
How can you possibly say this isn't the first time you're addressing it? You addressing it with just your own kids and not the whole team is as good as not addressing it because there are still a pile of girls it was never addressed with. Because you sat on your laurels and did nothing with the group as a whole it happened again. If you can act like an adult in a leadership/authority role with a bunch of 6 year olds maybe you shouldn't be a coach.
I'm truly sorry if I am coming across as insensitive. I hope that's not the case. I was beyond upset at the idea that my daughters or any of the other girls said anything to her to upset her.
I explained to my daughters that she has a birthmark (for lack of really knowing what it is), something that makes her special, but that she doesn't like to talk about it, and that we have to respect that. I even pointed out how each of them has a birthmark as well, etc.
Coaching is new to me, as is having any responsibility over children other than my own. The idea of reprimanding another woman's child does not sit well, but I can certainly have this discussion with the coaches and other moms.
As for kicking them off the squad, that is not an option, and least not for me. This is one squad in a larger league, and I have no control over that although I'm sure I could take it to the director if necessary.
You 'explained' too much to them. It doesn't make her special, it just is and it's not nice to comment on someone else's face, hair, body, whatever unless it's to say something nice like "i like your hair, it looks pretty"
People have birthmarks, scars, blemishes, and we don't walk around pointing it out or commenting just because we don't or theirs is different. To do so is rude and they should have apologized to her for saying anything and being rude to her (whether they meant to be or not is irrelevant here, her feelings were hurt so they need to say sorry).
The rest of the girls need to be told as a group what someone else said - the team is about ability and not looks. And anyone caught commenting on how anyone else looks in a negative way and not being supportive of their team members will be benched for practice until the director decides their punishment.
And yes, someone needs to talk to the director about the need for such a rule across the program BEFORE there is another incident. And it needs to be clear to everyone, if you aren't contributing in a positive manner you will be benched and possibly removed from the team for the year. And if they won't, then I'd reconsider my child's participation in such a program.
I think some of you aren't seeing that there were two separate incidents here.
The first incident, one of my children was involved, she admitted it, told me what was said, and I dealt with it.
This incident, I don't know who was involved. Neither the mother nor child have said. I don't think my children were the culprits, I don't believe they were, but if I am told otherwise, I will address yet again.
And I didn't address any of this before the first incident because I didn't see it as an issue. My girls are usually pretty good about things like this. Someone said something earlier - along the lines of group mentality. This now is NOT the first time I am addressing it.
And I am not saying that if the comment was "innocent" or thoughtless as another poster put it, that it wasn't wrong. Of course it was wrong. But I don't see an "innocent" comment as bullying. I do feel those are two different things. And now you can skin me alive because I am apparently just going to keep digging a deeper hole.
Oh no. I get it. But I disagree you dealt with it.
And who the fuck cares if it was bullying? These girls hurt her feelings. Not everything has to reach stage three of a possible Columbine for the coach (aka you) to address it to the whole of the team.
Did you force the girls to apologize the first time? Did you explain to them that they make people feel bad when they point out their differences? Did you ask them how it would make them feel if someone make less than nice remarks about something they couldn't change?