Happy Thursday! What's on your mind?

[irene adler]

FWP--I have to go to an art show opening at a gallery tonight. I am happy to go and show support ot the artist, but I really hate the social part of the evening. In my experience, it tend to be people trying to out-awesome each other. Maybe I just haven't found my people?

Not even free wine and fancy cheese makes this alluring. 

[kore2]

Ugh. That sounds obnoxious. Sounds like a good occasion to get a head start on drinking before you go.

Random on my mind: how long does it take in a relationship for the frequency of sex to start waning? I don't want it to ever, but I know it's inevitable. I was married for 11 years and ought to remember this, but our sex life was never normal.

[RitzyHeifer]

I'm excited kore2 is back!  (I was GreysMom at the old place)

I'm also ready for this week to be over - I got really excited this morning when I remembered it was Thursday, for some reason I was thinking it was Wednesday until I'd been at work a couple hours.

[crashgizmo]

I think I posted this at some point earlier, but DH recently changed jobs (same company) and went from an hour and 20 minute commute each way to a 15 minute commute each way. Yesterday was the first day of this and he is SO happy! I couldn't believe the change in him in just one day. I think this will be so great for our home life. He used to get home close to 8 most nights, which made dinner, going out, etc really hard, Plus I was doing all the heavy lifting around the house even though we both have stressful jobs.

I think we have achieved the dream: living in Southern CA, in a house and town we love, with 15 minute or less commute for both spouses. Pinch me!

[mbcdefg]

As we get to know our kitten's personality, we're discovering that she's kind of an asshole. LOL

[Deleted]

Arrow is getting settled in and the cats are just cautiously watching her. She's such a sweetheart. She loves her elephant even though it's bigger than her.

[daisyn]

I'm going to a Jason Aldean private acoustic concert tonight
I love my life

[asharadayne]

Feb 4, 2016 12:23:57 GMT -5 @ruralrabbit1 said:

Arrow is getting settled in and the cats are just cautiously watching her. She's such a sweetheart. She loves her elephant even though it's bigger than her.

That puppy is the cutest thing ever. I was looking back at my old posts (all 12 of them) and it made me wonder how you ended up faring in Normal. Did you find anything to like about my hometown?

[irene adler]

OMFG. I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT PRIVATELY SELLING OFF EQUIPMENT IS MONEY LAUNDERING AND IT IS NOT A VIABLE OPTION FOR REMOVING OLD EQUIPMENT. WHY DID IT TAKE A MALE FACULTY MEMBER WEIGHING IN FOR THIS FACT TO BE BELIEVED?!?!?

[womet]

@ruralrabbit1, you are ordered to post more pictures of your pup! She is so adorable!!!
Welcome back kore2!

Starting to get pulled into more projects at work. I had my end of year review yesterday. It went well. I leaned in and told my boss that I was interested in leadership opportunities. Our branch is going to be forming teams at some point in the future. One of the proposed teams will focus on what I've been doing since I started working. I just hope the fact that I am new to this agency won't count me out.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2016 12:31:25 GMT -5 asharadayne said:

Feb 4, 2016 12:23:57 GMT -5 @ruralrabbit1 said:

Arrow is getting settled in and the cats are just cautiously watching her. She's such a sweetheart. She loves her elephant even though it's bigger than her.

That puppy is the cutest thing ever. I was looking back at my old posts (all 12 of them) and it made me wonder how you ended up faring in Normal. Did you find anything to like about my hometown?

I did pretty well there!  I took 3rd in my class.  I really enjoyed the area, had great food and totally loved the winery.  I'm ready to go back next year and stock up on wine again. 

[asharadayne]

My mom drives me crazy. I just applied for a job in NYC and when I told her about it she got mad. Like actually mad, not just "oh you'll be so far away but good luck anyway". More "why would you do that, I can't come visit you there". When we went home to visit last weekend she wouldn't even let me talk about it to tell my stepdad. when its mentioned she gets all passive aggressive. "Let me know if you move. I'll have to get used to seeing you once a year I guess. If you come home, that is".

[audette]

My role at work has gone thru a _huge_ change over the last bit. I now have tasks on my plate that I would never have thought would fall under my responsibility. I'm not really sure what I feel about it, but I do want to make it a success, so I'm trying my best to run with it. Some of it uses skillsets I have never developed, and tasks that fall outside my comfort zone, so it's going to be a challenge.

I'm still working out in the mornings with weights. Today I bench pressed two 25 lb dumbbells. It doesn't sound like much, but I am proud of it.

[raangoli]

I feel weird starting a new thread but here is a quick update on blizzard babe:

She's stable and off her CPAP as of Saturday. She has a large murmur but that's apparently normal for a baby of her gestational age and they hope it will close on its own in a month or two. An ultrasound of her brain was also normal and showed no bleeds. They will do a repeat in about two weeks.

I'm still an emotional mess especially because "breast feeding" (I can only pump) isn't really going well. I'm committed to giving it a try though for at least a month. I'm able to get the tiniest bit and I can only hope it helps her in some way.

We're really just taking it one day at a time. There are moments when I can't believe this is my life but then I see her tiny (seriously so tiny) face and all is well again.

[flatlan]

@ruralrabbit1 ,Arrow is so, so cute!!!!

My original idea for my 2 minute demonstration speech feel through so now I am trying to figure out something else quick and easy. I am thinking homemade lava lamp because I already have everything for it. myreciperoom.blogspot.com/2010/03/home-made-lava-lamp.html

[irene adler]

raangoli, Thanks for the update. I am so glad to hear she is progressing and everything is looking good. Sending you all kinds of hugs--this must be so hard.

[kore2]

steph96 anecdotal, but years 3-4 were the hardest in my marriage (apart from the end of my marriage, obvs). We were in a weird transition period of trying to decide if we were going to have kids, etc. We were also making a lot less effort to really connect. We were in a boring routine everyday, and not talking much. Neither of us realized how bad it was til a situation jolted us. After that, we made a lot more effort, and were happy for several more years before the mental illness took over.

[v]

Hugs, raangoli

Professional decorum question --

When one of my clients emails me, she's supposed to cc two people at a company that is essentially a middleman, to make sure they're kept in the loop. This protocol was set up maybe 2 months ago and she's been very compliant. But here's the thing: one of the middlemen died last month. I only found out from a coworker who happened to mention it to me, and not from other middleman. Client keeps cc'ing the deceased on things.

I don't/didn't know either middleman well, but should I tell her that she can stop cc'ing the one? On the one hand, seems like something other middleman should share (and they're the ones who insist on being included in these emails) but on the other hand he hasn't shared? But if nobody says anything won't it get weird if a year from now he comes up in conversation and we're like "oh yeah, he died last year?"

[kore2]

v, I think it would be acceptable for you to tell her. I agree that it would be weird for it to come up down the road, and nobody told her.

[scm1011]

Hugs, raangoli. I'm glad DD is progressing.

steph96, I had a very similar experience to kore2 around year 3. I think at one point I just felt so bored and unsatisfied in general and ending my marriage seemed like the "easiest" way to put my life on a different path. We came about as close to divorcing as you possibly can get, but went to marriage counseling (I went to individual counseling as well) and it made a world of difference. We're 7+ years in now and our marriage is solid.

@ruralrabbit1, that might be the cutest puppy I've ever seen!

[Deleted]

kore2, I think they say between 12-18 months is usually when the shiny newness of a relationship starts to wear off and you stop feeling as much passionate love and start feeling more companionate love. But every couple is different. Honestly, we stopped having as much sex after like 3 months and it's gotten slowly less often since then.

steph96 my marriage ended about 3 years, 5 months after we got married. So maybe?

[steph96]

kore2 I would say 18 months. I think that's about when it happened in 3 of my relationships.

[winnieandwine]

raangoli, excellent update!! big hugs to you.

@ruralrabbit1, more puppy pictures!!!! you're making me want another.

steph96, I'm sorry you're struggling.

my question today is how your desire (or lack thereof) to have children has changed over time? I was always someone who 100% wanted kids, no questions asked, with or without the husband. I had actual baby fever last year, but I didn't really talk about it with anyone other than my sister because I was embarrassed - timing would have been awful for our careers, I felt too young, etc.

after moving to NYC (and adopting Winnie) it's like my brain has flipped a switch. I just have no desire to have a kid now and can't really envision it in the nearish future. and the idea of going to after school activities, coordinating childcare on sick days, etc sounds horrendous.

I'm good w/ this development, because I think the more flexibility we have in our careers, life experience, the better parents we would be... but I wonder if this is just a phase and the pendulum will swing the other way, or if it just took me 25 years to realize I don't actually want kids?

I brought it up with my husband the other day. In the past, we'd always talked about having children as a given. he told me he thinks he's 80/20 and before was 90/10, so his desire also appears to be decreasing.

[steph96]

winnieandwine I think that's normal. I went from wanting kids to not wanting kids. Then I had a terrible case of baby fever. Now I'm back to not really wanting any. It comes and goes. My IUD will last until 2018, so at that point I will make a decision about if I want kids and if I want them with the person I'm with.

[kore2]

winnieandwine, that happened to me. I wanted kids for years. My ex was always more on the fence, but would do it for me. He kept putting me off til "next year". At 29, I got tired of feeling like my life was on hold, and started to really imagine life if I didn't have children. To my surprise, it felt nice. We could do anything we wanted to do, and I knew I would be genuinely happy either way. So I decided we weren't going to have children. I was happy with that decision, and it was the right one in my marriage. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Turning 34 & getting divorced made things start to waver. I was suddenly in a position where having children was back on the table, but my biological window of opportunity is rapidly shrinking. It caused a bit of an existential crisis for me last year. Like "omg I have to decide NOW!" Thankfully, that feeling has passed. I'm back to feeling like I'd be happy either way, but also that I think I would like to have a child. My BF is such a great father to his daughter, and it warms my heart. We can both see our relationship heading that direction, and he would love to have another child. So we'll see. I don't think I will regret if I don't have one, but I'll also be happy if I do.

[orangeblossom]

Good news: I got a random check from a medical visit I had way back in the summer.  Guess I overpaid.  Yay for found money.  It's also my Friday!!

Bad news: I got a late notice in the mail for our HOA dues, except it wasn't late.  You're supposed to pay on the first and it's considered late after the last day of the month.  They cashed the check on the 27th.  Um, so why I am I getting a late notice.  Unless the dues went up, and I didn't realize, which could very well be the case, but I don't remember even getting our new coupons.

ETA: Oops, I didn't realize the dues went up.  I should read things more closely.

[explorer2001]

kore2 it is so great to hear you are doing well and happy where you are.

winnieandwine you just went through major changes in your life. Kids are another major change. It is totally reasonable (especially so young) to change your mind multiple times about wanting kids, your urgency or lack thereof to have them "now", etc. You've got plenty of time. Just continue to be honest with your H about things.

2 stories: my good friend's wife was 100% about having kids but changed her mind to 100% not wanting kids after they married. This wasn't communicated along the way, just things changed deal with it. It takes a huge toll on him because he feels like he was lied to about kids but doesn't feel like he has an option now. He has thought about divorce over it but it troubles him to break his vows. It really hurts him and isn't fair to him and it is hard to see him suffer. So just make sure you and your DH talk.

A lot of people think of having kids as just the next step. You grow up, go to college, start a career, get married then have kids. It is "the way things are done", "the way things have always been done". It doesn't have to be that way. You were so busy with school, health issues, wedding planning, etc. It easily makes sense to think kids are next let's do that now. You are just starting to see what adult life with your DH is like. Take some time to enjoy it. Enjoy winnie. She's already shown you some of the reality of caring for a tiny dependent creature, which (let's be honest) often gets sugar coated and idealized in our cultural expectations. I know I never lost my desire to have kids someday but definitely lost any interest in having them "now" when life was overwhelming and the situation wasn't right. So don't think it's abnormal. Just enjoy that you have options.

[irene adler]

DH and my puppy just came to bring me lunch at work from my favorite burger place. I love watching the students fawn all over my puppy. It's so awesome.

This, coupled with giving blood (which is something I am very passionate about doing) and finishing the mother effing dresses that have been the bane of my existence for the last week and a half has made it a pretty awesome day.

ETA--AND!  I just got into a trail race for which I"ve been on the waiting list.  SO EXCITED!!! 

[konapoppy]

steph96, I am in the same boat as you. I hope it gets easier soon. It also aligns with 8 yrs together.

I just rocked a sales meeting with a huge client and a few of our executives. Woo hoo!

[mrsfarmer]

I'm finally caught up at work from year end. I was also asked by the local HS to come talk on career day. I talked there last year for the first time and the students gave good feedback! I'm slowly coming around to the public speaking thing - DH and I participate on adoptive family panels for couples looking to adopt out of foster care. One of the social workers said they get the best feedback from our story.