How to be Awesome

[Deleted]

Warning. A bit venting, but with a positive twist. ha!

So I recently have had two really close friends tell me in the last 4ish months that I've lost my awesomeness. This sounds mean, but they meant in that they are really worried about me. They were like you used to walk into a room and people just wanted to talk to you, you had this light around you. (Note: I NEVER felt this way. I was always super self conscious and sure that everyone was bother even having to talk to me. But I'm a pretty good faker until I make it). I also really enjoyed putting myself together with great makeup, hair and clothes. 

Lately they've notice I'm not putting an effort into my personal appearance and I seem just withdrawn, not as bubbly, etc. They've also noticed I'm not really doing my hobbies anymore and pretty much watch TV and drink wine at home. 

Soooo this was a pretty big wake up call to me because I didn't really realize it until someone pointed it out (and I'm really glad they did). A lot of this has to do with some pretty major heartbreak and me letting someone pretty much string me along (and really I'm so much better than that), my dog dying, work being pretty stressful, and as a result of my new work no real schedule. I also have days when I don't leave the house because I work from home. Yes I've started therapy again because clearly there is some mild depression happening here as well.

BUT all of this is to say that it's really given me a new purpose. And everyday I sort of wake up and think. How am I going to be awesome today? Which sounds kinda lame. But honestly even little things are making me feel so much better! I started wearing my cute nighties and PJ sets to bed instead of ratty sweatpants. I've been working out and making myself move. I'm going to start picking up sewing. Even with work I'm starting to have more of a purpose each day.

Anyways all of this is to say, share below how you are being awesome today. Because we all are and sometimes we forget that. 

[kore2]

I can absolutely relate. I've described it recently as feeling like I've lost my sparkle. Just feeling dull. This article resonated:

markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy

I'd been focusing on "being happy", whatever that meant. But that's the wrong approach. Happiness is the byproduct of living a fulfilling life, not the other way around. I've focused more on tying up the loose ends with my divorce, throwing myself into fulfilling hobbies and activities that challenge me, and being more organized/action-oriented. It's improved my overall wellbeing & has made me happier, as a result. It sounds so simple, but it's hard sometimes for me to truly internalize.

[bg]

I can also relate. I think some of it is that I'm still grieving my marriage, and still struggle with caring about the crazy things that keep coming up about stbxh's activities, but I'm trying to make more time to continue to focus on creating my new life and living in MY now.

Today I put on a (comfortable) dress and did my hair and makeup even though I'm just going to work on my dissertation at starbucks. I'm still too stuffy/coughy for physical activity, but my running and yoga definitely make me feel more awesome.

[Deleted]

kore2 yes! I think that's a good perspective. I was doing the same thing. Like why am I not happy! Then I realized well I'm not really doing anything to make myself happy. I just got done with a run and I feel so much better about the day already!

[dreamcrisp1]

I can definitely relate. I've become a total hermit and I'm really succumbing to my introvert side. The more I do, the worse it becomes and I don't even know how to get out of it. It sucks. I'm trying to join meetup groups and go to some but I have yet too. The only ones I can really attend are always filled super quickly. I don't want to be a hermit because even if I dread socializing, I actually like to do it every now and then. My only social contact is at work these days.

[spedrunner]

it is so hard. As wonderful as it is being single, and I have NO desire to date or be in a relationship, it feels like something is "missing"

I miss that sparkle I too had, that someone ELSE motivated me to have.......thats why I realize I am not ready. I want to sparkle on my own


I feel like some days I take a step forward, next day two steps back, I am just pushing through and not giving up hope that i will get my spark back

My awesomeness? I am sick AND forcing myself to stay in bed all day. Its painful and so difficult for me, BUT I am doing it and even enjoying bits and pieces of it

[abcdefu]

I love this post!!

Today, even though I just was going to the grocery store, I shaved my legs (it's a difficult task) and I used my new makeup and actually felt pretty and awesome!

[Deleted]

Feb 15, 2016 18:26:56 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I love this post!!

Today, even though I just was going to the grocery store, I shaved my legs (it's a difficult task) and I used my new makeup and actually felt pretty and awesome!

YES! I went to work with my friend from the wine bar. Normally I look pretty scrubby. But I put on some heels and jewelery and feel like a million bucks!

[abcdefu]

Feb 15, 2016 18:34:23 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Feb 15, 2016 18:26:56 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I love this post!!

Today, even though I just was going to the grocery store, I shaved my legs (it's a difficult task) and I used my new makeup and actually felt pretty and awesome!

YES! I went to work with my friend from the wine bar. Normally I look pretty scrubby. But I put on some heels and jewelery and feel like a million bucks!

This is not a sales post, bc I don't sell it or anything, but I purchased new makeup from a friend of mine that sells You. ni. que. and I loveeeee it!

It has been difficult for me to feel confident with my weight gain, but I realized that I can feel good about myself everyday! The number on the scale does not run my life and I am in the process of changing it. I can be miserable in the meantime, or I can do things to feel good about myself!

[atlas]

Glad you are finding your Awesome again, PDX. If you ever need a reason to get dressed up and go out, I'm in Portland too

Keep on being awesome you. You are worth it!

[Deleted]

abcdefu that's awesome! I've been pretty much a MAC for life girl but have started to really like Julep products.

The weight stuff is SO hard. I've gone from a size zero to plus size in about a year and half. It's very unlike me. I've only ever fluctuated 15 pounds. So gaining close to 50 has been really hard. I also have an ED so it makes it worse. Although lately I feel like something just clicked. And I'm getting fullfilment from other parts of my life besides food. Which I think was missing before.

[Deleted]

Feb 15, 2016 18:44:23 GMT -5 atlas said:

Glad you are finding your Awesome again, PDX. If you ever need a reason to get dressed up and go out, I'm in Portland too

Keep on being awesome you. You are worth it!

PM me! We should meet up!

[abcdefu]

@pdx18, You're right! Weight stuff is sooo hard! I also have EDs. I was 96lbs when I graduated high school. I was bulimic and anorexic due to having bathroom issues from SB. It got worse in college. Then I started emotionally eating and stuffing my face on days I didn't have to work. Food disorder/addiction is extremely difficult. With alcohol and/or drugs, abstaining isn't easy, but someone can remove herself/himself from the environment (bars, clubs neighborhood etc.), but with food, you need it to live. It's like giving an alcoholic a little bit of alcohol everyday. I get it!

[jigsy]

Everyone here should watch "how to be single". It actually really highlights the struggle of dating and funding yourself in the process. It was refreshing to see.

[Deleted]

Feb 15, 2016 20:20:45 GMT -5 jigsy said:

Everyone here should watch "how to be single". It actually really highlights the struggle of dating and funding yourself in the process. It was refreshing to see.

I did see it! It was great! I loved Rebel Wilson's unapologetic singleness.

[Deleted]

@pdx18, I'm glad your friends were able to be honest and let you know what they noticed.  And I'm glad you're taking it in a positive way.  You've gone through a lot and it's not unusual to end up in a funk.  I'm glad you're getting help and making efforts to make yourself feel better.  

[Linie]

I have been in a strange mood for the last 4 months. Huge ups and even bigger downs. Lots of crying for no reason. Yesterday was really terrible so I went to my doctor to change my anxiety medication. And I put on my killer bright orange heels...

Good luck to all!

[Wanderista]

It's something that can certainly be an issue. I feel it sometimes myself about various things. I've found that what helps me the most is to make tangible if little changes around things that I can change and then to celebrate the good moments and any positive new things that I do. 

As for my body, I mostly feel pretty good about it even though I weigh more than when I was younger. I used to weigh 105 lbs through college and I was pretty shy and insecure, mostly because I had small breasts - which, erm, I no longer do. I honestly like my body better now, I just want to keep it "reined in". I think there are a lot of different ways to be beautiful and my hope is to be a sexy and confident woman for a long time even though I know that little flaws are inevitable. 

I definitely have areas of life where I need to feel more awesome though. I think of it as a continual work in progress. 

[achase123]

Awwww, part of me is defensive for you but part of me is happy that your friends feel they can be so candid with you.

I like to make my day really structured. I wake up and hit the snooze and do some visualization about how I want my day to go and what I want in my life.

I always work out in the morning even when I don't want to because it gets me going.

I also have been trying to do a green smoothie for breakfast as a good way to start the day.

We hang out at home a lot because of the boys but plan something fun with friends like a weekly night watching The Bachelor.

I get where you're coming from though. I feel like I don't have energy to be nearly as social as I once was and I have to make myself do things and then I'm always glad that I do!

[Deleted]

achase123. I could probably give a little more structure to my day, but it makes it hard when I wake up to a million things to do. I'm thinking what I need to do is get up really early, handle all emergencies, then work out, shower and eat so I'm ready to go by 8. But then I sometimes have 6am or7am calls and given that at times I'm working up until 10pm I really want to get some sleep in. Gah! It's so hard to manage.

But my new thing is that no matter when I finally shower, I'm making myself put on comfy, but still presentable clothes, put on minimal makeup and do something with my hair. So that if I do need to run out of the house I don't look like a total scrub. It also makes me feel more available to like meet up with someone for lunch or something.

[baa1981]

Feb 15, 2016 18:47:21 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Feb 15, 2016 18:44:23 GMT -5 atlas said:

Glad you are finding your Awesome again, PDX. If you ever need a reason to get dressed up and go out, I'm in Portland too

Keep on being awesome you. You are worth it!

PM me! We should meet up!

I'm jealous!  I wanna meet up with PDX again and have brunch and go get pedicures!  Miss you girl!!

[glynn]

I am finally feeling like myself again. Last weekend I got my hair done and I have not done that in 10 years. I look for cute cheap clothes at Goodwill and dress-up most days. If I could get this divorce done I think I now have the confidence to do whatever I want in my new life. Going to the gym has really helped me lose the weight and find some happiness in myself.