Experience talking about alcoholism?

[sweetchix]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My Dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. He's gotten several DWIs, none recently though. I am at the point where it's really starting to upset me that he can never come over, even for an hour, without having a beer. I'm not quite sure how to go about talking to him about it either.

[daisyn]

Not alcoholism related but I finally quit smoking after my son was crying that he didn't want me to die. So don't underestimate your potential impact. But I'd suggest using the concerned angle and that you love her and want her around for a long time. Also I'd suggest going to an al anon meeting or at least checking out their website

[AAM2012]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My dad is an alcoholic and we've tried to talk to him many many times and at this point I've come to realize that he's not changing and have begun to distance myself.

My recommendation is to ensure she is completely sober when you call, I prefer to call my dad in the morning/early afternoon. Come from a place of care and focus on your concern for her health. Try to avoid saying things like "you" do xyz because then it comes an attack on them.

Good luck and hope she listens, ultimately she has to be the one that wants to change.

[Deleted]

My mother is a recovering alcoholic and it sounds very much like your situation. Now that she is in recovery I have discussed how hurtful her actions were to us and discussed if there was anything we could have done to get her to stop. In the end she needed to decide it for herself. In my situation I was getting to the point where I was limiting her interactions with my child because her drinking was so bad. I was at the point where I was going to have a CTJ talk with her that if she was drinking I wasnt going to allow her to care for DD. She called me and said she quit days before I was going to have that talk.

I would be clear with them your concerns and tell them the reasons for the boundaries you set. Express your concern for them and tell them if they ever need you to help them you will. My brother offered countless times to go to meetings with my mom. It wasnt until she actually changed that she admited how welcoming it was for him to say he would do it with her.

Hugs...its a really hard road to navigate. I hope your parents find the help they need. Our life has been completly transformed for the better because my mom decided to get sober. There are some tough days but there are so many more wonderful ones. She is so present now and that was really missing before.

[ribollita]

There is a lot of research being done on post-bariatric surgery and alcoholism, from etiology of alcoholism (mental and/or physical) to increased harm to the liver resulting in need for transplant. Do you think she's aware of this? If not you could maybe take the medical angle, at least in part?

[Pom]

While I don't have advice to offer, but wanted to say how sorry I am you have to deal with this.

[ladyk]

I would also suggest Al-Anon for you. Some meetings have seperate ACOA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

I wish you peace and strength.

[mbcdefg]

I don't have anything useful to add, but I wish you the best. 

[UnderProtest]

Glad you were able to get your feelings out. Hopefully she takes the your love and concern to heart.

[konapoppy]

Glad it was a good initial call. No advice, just hugs.

[underwaterrhymes]

Both of my parents are alcoholics. My dad has been sober almost eight years and my mom for two and a half.

I am so glad that talk went well, but I want to let you know that it's probable that won't be the end of things. Alcoholics usually have a tough road; they don't say, "I'm sober today," for nothing. But please also know that there is nothing you can do to help her. She has to first want to help herself and then to do it.

I also want to encourage you to find an Al-anon meeting or similar group. They can be enormously helpful in sorting through your own emotions in loving an alcoholic.

I know I don't go here, but please feel free to reach out via PM. I'm 41 and have been knowingly living with my parents' alcoholism since I was 12. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

ETA - one more thing. Please don't be embarrassed by things your mom has done under the influence. I absolutely relate - my mom's various rock bottoms were all pretty bad culminating in one truly horrible rock bottom that had implications for a number of people. But this is not a reflection of you. Remember that. ❤️

[lys]

Ditto Alanon
An alcoholic will not change because someone else wants them to - THEY have to want to change.

Repeat your concerns and set boundaries for their behaviors and also when they ca see the children.

[10nille]

Do you really trust her not to drink when she watches your children? I don't know their ages, but are they old enough to not be in a car with her if she drinks? Is there someone who can be your backup or check up on them? I'd be concerned if she is an alcoholic she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

[lys]

Dealing with an alcoholic is tough.
The primary concern is the safety of your children when in the care of your parents - no matter what your parents think of or how they feel about your boundaries.
ALANON will be a helpful resource for you as you travel this road.
YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Unfortunately, you have a lot of company.