Post by bananapancakes on Feb 17, 2016 19:20:16 GMT -5
Ditto most of the previous posters. I totally understand how much sleep deprivation sucks and I can totally hear (read?) the desperation in your posts so many, many hugs to you. Your baby is normal. Waking up twice a night to eat at 5 months is normal. I hope the night nurse works out so you can get some much needed rest.
I also feel like taking this opportunity to rail against the bullshit that is the general societal expectation that women excel at work, bounce back to their pre-baby bodies and keep their homes running seamlessly all on five hours of broken sleep.
Bull.Shit.
I am feeling this so hard these days. I feel like I am generally considered a hot mess by those who see me IRL because I'm carrying 15-20 extra pounds but it's like gah... working full time, being a full time food source, keeping my other child fed and not destroying things is about all I can do. I feel like we don't get credit as a mother unless we present a perfect facade.
I am not even a food source and both kids STTN and I generally feel like a mess. Motherhood is tough.
Huhs, farmvillelover. I barely remember DD's 4-7 months I was so tired from night wakings. I hope the night nanny thing works out.
just {{hugs}} Sleep issues are so, so hard. Neither of my boys slept longer than 3 hour stretches until we sleep-trained. But even then, they would still get a dream feed and/or wake up in the MOTN at least once. I hope you're able to find a night nanny to help you out. Sleep deprivation is no joke.
I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck. I can totally relate to something you said earlier- when you have such anxiety about going to bed because you never know if you're going to be woken in 30 minutes or 6 hours. i sleep trained my daughter around 5 months too, but still fed her 2x a night for a while. Sleep training helped her fall asleep alone at the beginning of the night, and if she woke up and wasn't hungry, she was able to fall back asleep on her own. My DD was generally hungry MOTN until she dropped feeding on her own at 8 months. I tried to force her to drop a feeding by sending in H occasionally (I was nursing) but it just resulted in me laying awake listening to screaming while all three of us lost sleep. When she was hungry, she was unable to self soothe so would just scream and scream. When I fed her, she generally went right back to sleep.. I knew she was ready to drop a feeding when she would no longer go right to sleep after a feeding. Then I knew it was probably habit rather than hungry, so we'd CIO then and it'd be over quickly.
During the time when DD needed 2 feedings a night, I did everything possible to get us back to sleep ASAP. I'd feed her in the dark, with my own eyes closed. No diaper changing, no rocking back to sleep, no playing on my phone for me. I honestly wouldn't even look at the clock. Resting with my eyes closed helped me fall back asleep quickly when it was time. Hang in there. I hope you are able to get in touch with a night nanny soon.
Seriously though, DS2 is one month older than your son and last night he was up at 1030, 245, and then 537 (although luckily he went back to sleep on his own that time). I had such high hopes for this one since he slept like 8 hour stretches from 3 weeks to 5 months. JUST in time to suck before I go back to work. He eats each time though (and from both sides, so I guess he is just hungry).
Sooooooooo much this for us. E had to cry 1.5 hours the first night, and THAT NIGHT after she figured out how to put herself to sleep the very first time, she woke up twice (and went back to sleep after the first one, fed the second), compared to her previous up 5-7+ times a night. It's been smooth sailing since she figured out how to put herself to sleep at the beginning of the night.
You've pumped me up to try this, maybe not tonight bc I'm still traumatized from the crying last night, but maybe tomorrow. Thanks Humps!
Girl, you've got this! I will also recommend doing CIO when you first put him down for the night and get him used to that. Then you can do it for MOTN. Most babies reduce their MOTN wakings once they are able to put themselves to bed.
I don't know if this is the right thing to say but I say in the spirit of giving you hope. I always like to hear about how whatever soul crushing thing I'm going through eventually ended.
I was doing the 3 am and 5am (30 minutes before my alarm! And right when her papa is leaving for the day!) wake ups from the time I went back to work until like 2 weeks ago. I legit was about to lose it, thought my baby hated me, I was a GD mess. I'm seriously scared to even speak aloud about this now in the fear that I will jinx it but...In the last couple of weeks she's started drop that 3am wake up most days and has delayed her wake up time till like 6 or maybe 6:15. She skips the 3am feed most days and when she does wake up at 3am to eat she'll sleep a little later (like 7). She's still a little unpredictable, and I still go to sleep with some baseline anxiety that she'll be up soon, but at least it doesn't feel so unrelenting. I did nothing but wait her chunk ass out. Luckily, I survived. Though I often wondered if MH would...
Good call on the night nurse. Even if it's just a couple nights a week, you'll feel like you can conquer the world after a good night of sleep. I didn't realize how bad off I was until I experienced how good I felt after actually sleeping.
Ditto humpforfree. We did CIO for bedtime, and E figured out how to put himself to sleep throughout the night very quickly. He is now up 1-2x/night, from the previous 5-6x. (Well, travel screwed him up, so I'm doing more CIO tonight)
Ditto adjusting expectations. I was ecstatic the first time E only woke up twice, after sleep training. The fact that N2 has not really woken up more often than twice has me jealous.
Post by scribellesam on Feb 17, 2016 22:10:30 GMT -5
I have no advice as a SAHM and non-CIOer, but I wanted to offer commiseration. This age was almost harder for me in terms of sleep deprivation because the boys were still awake multiple times nightly at that age up to and past 12mo but I wasn't getting close the same support or sympathy from others because it wasn't the newborn stage anymore.
I also feel like taking this opportunity to rail against the bullshit that is the general societal expectation that women excel at work, bounce back to their pre-baby bodies and keep their homes running seamlessly all on five hours of broken sleep.
Bull.Shit.
I am so fucking weak I swear. I was telling @choco how last week during a client meeting I started crying when they asked me how I was doing since the baby was born. .
This quote has me worried. Do you think adjusting your meds until ds2 sleeps better might help you handle this better? I know it helped me with Ds1.
This quote has me worried. Do you think adjusting your meds until ds2 sleeps better might help you handle this better? I know it helped me with Ds1.
I just started 50mg (up from 25) of zoloft yesterday. I was wondering if maybe that was it. TBH I'm a little upset with myself that I feel like I NEED that to feel normal.
Awww, hugs to you. I think this is a very normal way to feel. DW went on meds for PPA/PPD recently and she came home from the appointment really upset - both that she felt like she needed meds, and that she felt like she'd "wasted" so much time feeling bad before getting them. I was like "wow, you've really put yourself in a no win there - you feel bad for needing them and bad for not getting them sooner!" We can really be so hard on ourselves and our own worst enemy.
I think you'll feel better on 50 mg. 25 mg is not enough for most people. Please check back in with your doc if you're not feeling better in a few weeks.
This quote has me worried. Do you think adjusting your meds until ds2 sleeps better might help you handle this better? I know it helped me with Ds1.
I just started 50mg (up from 25) of zoloft yesterday. I was wondering if maybe that was it. TBH I'm a little upset with myself that I feel like I NEED that to feel normal.
I'm glad to hear the first bit <3
I'll echo @this, would you tell me that I should be upset with myself because I need to take wellbutrin & 2 supplements to feel normal? Or your kids if they needed something? Nope because you are a kind and supportive friend and mother. Please direct some of that inward.
I like the "take back postpartum" FB page for reminders that I am enough and that I am not broken for needing help.
You are not alone. I'm actually getting semi-decent sleep right now and still feel like a crappy employee recently. I feel like I just can't catch up from maternity leave and I've been back at work almost 3 months! Blah!
Oh farmvillelover, you make me sad! There's nothing wrong with you, nothing! You are always so supportive and positive to everyone else on this board, please try to extend yourself the same love.
And I'll ditto all the pp who said to do CIO at bedtime, and that it helped resolve the MOTN wakings because baby had learned to put herself down at that point. I was not clear on that in my first post in this thread because I ASSsummed that's what you were doing??
Anyways, more importantly, give yourself a break! Sleep dep is no joke!
I also feel like taking this opportunity to rail against the bullshit that is the general societal expectation that women excel at work, bounce back to their pre-baby bodies and keep their homes running seamlessly all on five hours of broken sleep.
Bull.Shit.
This right here is why my 2016 mantra is "I don't give a fuck." Like, at some point, I just need to stop spinning.
farmvillelover, I agree with others that he's probably too young for CIO, and if you do go that route it should be a method that you (and your H) decide on during a time that you're both awake, after you've both read up on your options.
With both of our boys, we were pretty determined sleep trainers, but not until they were 7ish months.
I just wanted to chime in that you are a great momma, and you are not breaking your baby. You wouldn't feel bad about needing an antibiotic for pneumonia so please don't feel bad needing Zoloft -- it's fixing a physical problem too. I hope most of all DS starts sleeping more but if not the higher dose can help you cope with it better.
So many hugs!! You are such a good mom. Sleep deprivation is a bitch. DS2 gave me a nasty cold so I feel gross on top of being exhausted. Last night when I went in to nurse him I was just over it. Hang in there, I hope doing CIO at the beginning of the night helps.
I'm sorry I'm late to this post. My seven month old was up three times last night so I have no sleep advice but I wanted to lend my support. You are amazing and I'm sorry you're frustrated. Hugs
farmvillelover, this part of postpartum just sucks. I am sorry you aren't getting sleep. But please remember it's all temporary and you are awesome and not failing yourself or anyone else. Hugs.
PB keeps eating my reply. The gist was big hugs and please be kind to yourself. You're to kind and supportive a person to not extend yourself the same courtesy.
Care.com or local doulas for a night nurse that's available sooner?
It's trite, but in the worst of G's sleep, I told myself that each wakeup and each night meant we were one night closer to sleeping.
It sucks. Have you tried calling the hospital to see if they have a list of night nurses/nannies? The ones we used actually were OB nurses who worked at the hospital who were doing it as a side job. They were FREAKING amazing. I still get a warm and smiley when I think about them (we had 2 different ones come about 6 times over 8 weeks)
I have no advice as a SAHM and non-CIOer, but I wanted to offer commiseration. This age was almost harder for me in terms of sleep deprivation because the boys were still awake multiple times nightly at that age up to and past 12mo but I wasn't getting close the same support or sympathy from others because it wasn't the newborn stage anymore.
So much this. It was a terrible time for me and I was only working 4 days and had lots of family help. I still felt like I was failing everyone at everything. Please take care of yourself, and remember, you are doing an amazing job.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Feb 18, 2016 10:12:50 GMT -5
Oh farmvillelover I know how you feel. M was a crappy sleeper for a long time, running on a few hours of broken sleep is so hard. Be kind to yourself. I hope you are able to find someone to handle some of the night duties. Lots of hugs.
ST never really happened here because my baby was underweight at that age so I didn't have a choice to skip MOTN feedings. All I can suggest as the mom of a non-STTN toddler is to keep on lowering your expectations. Like these days if my patients at work are cared for and my toddler is cared for, that's a good day. Toddler before patients. In the meantime if I have to eat all the cookies and doughnuts to survive and my home and office are messy while I have to take a few Advil, I just do. And sometimes I pull over and sleep on the highway if I'm too tired, not gonna lie.
My kids hated sleep. Heck, they're 4, and I can count on one hand the number of nights that they've both STTN. It drives me crazy.
I agree with whoever mentioned working on getting him to go to sleep on his own at the beginning. That helped a lot with the MOTN wake ups. If he's just lazily sucking on the bottle in the MOTN, try water or watered down formula. My girls were PISSED when we tried to give them water, but when we just cut back on the amount of powder we put in their bottle, within 2-3 nights they stopped with the MOTN wake ups to eat. They were around 8 months old.
I started taking Lexapro after having kids. I am very Type A, organized, and on the ball normally, but having kids threw me for such a loop. After 4 years I would have thought I would get used to getting less sleep, but nope. I dream of the days when my kids will be wanting to sleep in and I'll have the pleasure of waking their butts up. And my H will help in the MOTN, but they come in and wake me up, so even if I make him bring them back to bed, my sleep was still interrupted. My point is that I have help and my kids aren't up that often and are fairly self-sufficient during waking hours, yet I still struggle, so you definitely shouldn't feel bad or feel like you shouldn't need medication. Kids are no joke!