Have I lost my mind? UPDATE

[sunshineluv]

Change is hard while you are going through it, but this will be great when you are on the other side.

Where you are moving is amazing .

I got anxiety tonight when I forgot to buy something at target. I wasn't in tears but anxious. You are moving to an entirely new state and house hunting. If you weren't stressed you wouldn't be human.

Also, worst car scenario you hate it, then in a year you job hunt again and move. You won't need to bc you will love it.... But if you don't it isn't permanent.

[bg]

It's a huge change, it's natural to have feelings about it! I moved across the country and it was exciting and terrifying and all sorts of other emotions all at the same time. And we had all of the same questions. Just take it one step at a time.

[jenstar]

I remember feeling like this when I moved out after our separation. But once we got into our new place and had our own space, it wasn't even a question anymore.

You're leaving your comfort zone and that is almost always scary, but if we never leave our comfort zone we have no way of knowing whether we like what's on the other side.

Would it be terrible to commit to renting somewhere for say 12 months before you buy? I know when I moved out I really had wanted to buy right away to avoid moving DS twice etc (and I HATE moving), but I couldn't find a house I liked and a great rental popped up so I jumped on it. 18 months later I have seen only a few houses I was genuinely interested in and haven't succeeded in buying any of them (super competitive market here) but the rental is still great and I know it will be hard to leave when we finally find the right place. It's also given me time to assess exactly where I want to live and given me the freedom to wait for what I want.

Moving states and buying property are both big commitments, so maybe one at a time would make it easier on you? x

[winecat]

Ditto @jenstar. Can you rent and buy later? Moving long distance and buying a home are both incredibly stressful events. I'd separate them if you can.

[pandora]

Honestly, if you weren't a bit anxious I'd suspect you had lost your mind, lol. This is all so huge! Moving from every thing you know, changing jobs, leaving the only place you've ever lived, looking at houses - gurl, these are THREE life changing events all at the same time - BAM!

Take deep breaths and remind yourself of your future goals. Look at all the changes you have dealt with over the past 3- 5 years. Are you happier since all of those changes? (Hell yes!) You are going after your happiness and your future goals.

I went through major adjustment and pretty much shock for the 1st 6 months of moving to a different state. I was so happy with my job but I didn't know anyone and started to idolize "back home". Now? I cannot imagine living "back home" ever again and I thank my lucky stars that I got the heck out when I did - i hated it and knew I had goals that would never have been reached there. I wish I did it earlier. (You won't because you'll have never met your sweet man)

You have the benefit of having J to explore with and the Internet to meet new friends, not to mention work.

Do you have someone helping you with the areas that you are looking at houses in? That's the only thing that I'm worried about for you. I just know that you are going to be happy and I know that you are going to have an adjustment from city life but you are going to love the bump in luxuries.

You got this!!! But, this is all so normal to be feeling scared, 2nd guessing and anxious. You're going to look back at this time and cherish starting a new life with J together. It is also all so special!

[Deleted]

poof

[abcdefu]

Ditto everyone else that if you weren't anxious or stressed you wouldn't be human! You have a bunch of stressful, but exciting events ahead! You're moving out of state, you will be starting a new job, and you're buying a house! All of these things are stressful individually much less all at the same time. It will be an adjustment, but a fresh start in a new place! All the hugs and hair pats! 



Oh and if you find your mind, can you see if mine is hanging out with it?!

[TR]

I think the PITA of moving one more time once you get down there would be worth it to give you some breathing room on buying a house. It's a big fucking purchase, you know?

And yeah, it's scary. When XH and I moved from DE to SC, I cried for probably half of the drive down. And I do still miss friends from time to time, but I have made some amazing friends here (mostly through work) and love it.

[Linie]

If you love house C that much, why not go for it? The construction works would only happen during week days when you are working, no? And later you will be in a fresh new neighborhood with new (youngish) people.

Just a thought...

good luck!

[FormerlyRR]

Feb 18, 2016 9:05:45 GMT -5 Linie said:

If you love house C that much, why not go for it? The construction works would only happen during week days when you are working, no? And later you will be in a fresh new neighborhood with new (youngish) people.

Just a thought...

good luck!

And, how much noisier will it be than where you are?

[FormerlyRR]

So, my $.02 on picking houses. I have moved A LOT, both growing up, and then as an adult. What I have learned is that any house/apartment can work as long as the location is good for you. Within that parameter, go for the nicest house in your range, finishes like upgraded cabinets, counters, appliances and flooring are expensive to change later. I am very handy around the house, but I suspect you & J are not, so that should also bear on your decision. Move-in ready is a huge thing for peace of mind on a home choice.
Don't get emotionally attached to the house before you buy it, its a business transaction, and if it doesn't work, there will always be another one.

[jigsy]

I don't think it is crazy to feel like you are doing it all wrong...but you probably aren't. So far things have worked out so well to not think it's a good move.

[Deleted]

update in OP

[abcdefu]

@blueyes623, I'm sorry you feel torn in the housing decision, but at the same time, I hope that this decision relieves some of your stress. Is there any way you could rent a furnished place and put your furniture in storage? That way you wouldn't have to move all the furniture in, put it together, then move it again when you buy a house?

[bl]

I swore I commented on this before the update. Im an extremely anxious person and i picked up and moved across country shortly after my divorce for work. I regretting my decision several times and even called my best friend in a panic attack the week before saying I was going to call my boss and say I changed my mind. I wasn't super happy when I first got down here, it's a huge adjustment. I am so glad I pushed through the awful/fearful feelings and did it.

I do think that renting even if a short term lease is a good move I couldn't imagine the stress of everything else on top of buying a house.

[glitzyglow]

I think renting for a while is a good decision. There's a lot to learn about your new city and you might be surprised on what neighborhoods have to offer, so when it comes time to buy you'll feel better informed and less anxious, hopefully.

You know I made a big move and my initial fears stemmed from the unknowns and unfamiliarity. It took me about a year to really feel like I knew the city and all its nuances. As I got to know the city better, I found that my current dream neighborhood is a place I never would have pegged myself wanting 3 years ago. So I know it sucks to think of moving just to move again, but I think you'll find it a great middle ground in the process that's really helpful because you'll have great first-hand experiences when it comes time to buy. Good luck!

[Deleted]

bl, abcdefu, glitzyglow
I've been so nervous and on the verge of panic attack all week. Now we're back home and I decided this. I feel a bit more confident going when I won't be making the biggest purchase of my life almost blindly. I have no clue what it's like to live in that state, never mind what each individual neighborhood offers. Visiting for a few days does not accurately display everything.
I'm relieved and a bit deflated. J is a bit deflated as well. :/

[glitzyglow]

@blueyes623, why do you feel deflated? I know it's hard to shift perspectives, but you're moving a to a really awesome new affordable city with lots of places to explore, new restaurants to try, and great attractions. And there are lots of cool cities not too far away and amazing natural resources to enjoy. And more mild winters!

[Deleted]

Feb 20, 2016 11:37:46 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

@blueyes623 , why do you feel deflated? I know it's hard to shift perspectives, but you're moving a to a really awesome new affordable city with lots of places to explore, new restaurants to try, and great attractions. And there are lots of cool cities not too far away and amazing natural resources to enjoy. And more mild winters!

I guess I had it in my head that I was going there because it was more affordable to own a house and we would be able to do so immediately.  Now we're uprooting everything to live in an apt, just like here.

 BUT, we will buy a home maybe in a year- we can't do that here.   I feel too scared to plop down so much money on a house in an area that I *think* I like.  What if I love an area 15 miles south?  

I guess I'm just scared all around.  You guys have more nerve than me...I'm scared of change, scared of failing, scared of everything!!!!   :?

[Deleted]

@blueyes623 I think society puts way too much emphasis on buying a home as a measure of success. I owned a home and was miserable. I'm much happier renting. Everyone does what's right for them. I'll likely rent my entire life because I don't want to deal with repairs and like the freedom to know I can move. To each his own on this. I don't think it's a measure of anything and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself for nothing! I actually think it would be foolish to make the biggest purchase of your life without having lived there before. So basically I'm saying give yourself a break! Also can you rent a house instead of an apartment?

[Deleted]

Feb 20, 2016 12:52:43 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

@blueyes623 I think society puts way too much emphasis on buying a home as a measure of success. I owned a home and was miserable. I'm much happier renting. Everyone does what's right for them. I'll likely rent my entire life because I don't want to deal with repairs and like the freedom to know I can move. To each his own on this. I don't think it's a measure of anything and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself for nothing! I actually think it would be foolish to make the biggest purchase of your life without having lived there before. So basically I'm saying give yourself a break! Also can you rent a house instead of an apartment?

Thanks. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. J is going with the flow on everything, but isn't giving me the amount of feedback i would like so I feel overwhelmed. Yeah we could rent a house, but at this point it seems more economical to rent an apt.

[pandora]

Feb 20, 2016 10:16:51 GMT -5 bl said:

I swore I commented on this before the update. Im an extremely anxious person and i picked up and moved across country shortly after my divorce for work. I regretting my decision several times and even called my best friend in a panic attack the week before saying I was going to call my boss and say I changed my mind. I wasn't super happy when I first got down here, it's a huge adjustment. I am so glad I pushed through the awful/fearful feelings and did it.

I do think that renting even if a short term lease is a good move I couldn't imagine the stress of everything else on top of buying a house.

I'm going to piggy back this. When I rerouted, for 6 months I thought I made a mistake but ub stuck it out and I truly love it here. I've thought about moving but I know I'll regret leaving this area. Is truly home. Where I grew up was definitely not home for me and I feel like I started my life when I finally settled in here.

I honestly think you are making the right decision about renting first. I loved the area I ended up buying but would have never in a million years have considered here originally. Had I bought when I first moved here, I would have bought where I got the apartment. I hated it there. I didn't know the commute was so far from work and I hated the lack of diversity yet it was "the place" to live and still is just not for me. I bought in an area that had more of a neighborhood feel, was diverse and I could walk or train it every where. Bonus, resale value is way better here.

I gave myself 2 years to get to know the overall area, make sure I wanted to set roots down here and get to know people & neighborhoods. I was in no hurry and put no pressure on buying so I landed on a great deal and jumped. My coworker introduced me to the neighborhood. My old roommate was from a different area and tried to talk me out if it because it wasn't an area for her...it was for me though and I knew it. Bonus, 7 minute commute to work = heaven!

Use the time there to get to know the area, enjoy the sights, make new friends and establish yourself in your new job. People will help you get to know the area. Those who are born and raised are the best in helping you learn of the area, the best school areas (for your family and for resale) and best community for you. I stated asking folks at work early on.

One step at a time and enjoy your new area while you get to know it and make sure you love it! Where are you moving again? NC?

[starburst604]

Rent a townhouse or condo, it will feel more like a home than an apartment and you'll be able to get a feel for the area before you buy. One of the doctors I work with moved here from out of state to work for us, they rented a home for a year and ended up buying in the same town. She was definitely glad they rented first. She initially though they'd want to buy closer to the city but the town grew on them and they realized the commute would be awful if they lived closer to the city.

[Deleted]

pandora , yes NC.  I agree that we'll definitely learn more through work and people we meet.  Everyone has their opinions, but we need to form our own.  Like your area wasn't for your friend, but it was definitely for you.

PDQ
I feel more confident in this choice.  J is going with it, but isn't really thrilled.  To be honest, we haven't talked too much today since I came to this conclusion.  He's disappointed and for some reason feels that this isn't a step forward if we are renting.  I'll admit that I was adamant about buying and without renting first, but I was wrong.  

[sweetchix]

I agree that you're making the right decision to rent first and buy later.
My sister and her H rented a house for a year when they first moved to Charlotte. They didn't know the city, didn't know the schools, so they weren't comfortable buying without knowing any of that. They ultimately ended up buying in the neighborhood next to the one they rented in and are so glad they did.

[Deleted]

Feb 20, 2016 21:37:25 GMT -5 sweetchix said:

I agree that you're making the right decision to rent first and buy later.
My sister and her H rented a house for a year when they first moved to Charlotte. They didn't know the city, didn't know the schools, so they weren't comfortable buying without knowing any of that. They ultimately ended up buying in the neighborhood next to the one they rented in and are so glad they did.

Every person I know of that moved there rented first.  I understand why.  I didn't want to, but wtf am I rushing for? Rushing through big decisions in my life while feeling unsure/uneasy has never turned out well for me.  I have to go with my gut on this despite my first (rushed) thoughts.  Because in reality, what does buying a year later delay? Nothing.  Our lives will probably not be all that different in one year whether we rent or buy and we will likely be happier and more sure with buying once we've lived there for a year.

[pandora]

.[/quote]


Exactly, to your last sentence! Best part is that you & your honey can actually enjoy looking at your potential forever or for a long while house. I am sincerely so very relieved for you. And, starburst is spot on with renting a condo/townhouse. You will have a yard and feel ahead of the game already compared to what you're leaving (buh bye, jerky landlord!). You can learn to garden, woot! If you want, lol. And have parking, yeehaw! Damn, maybe I'll follow you down South!

[jenstar]

I can understand the deflated feeling @blueyes623 I felt that way when I didn't end up buying right away too, and I've made offers on only a few houses that I've liked enough and not had success which has been deflating too. But I know in the end it will be worth the wait and every time my home owning friends have issues with their houses I feel thankful that I don't have to deal with that stuff right now! There are definitely advantages to renting. I don't think you'll regret it x

[Deleted]

I mostly lurk here, but I relocated across the country 3 years ago and have no regrets! We moved with our 1 year old and rented for 6 months while we checked out the area. 4 months in we found the house and area we wanted, got it and moved in 2 months later. (There were tenants in the house and we had to give 2 months notice.)

When we first moved, we brought everything, but marked everything that was going into storage with big, pink stickers and put it at the back of the moving truck. So we only brought stuff into the apartment that we really needed in those 6 months. Everything else went into storage. It really wasn't that bad to move twice. Annoying, but worth it to make sure we understood the neighbourhoods and the housing market, which was completely different than our previous city.

Good luck, whatever you decide, but moving twice isn't so bad!!

[Deleted]

Feb 22, 2016 23:00:00 GMT -5 @leftie22 said:

I mostly lurk here, but I relocated across the country 3 years ago and have no regrets! We moved with our 1 year old and rented for 6 months while we checked out the area. 4 months in we found the house and area we wanted, got it and moved in 2 months later. (There were tenants in the house and we had to give 2 months notice.)

When we first moved, we brought everything, but marked everything that was going into storage with big, pink stickers and put it at the back of the moving truck. So we only brought stuff into the apartment that we really needed in those 6 months. Everything else went into storage. It really wasn't that bad to move twice. Annoying, but worth it to make sure we understood the neighbourhoods and the housing market, which was completely different than our previous city.

Good luck, whatever you decide, but moving twice isn't so bad!!

Thanks!  Glad you are happy in your new area.  We're coming from an apartment so I think we will just bring all of our stuff to the new apartment.  We are going to rent for a year.  We have no idea what it's like to live out of NYC, so buying in a new city was too risky.  We haven't had sufficient time to learn the neighborhoods there...nothing is familiar to us the way NY is.  We will move twice--it will suck, but it'll suck less than signing a 30 year mortgage in a possibly not fun place.