Preschool teacher situation

[dcn]

Am I off base for being somewhat irritated about this?

On wed ds1's preschool teacher asked me to stay after pickup because ds1 had been throwing things. I guess he was at the coloring station and he threw the crayons. So she told him that makes her sad and put him in time out. Then she said that he told her why he was in there, he went back and did it again. She was totally perplexed, like "he knows he isn't supposed to do it! Then he did it again!!"

He's 3? I don't know what to tell you lady. I am feeling more and more like she has no idea what is typical for a 3 yo. They don't have empathy, and if they do, their impulsiveness overrides that.

I felt like she was waiting for me to suggest something to make him stop but I had no idea and was kind of caught off guard. Isn't that her job? Also he doesn't care about time outs. He can't be the only kid who does stuff like this out of 14 just turned 3 year olds. Unless they are all unicorn kids.

I'm going to chat more with her today bc now that I've had time to think about it, I am pretty sure he's doing it because 1) he doesn't like coloring and 2) because he sees other kids getting attention at other stations so he's acting out to get her attention.

Also I don't know why he has to color if he doesn't want to. Maybe she can give him some cups to sort the crayons into instead. Again, why I am coming up with this I have no idea. Shouldn't she be guiding me as to what is typical for his age and helping to come up with strategies to help other than just putting him in time out?

[soozy87]

Yeah, if only kids would stop doing something if you told them it made you sad. Doesn't work that way.

[scribellesam]

DS1's old teacher used to do this, it drove me crazy. You're the trained childcare professional, why do you think I can fix this?

If you tried to force my preschooler to color, he'd start throwing things too. Dude does not care about crafting.

[cayl]

Is she new? (And I mean that in both a serious and sarcastic way) Either way, if she comes to you with something dumb like this again, I would go to the director. I know that seems harsh, but this is just dumb. She clearly has no idea what to expect from 3 year-olds or how to handle them, and it's not just going to be an issue with your son. Of course I want to know if my kid is being a jerk, but this is something that they should be able to handle on their own and you should never even hear about. I wouldn't go to the director now, but just if this becomes a pattern.

If she really needs a suggestion, I would make it very broad, something like "well, for any kid in really any situation, my suggestion would be to do a timeout with an explanation like you did the first time, and if it happens again, then they can't do that activity any more for the day. I also would focus more on things that are easy for them to understand, rather than feelings, such as saying that we can't throw things because it could hit somebody and hurt them, or break the crayons."

[dcn]

Feb 19, 2016 10:18:11 GMT -5 cayl said:

Is she new? (And I mean that in both a serious and sarcastic way) Either way, if she comes to you with something dumb like this again, I would go to the director. I know that seems harsh, but this is just dumb. She clearly has no idea what to expect from 3 year-olds or how to handle them, and it's not just going to be an issue with your son. Of course I want to know if my kid is being a jerk, but this is something that they should be able to handle on their own and you should never even hear about. I wouldn't go to the director now, but just if this becomes a pattern.

If she really needs a suggestion, I would make it very broad, something like "well, for any kid in really any situation, my suggestion would be to do a timeout with an explanation like you did the first time, and if it happens again, then they can't do that activity any more for the day. I also would focus more on things that are easy for them to understand, rather than feelings, such as saying that we can't throw things because it could hit somebody and hurt them, or break the crayons."

She is new this year. I am not sure how much, if any, experience she has with preschoolers. I think her background is more elementary age which kind of explains it.

[macmars45]

Preschool teacher here.

I would have him pick up the crayons and then try coloring again another day. When kids don't like a particular activity I set a timer for 1-5 minutes and when the timer is up I send then on their way to an activity they'd rather do. Or I say, after you finish coloring x (the turtle for example), you can be done.

When kids do things I don't like (throw crayons/stomp on toys etc) I ask them how they would like it if I went to their house and threw their crayons/stomped on their toys (not that I would of course). They give me a sad face and say they wouldn't like it. IMO connecting it to them/their stuff has a bigger impact on their future behavior. But in the end, they're preschoolers and continue to mess up/do the wrong thing and it's NBD. I just constantly reiterate the rules/how to play nicely with toys etc.

[cayl]

Feb 19, 2016 10:23:59 GMT -5 dcn said:

Feb 19, 2016 10:18:11 GMT -5 cayl said:

Is she new? (And I mean that in both a serious and sarcastic way) Either way, if she comes to you with something dumb like this again, I would go to the director. I know that seems harsh, but this is just dumb. She clearly has no idea what to expect from 3 year-olds or how to handle them, and it's not just going to be an issue with your son. Of course I want to know if my kid is being a jerk, but this is something that they should be able to handle on their own and you should never even hear about. I wouldn't go to the director now, but just if this becomes a pattern.

If she really needs a suggestion, I would make it very broad, something like "well, for any kid in really any situation, my suggestion would be to do a timeout with an explanation like you did the first time, and if it happens again, then they can't do that activity any more for the day. I also would focus more on things that are easy for them to understand, rather than feelings, such as saying that we can't throw things because it could hit somebody and hurt them, or break the crayons."

She is new this year. I am not sure how much, if any, experience she has with preschoolers. I think her background is more elementary age which kind of explains it.

Still...  I'm trying to think about at what age I expect the kids to start listening to me the first time I tell them to stop and have them actually stop and then not do it again.  My kids are 4, and I'm not seeing this happening anytime soon, though maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.  Or maybe I'm raising little hellions. 

[Deleted]

I'm constantly baffled that people who work with children on a daily basis forget what is typical child behavior.

I have no advice, but she's 3. Shit is gonna happen and she's gonna do what she wants.

[Deleted]

Unless he threw them at a kid's head I don't think you need to be involved.

[vamoose]

At home and at school we are more into natural consequences and positive redirection, especially at that age. I'm surprised she jumped right to a time out. I would suggest that she have him pick up the crayons that he threw and if he did it again then I would have him pick up the crayons and tell him he had to take a break from the art supplies since he wasn't using them respectfully.

[cjeanette]

I have said before. I don't understand the mentality of expecting a child to conform to adult logic.

[biscoffcookies]

This reminds me of one of the teachers DD had in her 2s room. Frequently at pick-up she'd pull us aside very seriously and tell us that DD hadn't been listening that day. She also complained repeatedly that DD wouldn't sit still on the carpet. The first time this happened, I was like, "Well, she is 2." The teacher made noises about "well, we'll see how it goes for a few weeks, but otherwise we may have to go talk to the director." I was thinking to myself, "yes, let's!! That way we can discuss with your supervisor your unreasonable expectations for 2-year-olds!

We never did go talk to the director. She didn't last long in that classroom.

[dcn]

Ok glad I'm not the crazy one