Need to vent about stupid lawyers and stbx

[itsmyparty]

<deep breath>

I filed for divorce in the fall. Things started out amicable, but have been deteriorating as the months go on and my stbxh fails to deal with his emotions of the situation. That's what I think is happening, anyway. 

This divorce should be simple. We have a house together that we've owned for about 3.5 years (married 5), retirement accounts and just a little bit of debt. No kids, thank God. I gave him the option of maybe buying me out of our house if he wanted it, and otherwise figured we'd just split our community assets such as 401k. Well, he's a procrastinator, so he asked me to have my attorney put together a draft settlement offer. We got an approximate market value for the house, subpoena'd for necessary financial records, etc. and sent him an offer that amounted to literally all assets just split in half - we didn't even go after any money for debt on my credit card in my name. This was in the end of last year.

Since then, my attorney has asked twice for the response from his attorneys, which they swore was coming. We finally received it, and it's a ridiculous response. It's a non-response, really. I can tell it was written by my husband, then copied/pasted by the attorneys onto their letterhead and signed by them. It's filled with emotionally charged and belittling language, inaccurate statements, a completely bogus and strange way of how they arrived at the home equity amount, and to top it all off their counter-offer settlement was less than a third of the amount we proposed (again, ours was very fair and equitable, and based on bank/mortgage statements and backed up by the appraisal done on the house). But what was really the cherry on top of that sundae was that in the process of him itemizing a ridiculous amount of transactions and things he feels he's unfairly helped pay for over the past year he called out the co-pays (less than $300 total) for my "psychologist/therapist" appointments - the licensed marital and family therapist I started seeing by myself after I told him that I wanted us to start marriage counseling together. He refused to go with me, but I decided I'd start going myself and picked a guy I thought he'd like in the hope that i could convince him to start going with me. Real rich of him to bitch about paying for copays for marriage therapy that, had he gone, maybe would have prevented this divorce in the first place.

His law firm has been dragging its feet, they seem to attract men with a victim mentality, and I think it's shameful they actually put their name on this response. It has no basis in legal precedent or case law in our state, and it pisses me off that they allow this case to drag on for months while they fail to advise their client (my stbxh) appropriately. 

[1confused1]

I'm really sorry you are dealing with that.

I'm pretty sure I could write a book on this topic, so feel free to ask me anything.

Can you guys file for a default motion since his attorney is dragging is feet?

[itsmyparty]

We have filed for a trial date, and actually the judge was supposed to name the date today, so I'll have to check with my attorney tomorrow to see if that date got filed. But yeah, the trial date would be months into the future. I really have little doubt a mediator will basically come down on my side since we have documentation showing we were actually very equitable and fair (this is a community property state), but hubby could still refuse a mediator's recommendations. What's extra annoying is that I'll have to come back here from my new locale in order to do mediation or trial. Not to mention if it goes to trial - which would be sooooo ridiculous and expensive given how simple this should be - I'm stuck being married to this bozo and his incompetent attorneys until maybe the end of this year!

I don't understand the logic of responding in such an insulting and unreasonable manner that it offends the other party and makes them feel there is no point in further negotiations. As a community property state, and the relatively simple assets/debts we have combined with precedent for what types of things can be considered in dividing assets and debts, a judge will rule much more in my favor than what he just lobbed over the fence. If he came pretty close to our offer but was just a bit lower I would have probably gone along with it, but there is no point in even responding to this offer and it made my blood boil just reading it. Again, I can't believe his attorneys actually thought it was a good idea to send it.

[1confused1]

First rule of family court, there us no logic. Throw that idea out or your setting yourself up for some serious stress and disappointment.

[itsmyparty]

I'm also trying really hard not to be hurt by the things he's yelling at me (we're still in the same house until I move out next month) or that he said in this damn letter, but it's hard. I have to keep telling myself that I shouldn't care what he has to say to me, because he's an asshole and assholes will say assholey things. But some of these digs cut really deep.

[pandora]

That letter is a reflection of him and who he is right now, nothing about you or the reality of the situation. Keep reminding yourself of that every minute to keep yourself from being pulled down his rabbit hole.

Oh man, in your shoes, I would regroup and not budge on anything and would come back with him being responsible for half the debt under your name. No more being nice and no more acts of charity. After what he pulled, I wouldn't change that course even while living with him since he's not worried about it. I'd be playing hard ball from here on out. He'd be wishing he had the original deal going forward.

[doglove]

Sell the house and be done with it. I had drama like this when my marriage ended, one of us potentially buying the other one out and it was a never ending "I want this much money or I'll give you this much money" from my ex so in the end - even though we got less, we sold. Less drama and no ties to each other or emotional memories.

[glitzyglow]

Divorce is hard and I'm sorry yours is being dragged out in this manner.

[bg]

I can commiserate with you. It shouldn't be so complicated but somehow they make it so. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that!

[kanga1]

I feel your pain! What really baffles me is some of these attorneys who obviously know what they're doing is dumb and yet waste their client's money anyway. My attorney was so blunt and to the point if I would have suggested something like that she would have said what the hell are you thinking, that won't work and not even let me tried something that stupid

[Linie]

I'm in the same situation: we're separated, just have to sell the house and file the divorce papers. He's dragging his feet like a snail and referring to things he paid 10 years ago... It won't work, but I'm getting really impatient!

[pinkdutchtulips]

Feb 24, 2016 0:07:59 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

First rule of family court, there us no logic. Throw that idea out or your setting yourself up for some serious stress and disappointment.

word ! My simple default judgment has taken now just over a year bc the court is insisting on paperwork re spousal & child support (neither of which I want).

Logically the court should just rubber stamp the default bc umm 2 protective orders and xh is a transient drug addict but nooo the court wants me to jump through all these hoops ...

[glynn]

I feel your pain.

[itsmyparty]

Thanks, everyone. Yeah, I'm not too inspired to be nice anymore. Especially since I will be away from him, which I think will help me develop some emotional distance, too. I'm so glad I hired a kick-ass attorney that I know will get me what I deserve. I'm sad that he's forcing me to be a bitch about this; I was willing to give up a little money for convenience of him staying in the house, but I'm not going to let him have it for practically nothing. The hurtful words were just icing on the cake. And his lawyers should be embarrassed they sent that letter - it makes them look like they have no idea what they're doing. Maybe they advised him against it and he told them to pound sand, I dunno, but at some point the attorney needs to stand firm and not let their client do themselves in. Oh well!