STBXH coming to my house

[glynn]

So again last night STBXH came to my house again. This time he came all the way through the house and I did not even know he was there. I usually lock the doors when I get home because he has done this before. I was distracted last night getting the trash out, DD feed and all the other stuff. I did not lock the door after I came in. I was in the back of the house fixing her supper with the washer running. I turned around to give DD her plate and he was standing right behind me. I was like you can't come into my house... He said I brought her medicine. I said you still can't walk into my house whenever you want. He said I knocked 3 times and you did not answer. DD thought it was the best thing ever and I was fuming.

I have told him before he can not come over whenever he wants and just walk in. He has been all through the house twice and stopped but unannounced numerous times. I have only been moved out 1 month tomorrow. I have never been to his place nor do I want to.

Is there anything I can do to stop him from coming over. I is not mean or nothing when he comes over it just disrupts everything with DD. Oh last week he called one morning at 6AM and asked to speak to DD. Then he told to come to the door he had something for her. He brought her a donut and she is overweight.

[1confused1]

Oh wow. What an invasion of your privacy. I would look into getting a restraining order.

[Deleted]

I assume this is a new place that belongs just to you. Email him so you have a trail of proof saying that he needs to schedule when he comes over or give notice. if he comes over unannounced just ignore him at the door or tell him thru the door to go away and not let him see DD.Call the cops if he wont leave.
My phone has the ability for a night mode where only specific numbers that call you will go through and not to VM.

Does he hang around or leaves as soon as he's done what he feels he needs to do. I feel like this is a controlling technique. I don't feel like a restraining order is the first step here...

[jigsy]

I don't have any experience, but I would treat him as I would treat any intruder - I'd call the police. To try to head off potential drama, I would tell him via email that he is not welcome at your home without your expressed invitation. That he is not allowed to walk in. That he needs arrange times to see your daughter in advance (or stick to an agreement that is in place if it is). Any violation of this will result in you calling the police.

Not the point, but I cringed when you expressed displeasure for him bringing you DD a doughnut because she is overweight. :/

[bg]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with jigsy, in regards to advice. And document, document, document in the case that you do have to escalate.

[glynn]

Feb 24, 2016 17:06:58 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I don't have any experience, but I would treat him as I would treat any intruder - I'd call the police. To try to head off potential drama, I would tell him via email that he is not welcome at your home without your expressed invitation. That he is not allowed to walk in. That he needs arrange times to see your daughter in advance (or stick to an agreement that is in place if it is). Any violation of this will result in you calling the police.

Not the point, but I cringed when you expressed displeasure for him bringing you DD a doughnut because she is overweight. :/

It is not that I was upset that he brought her a doughnut because she is overweight. It was that he came unannounced at 6AM with said doughnut. I was stating a fact that she is overweight which is something he knows and we have been working on by offering her healthy options for years. I have been overweight at times in my life so I know the feeling. Her birth mother and family have all stated that being overweight was why she started abusing drugs which my DD is now paying the price dearly for. I want to try to not make this a issue for DD. Drugs and alcohol are big fears for me with her.

[glynn]

I thought a restraining order had to be with something like threating me which he is not doing.

Yes, it is my own place that he has never had anything to do with. I have e-mailed him and texted him that he can not do this. We have a custody agreement in force but I really do not want to cause a big scene with DD. She has other issues and does not need this drama.

[1confused1]

Entering someone's home without their consent is illegal. Call the police. Start standing up to this guy and start locking your door.

[pandora]

Feb 24, 2016 17:56:25 GMT -5 glynn said:

I thought a restraining order had to be with something like threating me which he is not doing.

Yes, it is my own place that he has never had anything to do with. I have e-mailed him and texted him that he can not do this. We have a custody agreement in force but I really do not want to cause a big scene with DD. She has other issues and does not need this drama.

Agreed that this is not restraining order territory but I would make it very clear via email and leaving the trail of prior emails where you have communicated this, as well. Include in this email that you be calling the police going forward as he is not allowed in your home and he is entering your personal home without pepermission. I think you need.to start playing hard ball with this guy to get him to be forced into boundaries. Also, include that it is disruptivefor your daughter when he shows up unannounced not.to mention that he scares you by standing behind you in your home when you think you are alone with your daughter. That's an important point should it become part of public or court record. He sounds really annoying.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with such baloney!

[pinkdutchtulips]

Feb 24, 2016 17:56:25 GMT -5 glynn said:

I thought a restraining order had to be with something like threating me which he is not doing.

Yes, it is my own place that he has never had anything to do with. I have e-mailed him and texted him that he can not do this. We have a custody agreement in force but I really do not want to cause a big scene with DD. She has other issues and does not need this drama.

as someone who has an RO, coming INTO you home unannounced and uninvited IMO IS threatening. Him barging in like he owns the place would unnerve me to no end. You need to set boundaries and stick to them documenting every failure to do so.

[doglove]

The reason he keeps walking all over you and doing what he wants is because you're not standing up to him. If you want the behavior to change, you have to be the one to start reacting to his actions with your boundaries. There's been a lot of good advice in this thread.

[tiffany81]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I think it's an easy thing to fix. First, don't answer his calls at 6AM. He can leave a message and you can call him back later. Don't answer the door. Make sure you keep it locked. I don't answer when someone random knocks on my door, and I wouldn't answer for my XH unless I wanted to see him.

[cuddlyevil]

LOCK THE DOOR.

Call the police, even if you can't get a TRO you can get it documented.

Do not allow him in if he just shows up with no notice.

Talk to your attorney.