Updated XP: my husband wants out

[Deleted]

I just have to write these words out because I don't know what to do. My husband told me last night that he hasn't been happy for months and that we are living as roommates. He said that I don't need him and he has only felt like a rent check. He said that he began talking to a girl a week ago that made him feel more interesting and wanted.

We've been married almost 10 years. We both have our issues, he hurt me and I pulled away 3 years ago and never fully went back. I want to. I feel like I'm begging but I feel like he is gone. He's crying all the time and hugs me, but left last night. We love each other so much we are best friends but I think he's gone. He also said that he wants kids which we had decided not to do. He said he's wanted them for a few months but knew that was a deal breaker. I'm so lost and just want this to work out.

Updated: It's over.  He wants a clean slate and doesn't want to work on it. 

[cuddlyevil]

Are you in therapy? Is he?

Therapy will only help you here. I am sorry.

[glynn]

Sorry it is hard but you will work through it. Kids are a deal breaker either way.

[jojoandleo]

So, let me get this straight, rather than being a goddam adult and TALKING with you about your issues, he sought attention from another woman to fluff his ego? And then TOLD you about it as if it was YOUR fault? Bye Felicia. Don't let the door hit you on your way out. Or do. I don't give a fuck.

[bg]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Therapy for sure! And post here too!

[glitzyglow]

I hope you'll go to therapy...it was wonderfully helpful to me when my exH decided he didn't want me or our life anymore. You're dealing with so much right now and I'm so sorry that you are having to experience this.

[Deleted]

Hugs.  Sorry you've found yourself here.  

[pandora]

I am sorry. I remember how I felt being in this situation. Everything was spinning. So many hugs. You will get through this. Stay strong and don't run to him or beg no matter how much you want to. Call a lawyer tomorrow and make copies of all bank accounts, debt accounts, any and all joint property or interests, mortgage statements - everything you can think of. Find out how separation legally works in your state from the lawyer. They will answer before you commit to one.

Don't let him take advantage of you feeling vulnerable, and you're going to. The other 1 week thing sounds suspect to me so I would get your guns loaded. He's been thinking about this longer than a week, I'm guessing. Protect yourself. Find a counselor so you have a neutral person to talk to outside of friends and family. But, try to keep yourself unemotional around him so things don't spiral and get messy. Lean on those you trust. I am so sorry. Hugs!

[doglove]

Hugs.

[mysterons]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so difficult but you will get through it. Take some time to figure out what you want - therapy helps with this process.

[sweetchix]

I'm sorry. You will find plenty of support here. (((Hugs)))