Would this annoy you?

[sweetchix]

Yes, that would annoy me too. I agree that why would you have to ask? He could easily have said something along the lines of "sorry you're having a bad day. My day is/has been..." Unless that would annoy you too if it you felt that was him gloating about him having a better day than you? I don't know, but yes, I agree with you.

[Deleted]

I'm the one most likely to dish passive aggressive bullshit in a relationship, so don't ask me.

[glitzyglow]

Yes, this would annoy me. He could have meant it light-heartedly, but either way, he's taking a jab at you for not asking.

[jigsy]

I just want to ask - in your other communication, is it clear he had a good day? I mean, was "My day was good, thanks for asking" not only passive aggressive but also sarcastic?

That would almost be how I would want to respond to someone who only wanted to talk about their shitty day, without asking me about my shitty day, if I was, in fact, having a shitty day.

Does that make sense. For me, personally, when someone asks how I am, I almost always respond "I am ____. How are you?" And then from there, we can talk about days of equal shittiness, or whatever.

My initial reaction was that he was also having a terrible day, and wanted to talk to you to make it a better day, but then felt like you didn't even care enough to reciprocate his initial interest in him. If this is the case, yes, he kind of responded childishly, but I think texting when upset is always a minefield because tone can change meaning.

[katieido]

That would turn me off. Passive aggressive, needy, and annoying nonsense.

Unless he was responding to someone else's message, which is also annoying!

[bl]

Mar 4, 2016 14:09:50 GMT -5 mp said:

Mar 4, 2016 14:03:35 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I just want to ask - in your other communication, is it clear he had a good day? I mean, was "My day was good, thanks for asking" not only passive aggressive but also sarcastic?

That would almost be how I would want to respond to someone who only wanted to talk about their shitty day, without asking me about my shitty day, if I was, in fact, having a shitty day.

Does that make sense. For me, personally, when someone asks how I am, I almost always respond "I am ____. How are you?" And then from there, we can talk about days of equal shittiness, or whatever.

My initial reaction was that he was also having a terrible day, and wanted to talk to you to make it a better day, but then felt like you didn't even care enough to reciprocate his initial interest in him. If this is the case, yes, he kind of responded childishly, but I think texting when upset is always a minefield because tone can change meaning.

I get the frustration in wanting someone to ask you about your day - but then, just share it! Say "I'm sorry you're having a frustrating day. So am I blah blah blah". People can't read minds you know? That's what it comes down to for me - I can't read your mind. Share your feelings and thoughts and don't assume anyone knows what you want or are thinking. 

He's also been sarcastic/passive aggressive in one other instance I can recall, and it annoyed me then, too. But it was a minor topic then. 

Like I said - I understand the sentiment and respect the feelings - that he felt like I wasn't interested in his day. But ... the response was immature and not gonna win any favor with me. lol.

I am here.  If I was also having a bad I would say something along the lines of oh no, I hate that you're having such an awful day.  I can totally relate mine was pretty shitty too.  Now if the person never asked about my day I would bring it up to them specifically and not passive aggressively. I have no tolerance for friends or partners that intentionally try to make another person feel like shit with their words.

[Deleted]

God I'm dense because I was like oh he clearly texted the wrong person. That doesn't seem like a big deal. Then I was like ooooohhh. It probably wouldn't bother me because I lend toward the sarcastic side. But it doesn't matter what would bother me, if it bothers you, you should tell him (or move on, not sure how far this has moved along).

[pandora]

I find that incredibly immature and not indicative of quality relationship material. He's showing you how he handles his communication already. I'd consider it a favor and move on. I have no time for the future hassles. Obv, I'm team you, speak up in a mature fashion if you need to talk about something instead of making it a problem. Next!

[mcsangel2]

After that, I'd be nexting him instead of texting him. (since you said he's commented in a similar way before). Ain't nobody got time for that.

[abcdefu]

Team you as well!

Did he even ask how your day was, or did you just say you were having a crappy day?

It's super immature. It's like saying: my favorite color is red. What is your favorite color? This is a conversation I have with my 3 yo niece, not someone I'm texting/interested in

[cuadrado]

Yes, it would annoy me. I wouldn't go out with him again.

[bg]

It would annoy me too. Depending on how into him you are, I'd have a conversation about it or move on.

[pandora]

Mar 5, 2016 1:10:50 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Eh, it would only bug me if it was a pattern. As I've gotten older this kind of thing bugs me way less than it used to and my relationships are more harmonious lol.

I see his behavior as drama inducing which is why I'd run. I absolutely cannot stand drama. If he had just said that he's having a bad day too, they could commiserate together. I'm with mp on this and think she's being the emotionally mature one...and recognizing a recurring red flag.

[Wanderista]

Yeah, that comment would rub me the wrong way. It feels disrespectful. Sarcasm is fine but that comment of his seems kind of poisonous to me. It's the kind of thing that would undermine a relationship with me. It's kind of like having a "friend" who then says little shitty things to you. Nope, I don't have time for that crap.

My problem with it is that he's criticizing you/attacking you, peeing in the well rather than being positive and supportive. I guess I don't tolerate much passive-aggressiveness either, but I guess it's the fact that it's aggressive at all that is red flaggy to me. 

[brooke77]

It would really annoy me. You're sick and busy. He can contribute to the conversation by telling you how his day has been without directly being asked.

That comment would be a huge turnoff for me.

[bl]

That good talk comment would annoy me a hell of a lot more than what you first posted. The two together would be a complete turn off for me. Only you know if this kind of communication would be a deal breaker for you long term.

[Deleted]

Mar 5, 2016 11:37:51 GMT -5 mp said:

Mar 5, 2016 1:10:50 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Eh, it would only bug me if it was a pattern. As I've gotten older this kind of thing bugs me way less than it used to and my relationships are more harmonious lol.

The one comment he made before was a few weeks ago - similar circumstance, when I was at work and didn't respond during the day, and he said "Good talk". 

For me my relationships have become more harmonious because I don't keep around people who communicate with passive aggressiveness. haha.

I dunno. At the very least, since our schedules don't match well and we'd be dealing with text a lot - it seems our communication styles don't mesh.

Honestly, this is why especially when I did the online dating thing for a little bit, I didn't like texting. It's hard to get context through text and I can see where certain things could be lost in translation until you know someone.

My boyfriend tours a lot and I'm busy during the day and we're often on different time zones. Neither of us are big texters, so we stick to the phone, sometimes we don't talk daily. That's ok with both of us. 

If your communication styles don't match up then yeah I think that's the main problem. I hate unnecessary drama that social media and texting has caused...for example, if he really expects you to text him back right away. Grow up. 

[dirtyred]

Mar 4, 2016 14:02:51 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Yes, this would annoy me. He could have meant it light-heartedly, but either way, he's taking a jab at you for not asking.

He sounds high maintenance, like he needs a lot of attention.  I'd move on.  

[Linie]

He sounds like a needy child. Both comments would annoy me.
If he's a good guy otherwise, I would talk to him about this.
Good luck

[jojoandleo]

Mar 5, 2016 11:37:51 GMT -5 mp said:

Mar 5, 2016 1:10:50 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Eh, it would only bug me if it was a pattern. As I've gotten older this kind of thing bugs me way less than it used to and my relationships are more harmonious lol.

The one comment he made before was a few weeks ago - similar circumstance, when I was at work and didn't respond during the day, and he said "Good talk". 

For me my relationships have become more harmonious because I don't keep around people who communicate with passive aggressiveness. haha.

I dunno. At the very least, since our schedules don't match well and we'd be dealing with text a lot - it seems our communication styles don't mesh.

Okay, this one would annoy me more than the other text.  Like, I don't owe you shit.  Just because you text doesn't mean I am able to respond, or should drop everything to do so!  He seems entitled.  Nope.