Me, work, WWYD?

[Deleted]

The summer between graduating for college and going to law school I cleaned houses, pulled weeds in a forest, and cleaned my uncle's pool and worked on his landscaping. I babysat from the time I was 12 or 13 to the end of college. And I've donated plasma.

If you need the money do it. And for what its worth I really hope you and your H can get on the same page, and quick.

[Bonita]

Aug 30, 2012 22:13:30 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

So here's my question to all of you. Answer honestly. If you were in my financial situation, and had an opportunity to make $40 for one hour's work, mowing and edging someone's lawn, in an area where you might see someone you know, would you do it?

DEFINITELY

[marynjoe]

Aug 30, 2012 23:10:14 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

He's a jerk

Suesue, he's really not. He's a good man. A good husband, and a hard worker. This whole thing has thrown him and we have different attitudes when it comes to money. But he's not sitting around all day and he's not a jerk. If he was, I'd be gone already.

[imoan]

Do you hear yourself?! You're talking about selling plasma while your H is grumbling that he doesn't want to help you clean someone's house.

And I know you love him... but a "good man" doesn't sit back while his wife is KILLING herself (and potentially selling off parts of herself) to make sure you don't drown... and on top of not killing HIMSELF to get some odd jobs, he also can't manage to suck it up and be supportive of what you ARE doing.

[Tacocat]

My H was unemployed for a short time earlier this month and is now underemployed. He would probably take any odd job, such as mowing a lawn or whatever just to bring in some extra money. I get that people were raised differently with finances, but he's got to understand that him not bringing in extra money and waiting until the last possible second to do something is only going to make your situation worse. I know my H felt terrible about not doing anything and he was only unemployed for 2 weeks.

[Deleted]

What field did your husband work in? Just out of curiousity.

[bcv513]

Hold the hell on a minute. You're talking about SELLING BODY FLUIDS to pay your bills while your husband sits home?? Why can't he wait tables? Why are you the one doing all the work? I'm sure he's a great guy, etc, but come on. Enough wallowing.

[Deleted]

This is not about people pooh poohing you bringing some extra money any way you can.

This is about throwing shade your H's way that you're ransacking your brain, losing sleeping, and giving up your downtime so he can lay his ass on the couch and continue to woe is me his job sitch. You know what's beneath me? Living so tight I can hardly breath because of one's principles, and overblown, ego driven principles at that.

[partiallysunny]

Yes. Of course I would.

I'm mad at YH.

[marynjoe]

Did anyone read my post on page 1 where I said that he isn't laying on the couch all day playing video games?

[partiallysunny]

The thing that gets me is he has the cojones to tell you what you are doing is demeaning.

[Tacocat]

I think it's the fact that he is poo pooing you bringing in extra income when he is not bringing in any because it's "beneath him" that people are getting upset about.

[Deleted]

Please don't front like sending resumes via the internet and going on a few interviews is the same thing as holding a full time job and then coming home to do the drudgery of housework or lawn and garden.

There's nothing wrong with cleaning homes or mowing lawns but if we're looking at who has more time to pick up these things, we aren't looking in a mirror.

This response would be different if you were looking to pick up some odd jobs in addition to the ones he was looking for or if he was willing to come along with you and help with the ones you're finding. But he's not. Instead, he's all OMG, WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK!!

[Deleted]

Oh and the grousing like a teenager who has been told to get a summer job??

Yeah, I couldn't fuck that. I'm pretty sure my lady bits would be on lockdown mode until he did something incredibly sexy . . . like put aside his pride and brought home a little gas money. I'm just saying.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2012 9:34:45 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

He hasn't said that it's demeaning, it's the look on his face of, "Realy, you want me to do what?" But he won't say anything. My family members are saying it's beneath me.

I took a lawn mowing job for tomorrow and DH has been informed that he's going with me and he is. Also, if I go sell plasma, you're damn skippy DH will be there right next to me doing the same thing. He can bitch and grumble, but if I find something like that, he's going with me. And he has so far.

That is great. Just keep it up and if you have to, push him more to do odd jobs. Everyone needs a push now and then.

Good luck.

[Deleted]

I think you are suffering from a moment of temporary stupid.

WHY ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING AT ALL?! WHY ARE YOU THE ONE FINDING THESE JOBS AND DRAGGING HIM ALONG? He is spending hours a day at home, during business hours, looking for jobs. Why can't he sit in a security room, stock groceries through the night, work early a.m. restaurant prep or serve at night, bartend as many have suggested, or... IDK... toss papers?

Your husband is NOT being a good husband (or even friend, if you ask me) by putting your financial lives at risk because of his pride.

Your husband has a terrible work ethic and I hope you see that you are dragging around dead weight.

[imoan]

There is nothing you can say right now that will make him look better. Because his ACTIONS are speaking loud and clear about his work ethic, his commitment to you and his character. I know, I know... you told him that finding a job was his full time job. Whatever. You think a man who watches as his wife kills herself in a FT job and then comes home to work even MORE while he's grumbling like an annoyed 17 year old that he has to give up his summers is really a "great man"?

And he's an adult. He really has NO idea that losing an ENTIRE paycheck is going to have a negative impact on your finances?!

You keep making excuses for him. And I know it's because you love him and WANT him to be that good man. But he's NOT being that right now.

[Deleted]

It would annoy the piss out of me that I had to spoon feed this to him and then browbeat him into submission over something that should come naturally.

If you feel that way at all or think you might, you really need to have a come to jesus moment.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2012 9:48:31 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

I beat it into his head that looking for a full time job was his new full time job. So, he's been doing that. I didn't beat it into his head that on top of that, he should be taking other jobs to keep money coming in. We both thought that with his experience and references, he'd be able to get a new job very quickly. We were wrong. And, I know he's underestimated the urgency I feel about getting money coming in asap.

We're havng another long talk today.

listen, i'm with elle on not playing chicken and just doing what you need to do to pay your bills.

but i'm also with booby, habs, et al on WHATTHEEVERLOVINGFUCK you're doing making excuses for him? he's sending out resumes? i can do that and pick my nose and scratch my ass at the same time. he needs to HELP PAY THE FUCKING BILLS and look for a full time job.

i don't care if he's one of the hiltons or the coal miner's daughter--you adjust your "attitude about money" to fit YOUR ACTUAL CIRCUMSTANCES. here are your circumstances: A) he needs a full time job; and B) he needs TO BRING SOME CASH IN THE DOOR. he can do both. at the same time. in fact, pursuit of B could even assist with A, both in terms of time management and getting out of the house and meeting people. you never know, the lawn you mow today could be the boss of your office job tomorrow.

get that jackwagon off of his ass.

[Deleted]

It doesn't take two of you to mow and edge a lawn, and I doubt you'll be getting paid anymore for both of you being there, so why not YH just go and do it...by himself.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2012 10:02:04 GMT -5 @juliash said:

It doesn't take two of you to mow and edge a lawn, and I doubt you'll be getting paid anymore for both of you being there, so why not YH just go and do it...by himself.

:Y:

Yes. This is a good solution.

[Deleted]

and i'm telling you, i say this with all seriousness. no one is really too good for any job.

i'm a lawyer. people i work with think they're fancy. and when everyone and his mother in my industry was getting laid off (smart, good, clever, excellent people who were casualties of an economic meltdown), the fancy lawyers who had the most success acted like their hair was on FIRE. and while they looked for lawyer jobs, they did all kinds of random shit. one of my friends opened her own personal management company--organizing people's home offices for them (i'm talking throwing trash away and color coding folders. she did it ALL). several got retail jobs and worked HARD and cheerfully at them. a couple did paralegal and secretarial work. they didn't get the sad puppy eyes about "how could you ask ME to do THAT," the paid the fucking bills.

[childofhiphop]

Aug 30, 2012 22:13:30 GMT -5 marynjoe said:

Aug 30, 2012 21:50:05 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Reading all of this again makes me want to beat your H with that fucking bootstrap.

So here's my question to all of you. Answer honestly. If you were in my financial situation, and had an opportunity to make $40 for one hour's work, mowing and edging someone's lawn, in an area where you might see someone you know, would you do it?

Yes. Neither of us have job pride. We both try and work two jobs during the holiday season as we work on reducing our debt.

I've never worried about what people say - as I wrapped coworkers gifts at the Macy's customer service counter.

Taking care of my family trumps any sort of pride.

[mrssavy42112]

Yes, I would. I think the philosophies of you & your husband mirror that of DH and me. I’ll do whatever it takes. DH wants to wait until its worst case scenario. He wants to charge things & pay it off monthly; I want to save for it & pay in cash up front. It’s just a different mindset.

It’s hard for us right now because DH is working, but he doesn’t make nearly enough. He’s taking online classes to switch to a higher paying career, but that takes time. He’s working to advance, but the money isn’t coming in right now. So, I’m doing like you. I’m working 2 jobs to make ends meet. When he gives me a hard time & says I work too much, I just remind him how much is coming in/out and he shuts up. In your situation, I really think DH should be doing these jobs.

ETA: Oh, and I agree that both of you don’t need to go together for these jobs. It’s much more efficient if you both book a job during the same time & go do them separately. Twice the money in the same amount of time. Also, if you don’t want to hear your family telling you that it’s ‘beneath’ you, then don’t tell them. My family & DHs family have no need to know what types of jobs we do in order to make ends meet. They don’t need to know that we are struggling. Obviously it’s hard to hide a job loss, but they don’t need to know the rest. Especially if instead of being supportive, they’re being critical.

[kadams767]

I would do it, but let me just say that if DH was unemployed and I was already working full-time, there is not a snowballs chance in hell that he would let me go mow someone else's lawn while he stayed home "sending out resumes".

[interro]

I need to know why the hell this man cannot look for a full time job while taking on whatever odd jobs he can find in the meantime to bring some damn money into the household. I work 2 jobs right now and still have time to look for a new one. He needs to step up. The idea that bringing in an honest dollar is beneath you, him, or anyone is ridiculous. When bills need to be paid, they need to be paid!

[ralphlauren]

I would that if I had to.