Competitive SIL

[Deleted]

My sil (h's brother's wife) just texted me that they're coming to visit this weekend. Her newborn is one month older than mine. We are...very different in many ways. Ex. I told her we haven't come to Houston because O is not good on long car rides. She told me to take her out of the car seat on the freeway and hold her in my arms. Her 2 older kids are out of control and terrors due to lack of discipline. She has very traditional views on gender roles that I think are eyerollworthy, etc.

Anyways, she's super over the top with her baby and keeps comparing her to mine, which annoys the ever loving fuck out of me. She calls her princess (cringe!) and posts a million pics that she's the cutest baby EVER! She just texted me asking if ds is a good sleeper and I responded, "no, he's pretty terrible." Her response,"Maybe he's hungry. Dd is such a good girl! She sleeps every night from 10 pm-8am since she was 2 months." My gut response is "f-you!" 

Now I don't want to see them if we have to play one-up the entire time. Am I overreacting? My baby has his moments. I love him to pieces but he's pretty fussy and high maintenance. How do I respond if she's annoying about her baby? I mean, even if he was a perfect uniform baby, I wouldn't want to annoy the world with the details, ykwim.

[pugz]

are they staying with you? Please tell me no.

[VillainV]

Ugh. I would have a really hard time with that. I'd probably try to ignore all of the "my baby is so good" talk, and either respond with "that's nice" or just not respond at all. I absolutely don't think I could hold my tongue about her taking her baby out of the carseat on the freeway.

[electricmayhem]

I don't think you're overreacting. Sleep especially was one of my hot-button issues when DS was a newborn, specifically because he wasn't good at it, I was trying like hell to correct it (and failing) and I highly resented the implication (real or imagined on my part) that he was terrible at night because of something I wasn't doing right. And when people would hear he wasn't sleeping and then make some sort of comment about how that equated to him being a "bad baby", they went right on my sh*t list. Like forever, lol.

What I do (and this may not be the right answer, nor the most mature) is don't engage on things that are going to tick me off. So when people would ask about stuff that made me touchy, I'd give a wide smile and brightly ask, "Why do you want to know?", then change the subject. And I especially made a habit of staying really engrossed in other people's conversations that had nothing to do with my kid and how he slept, so it seemed like it was the furthest thing from my mind.

[Deleted]

Mar 9, 2016 16:21:44 GMT -5 pugz said:

are they staying with you? Please tell me no.

Oh hell no. Lol

[Susie]

Ugh.  With newborns it's all luck anyway.  I mean it's desirable if a kid is a unicorn, but they're not a good kid or a bad kid if they do or don't.  I would not have the energy to deal with that (especially for a whole weekend!?).

[soozy87]

I would probably just start one upping her with totally ridiculous stuff. Oh, your baby only sleeps that long? Well, my baby can blink the ABCs in Morse code.

[midwest07]

Mar 9, 2016 16:17:51 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

My sil (h's brother's wife) just texted me that they're coming to visit this weekend. Her newborn is one month older than mine. We are...very different in many ways. Ex. I told her we haven't come to Houston because O is not good on long car rides. She told me to take her out of the car seat on the freeway and hold her in my arms. Her 2 older kids are out of control and terrors due to lack of discipline. She has very traditional views on gender roles that I think are eyerollworthy, etc.

Anyways, she's super over the top with her baby and keeps comparing her to mine, which annoys the ever loving fuck out of me. She calls her princess (cringe!) and posts a million pics that she's the cutest baby EVER! She just texted me asking if ds is a good sleeper and I responded, "no, he's pretty terrible." Her response,"Maybe he's hungry. Dd is such a good girl! She sleeps every night from 10 pm-8am since she was 2 months." My gut response is "f-you!" 

Now I don't want to see them if we have to play one-up the entire time. Am I overreacting? My baby has his moments. I love him to pieces but he's pretty fussy and high maintenance. How do I respond if she's annoying about her baby? I mean, even if he was a perfect uniform baby, I wouldn't want to annoy the world with the details, ykwim.

Really? This cannot be true. She sounds awful, hopefully you can limit your time with them.

[namasteak]

So they just TOLD you they were coming instead of ASKING? I would say that weekend doesn't work for me and not see them.

[hbear]

She sounds awful.

I'd have a lot of snarky comebacks ready, but in reality I would probably never say them. I hope it's a short visit for your sake.

[MadamePresident]

I would just say that everyone person who has an easy baby has a terrible teenager, so you would rather deal with things now.

[steph2008]

Mar 9, 2016 16:30:19 GMT -5 Susie said:

Ugh.  With newborns it's all luck anyway.  I mean it's desirable if a kid is a unicorn, but they're not a good kid or a bad kid if they do or don't.  I would not have the energy to deal with that (especially for a whole weekend!?).

I agree with this. My daughter (7 months) was a ROUGH newborn. She cried 24/7 if she wasn't held and in movement. Everyone had advice, felt bad for me, etc. Now, at 7 months, she is so chill and enjoyable... but as a newborn, no way. I think I'd lose my mind hearing that, to the point where the first time SIL starts this comparison crap you should just tell her all babies are different and you don't want to spend the whole weekend comparing. She prob won't get it, but still... how annoying.

[dochas]

Mar 9, 2016 16:33:35 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

I would probably just start one upping her with totally ridiculous stuff. Oh, your baby only sleeps that long? Well, my baby can blink the ABCs in Morse code.

The high road is probably a better choice - but this is what I would do for sure.  If she tries to point out some negative about your son turn it around on her. If she brags about sleeping, talk about how alert and engaged yours is. And tell her not to worry because hers will probably become more alert soon enough. If she comments on his "fussiness" say that a complacent baby would probably be easier but you're glad you have a future leader! It will be fun to see if you can get her to start claiming the opposite of what she's saying now - that she doesn't sleep long and is fussy.

[redwino]

I'd curse at her a lot and tell her to STFU. If you can't cuss out family, who can you cuss out? I'm only partially kidding. You can either join the petty brigade and one up her or refuse to engage.

[redheadk]

Mar 9, 2016 19:42:22 GMT -5 dochas said:

Mar 9, 2016 16:33:35 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

I would probably just start one upping her with totally ridiculous stuff. Oh, your baby only sleeps that long? Well, my baby can blink the ABCs in Morse code.

The high road is probably a better choice - but this is what I would do for sure.  If she tries to point out some negative about your son turn it around on her. If she brags about sleeping, talk about how alert and engaged yours is. And tell her not to worry because hers will probably become more alert soon enough. If she comments on his "fussiness" say that a complacent baby would probably be easier but you're glad you have a future leader! It will be fun to see if you can get her to start claiming the opposite of what she's saying now - that she doesn't sleep long and is fussy.

From a fellow fussy baby mom (now amazingly well behaved and chill preschooler), please please PLEASE do this!!