Random thoughts

[liubot]

I know there's those daily randoms threads but I'm just thinking a lot and want to empty some thoughts.

Never thought relationships were so hard. Or so much work, really, and that's possibly the reason none of mine have worked out. Maybe I'm that dumb sometimes, that I never realized this. I was sitting watching my boyfriend get a bone marrow biopsy today and the look of pain on his face. I can't, I said to myself. I can't ever do this again If this fails. Partially because he is sick but otherwise I am sick of the heartache and disappointment.

I'm tired, guys. Tired of keeping it together and being everyone's outstretched arms. I can't do it anymore.

[jojoandleo]

We are all dumb sometimes when it comes to relationships. I think that is why it is soooo important to really know YOURSELF before you date. It's easier to walk away and be okay if you are okay with who you are as an individual. It's also easier to stay and try to work when you know you aren't staying solely out of fear.

All relationships are hard. No person is perfect, and if someone was, Well, I'd hate the bitch on principle. It is hard, but you will be okay. Even if this relationship doesn't work out. Because you are not your relationship. You are an individual who happens to like another individual. You will still be you no matter what. You just have to like YOU.

[asoctoberfalls]

I'm sorry. I hate that feeling - just so tired. I'm there, too.

[liubot]

I just feel like I'm done, you know? My current BF I think he's great but he just got diagnosed with lymphoma and it's just exhausting. We are arguing and he's scared and frustrated and I'm scared and frustrated and we are broke and stressed and ugh. Like I don't want to date ever again if this ends. I'm just going to be me and live a quiet life.

[jigsy]

Are you in therapy? Is he? I know we always jump to therapy, but it's because it is so useful. You are dealing with a really stressful situation. If nothing else, I am sure there are support groups, because the frustration and stress can cause rifts.

And beyond that, I think the goal should just be happiness. With or without a partner. I firmly believe that if you are happy in your life, a partner will come into it. Humans just naturally gravitate towards relationships. Its not always when we want it, or with whom we planned it to be - which is why you just have to work on yourself. You can't control what is happening to you, but you can control your reaction.

But I understand how easy it is to be defeated. I feel like my little single girl group is in a defeated mode right now, but it will pass.

[liubot]

Yes I'm in therapy and it is a godsend. I'm 5 years self harm free and I'll never leave my therapist lol. It's just hard.

[carrotsmakemefat]

My H and I are separated and both in individual therapy. We start couples later this month.

I will say that knowing yourself and also those issues within yourself is so key. I don't wish my situation on anyone. And it was really my fault that I didn't take more time before getting into the relationship. In a couple months of therapy for myself I'm already leaps and bounds more aware.

But there are certain things that just change. In my case it's chronic illness issues that weren't there before. And how for him handling molestation issues from childhood that his mom never thought she needed to confirm to him.

I'm hopeful though. I don't think my H isn't the right person for me. So that's good?

Support groups are important but understanding the role of a caretaker can be a lot, and just as stressful. I've been encouraging my H to explore that more himself. Health issues are just the suck.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2016 15:31:34 GMT -5 liubot said:

I just feel like I'm done, you know? My current BF I think he's great but he just got diagnosed with lymphoma and it's just exhausting. We are arguing and he's scared and frustrated and I'm scared and frustrated and we are broke and stressed and ugh. Like I don't want to date ever again if this ends. I'm just going to be me and live a quiet life.

I just lurk here, but see if his cancer center has counseling for caregivers.  I found it really valuable after my DH's cancer diagnosis, especially with a therapist who has experience working the cancer patients & their families.  He should go to one of their therapists too if he isn't already.