Well he's moved on....

[3dogdays]

Today I found out my STBXH has a new girlfriend. I moved out 2 weeks ago. God that hurt. I don't even care about him or really love him anymore. I haven't for awhile. But damn it hurts to be thrown aside when I gave so much of me to him. I have tons of support from my family and even some of his family, but I still feel so alone. I'm trying to be positive and not so negative but it's hard. I know you ladies know that. I wish I could fast forward thru all of this so I could see the upside and the good that's too come. I really hope it's there. For now, I'm just making myself get out of bed, take care of my daughter and make it thru one day at a time.

There's no point to this post really. Just putting it out there. I need to tell someone who understands. People mean well but some of the things they say aren't really comforting. It's just a reminder of how much more I have to go thru.

[Deleted]

Hugs.  Even when you're done with someone, things like that can sting a bit.  You're normal.  It will get better, but I know that's hard to imagine at the current time.  So many of us have been in similar scenarios and we're so much happier without the assholes!  You have a daughter so you will have to stay strong and somewhat sane for her, ok?  You've got this.  There are brighter days ahead.

[cuddlyevil]

I get it. My stbx started dating two weeks after I told him I was done. Then he admitted to having someone else's number in his phone for a while.

It hurt but only reinforced that I made the right choice.

[1confused1]

Hugs

[redredwine]

Hugs.
I was there, exactly there, except we didn't have children. I knew the girl who moved on with (I think he wanted out so quickly so he could move on/move in with her and he did immediately.
It HURT.

It was tempting to also want to hop into something right away, to prove "I'm FINE! I can move on, too!"
What I can say is that I'm SO GLAD I didn't rush into anything - that is not healthy for ANY party to hop into another relationship immediately, so take comfort in the fact that he's only hurting himself by doing that. I took time out (for about a year and a half) to get to know myself and just be by myself and it was the best thing I did.

It gets better, SO much better, but it's going to take time. Work on yourself, trust the process and life gets better, you get healthier and ultimately, you'll be so much better off.

[jenstar]

Hugs 3dogdays, it really does suck even if you know that the decision to separate was for the best.

In my experience though, very few people are actually ready to date so quickly. If you haven't taken time to grieve for the relationship and learn what went wrong you're likely to struggle. My XH started dating (unbeknownst to me) about a month after DS and I moved out and he moved back into our house. He was obviously lonely and having a hard time but in no way or form ready to date. He had an on-off GF for just on a year and the whole thing was a horrible and emotionally traumatic experience for her, which could have been prevented if he just took some time to sort his shit.

I guess what I'm saying is, be thankful that you have this time to process things and heal. I think as the primary parent it's easier in some ways because we don't have as much time to sit around and start to feel lonely. There are things to be done and a little person to look after, there's not a lot of time to be by yourself and feel alone, and there's probably not a lot of time to date either! Things will improve, trust x

[jenstar]

Also, I don't really understand who dates these guys, who have literally just come out of a marriage, ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved?!? Either the guys are lying about the dates (XH used the last time we slept together as his separation date even though he didn't leave for another almost 3 months and we were working on things during that time) or chicks need higher standards

[cuddlyevil]

jenstar, mine laid it all at my feet. He actually told people "I discovered that there are women who do actually want me." in a conversation with an old neighbor that included the words "it takes two to make it work". She told me and I told her about the GF (because he left that out).

[bl]

Hugs, you can know you are better off, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

My xh actually professed his love for another woman (on social media) while we were still living under the same roof. We were separated, but had to wait for the apartment he was moving into to become available. I was unsure if we were doing the right thing until that moment, and then I knew I would be better off in the long run, but man did it hurt.

[bg]

It does hurt. I'll ditto everyone else -- you're doing it the healthy way.

[doglove]

Mar 14, 2016 23:28:24 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Also, I don't really understand who dates these guys, who have literally just come out of a marriage, ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved?!? Either the guys are lying about the dates (XH used the last time we slept together as his separation date even though he didn't leave for another almost 3 months and we were working on things during that time) or chicks need higher standards

I think sometimes this may be the case. I didn't realize my xH ended a relationship when he met me (never told me the truth until years later) and before he friended his GF after our separation on social media - he did away with all evidence of me in pictures and statuses. I wonder if she ever knew any bit of the truth at all. I also think (after seeing the way men behave on the dating sites) that yes, women don't have very high standards out there. 

[doglove]

Hugs 3dogdays. I know this hurts.

[Deleted]

It really sucks and I'm sorry you are hurt. I think these things are nice validation (not that you need any) that that you absolutely made the right choice. It doesn't sound like he's interested in a healthy relationship and you are worthy of something better than that. While he physically is moving on there is no way he's ready emotionally. By experiencing and working through all of your emotions now, you will not only get through this, you will come out so much stronger than you can ever imagine.

[FormerlyRR]

Mar 15, 2016 8:01:32 GMT -5 doglove said:

Mar 14, 2016 23:28:24 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Also, I don't really understand who dates these guys, who have literally just come out of a marriage, ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved?!? Either the guys are lying about the dates (XH used the last time we slept together as his separation date even though he didn't leave for another almost 3 months and we were working on things during that time) or chicks need higher standards

I think sometimes this may be the case. I didn't realize my xH ended a relationship when he met me (never told me the truth until years later) and before he friended his GF after our separation on social media - he did away with all evidence of me in pictures and statuses. I wonder if she ever knew any bit of the truth at all. I also think (after seeing the way men behave on the dating sites) that yes, women don't have very high standards out there. 

This seems like an awful lot of work. 

[doglove]

Mar 15, 2016 10:13:46 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Mar 15, 2016 8:01:32 GMT -5 doglove said:

I think sometimes this may be the case. I didn't realize my xH ended a relationship when he met me (never told me the truth until years later) and before he friended his GF after our separation on social media - he did away with all evidence of me in pictures and statuses. I wonder if she ever knew any bit of the truth at all. I also think (after seeing the way men behave on the dating sites) that yes, women don't have very high standards out there. 

This seems like an awful lot of work. 

I'm not sure it really was because he wasn't a typical FB user. He rarely posted and didn't like to be tagged much. 

[jojoandleo]

It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that he is such a shit person, he can't be alone with himself.

[glynn]

Hugs.... Within days of H telling me he wanted a divrce he was professing his undying love for a co-worker. Now he has moved on to a XGF and we are still married because he will not settle......

[jigsy]

It seems like this is a common theme with men. They don't really deal with the emotional fallout of the end of a relationship, and instead just jump to another relationship to cover the would with a band-aid.

Usually doesn't work.

I know it hurts, but his inability to deal with his emotional issues is no longer your problem. Just keep working on you, and you will find that you have truly moved on, while he is just simply moving because he is afraid of stopping.

[asoctoberfalls]

::hugs::

I'm sorry. That must sting. I have a feeling STBXH will move on much faster than I will.