Telling family about your divorce/end of marriage

[Saint Monica]

It sounds weird but I'm wondering how to tell my brother.  I told my mom that I will be filing within the next 30 days.

Like auntes, uncles, etc.?  Did you send an e-mail?  Was it weird?

[greysgirl]

I honestly can't specifically remember, it was all kind of a blur. My mom talks to my aunt and uncle that I am close with on a regular basis and I think she told them, I was fine with that.

[greysgirl]

An email might actually be a good idea, like just a heads up this is whats happening.

[doglove]

I only told my immediate family and they took care of the rest. I did it on the phone with the immediate family. It can be weird if you aren't comfortable providing details. I remember some of my siblings didn't fully understand what happened. In fact, almost two years after the fact and my brother and I just had a conversation about what had happened the other day. I'd say just tell them what you want for now and you can sort out the details in time/when you're ready.

[housewife]

I just told my Mom and let her spread the word. 2 of my brothers reached out over text, but no one else has really mentioned it.

[TR]

I just told my Mom and I think she mostly told my family. They also got the idea when I came to a family wedding alone not wearing my wedding rings right when we had separated. I answered questions if asked, but I didn't volunteer any information.

Why did I think you'd been divorced for awhile? Did you have to do a long separation? If so, I'm sorry It definitely made it harder for me because it was like I did the whole grieving of the marriage when we first separated, then started getting back to normal and then all of the feelings came up again when it was time to file and finalize.

(((hugs)))

[Deleted]

Yeah I also didn't tell anyone really.

I told my mom (well actually my ex told my mom in a plea to win me back, idiot) and my best friend.

I didn't even tell my dad till a couple of months later.

I assume they told the rest of my family.

You def don't have to make a big announcement if you don't want to.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I told my sister and asked her to tell my parents. I eventually talked to my parents about it but in the beginning it was too hard and since absolutely no one knew we were having problems it was too hard hearing people give me suggestions on how to "fix" my marriage.

I told my mom that she was responsible for telling the rest of the family and that if anyone mentions contacting me about it to tell them that it is not up for discussion.

[Deleted]

I told my mom and dad and they told the rest of my family. They all really disliked my exh so it was easy. I just got tired of repeating the story. I did send an email to my friends. There was a group of about 8 of us and I was moving in two weeks so there wasn't time to tell them 1:1. I figure with stuff like this you don't owe anyone anything. So do what feels right and is easiest for you.

[winecat]

I told my mom and brother and they told everyone in my family. I told his family because I knew he would lie. And it was the middle of the night and I wasn't in my right mind, lol.

[cuddlyevil]

Told my sister and my folks. My folks handled the rest.

[Linie]

My father knew everything that lead to my decision to leave my STBXH. He encouraged me and watched over me; the same for my brother.

I'm only in contact with a limited number of my family (the rest drifted apart). The rest of the family may or may not know by now. I mostly told people that "I had moved back to the capital". They understood what that meant.

[Serenity9]

I talked to my parents throughout. At one point, they asked if they could tell my brother/sister because they talk to them more regularly than I do. I was fine with that. But at that point they also told my grandma. Who is the Uber-Catholic matriarch of the family. And I was not happy about that. I was still dealing with my own feelings about divorcing, I didn't need the knowledge that my grandma was probably judging me from afar.

But she had to know sometime. It just took time for me to be comfortable with the thought of more distant relatives knowing. At that point, I just told my parents that I didn't mind if they shared with extended family, and they did. Word got around. And at that point in my grieving process, that was fine with me.

[bg]

My sister knew what was going on throughout everything and I let my parents in on everything a bit later. But my situation was a multi-year process. When we officially split my mom told most of my extended family.

[Deleted]

Mar 15, 2016 9:29:09 GMT -5 winecat said:

I told my mom and brother and they told everyone in my family. I told his family because I knew he would lie. And it was the middle of the night and I wasn't in my right mind, lol.

My ex begged me not to tell his family as we separated a week before xmas. I didn't go to his family's for xmas and he told them I couldn't get off work. I don't particularly enjoy his fam and I knew he would lie about why/how/etc. I did contemplate sending an email to his dad but I didn't. In the end, it didn't matter to me as I wouldn't see them again because we didn't have a kid(s). 

For my family, I told my mom, dad, one sister, and my brother's ex-wife. They told everyone else I assume. And I removed my relationship status from FB and eventually changed my last name. I assume people just figured it out from there. 

[jojoandleo]

Mar 15, 2016 9:29:09 GMT -5 winecat said:

I told my mom and brother and they told everyone in my family. I told his family because I knew he would lie. And it was the middle of the night and I wasn't in my right mind, lol.

So, I was super stupid with XFI. There were always these girls I suspected he had more of a relationship with than he let on. He pretended they were "just friends." Anyway, one 2am night after a lot of drinking, I found one of these girls and sent her an FB message. It turns out I was right. They had just started dating around the time he and I did. And he told her we were just friends. He did eventually tell HER we were dating, but made it sound casual and made it sound like I knew he was dating other people (I didn't). She and I are still FB friends now. LOL. BUT, I still shudder in embarrassment when I remember doing that. GOD he made me crazy. I didn't know up from down. It took so long to trust myself (and anyone else) again.

[winecat]

Mar 15, 2016 11:10:41 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Mar 15, 2016 9:29:09 GMT -5 winecat said:

I told my mom and brother and they told everyone in my family. I told his family because I knew he would lie. And it was the middle of the night and I wasn't in my right mind, lol.

So, I was super stupid with XFI. There were always these girls I suspected he had more of a relationship with than he let on. He pretended they were "just friends." Anyway, one 2am night after a lot of drinking, I found one of these girls and sent her an FB message. It turns out I was right. They had just started dating around the time he and I did. And he told her we were just friends. He did eventually tell HER we were dating, but made it sound casual and made it sound like I knew he was dating other people (I didn't). She and I are still FB friends now. LOL. BUT, I still shudder in embarrassment when I remember doing that. GOD he made me crazy. I didn't know up from down. It took so long to trust myself (and anyone else) again.

The gas lighting definitely messed with my mind.  His family isn't in the US so the middle of the night here was daytime for them so I figured "why not?"  gah.  

[Queen Mamadala]

My mom was aware of the whole separation process and divorce. I confided in her. I ended up telling my dad a few months after we officially separated, and a close cousin. I'm guessing they told others.

[DarkRaven]

I told my parents and siblings. I assume they updated everyone else, but I didn't go out of my way to make sure I told others or "help them understand" because, frankly, it's not their business. My grandma tried to corner me with questions at a family gathering and I shot her down immediately. Not your life, grandma. Like a previous poster, I knew everyone didn't see the side of him that I did. But, again, not their business and not my problem.

[brooke77]

My mom knew about our problems a year before we separated. When we finally separated, I told her and she told my sister who told the rest of my family.

My friends have known about our problems all along, so there was nothing really to tell.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Once a few people found out it spread like wildfire ... there were a lot of FINALLY, and good for you messages my way. Needless to say, my split wasn't an IF situation but a WHEN situation.

[elfinia7]

My parents, sisters and brother knew everything from the beginning and once I was ready to call an end to things with my ex my parents took care of telling extended family.

I've told friends in various stages of the process. A small handful knew from the beginning and others were told as time went on and I became more comfortable and confident in my situation.

Now it's more trying to remember who doesn't know lol.

[tevagirl]

I told my mom and she told everyone else. I also told a couple of friends right away, otherwise I told people as I saw them.

[glitzyglow]

My parents and siblings told my aunts/uncles, cousins, extended family, family friends, etc. I just told the people closest to me and let it filter out from there. My extended family never brought it up and holidays and gatherings proceeded without awkwardness. I assume my parents told their close family members details, but again, no one ever brought it up to me so I'll never know which is fine by me.

[jellymankelly]

I had my mom spread the word. I wasn't really in the right mindset to talk about it at that time.

Side note: I thought you were divorced long ago! Maybe I am mixing you up with someone else.

[redshoejune]

I told my parents and sister and asked my mom to tell everyone else

[asoctoberfalls]

I'm going to have my mom spread the word.

[3dogdays]

My parents and a few closed friends I told about the affair right away because I was a mess. my mom told my family and I ended up having to tell my MIL because he wouldn't. This past Monday I had to do a Facebook post because he's splattering his new girl everywhere and people kept messaging me asking what was going on. He's the one who looks like the ass even though I feel like one

[Mrs.Rad888]

When I finally got the courage to tell my parents that XH and I were getting a divorce, my dad made it a point to tell me that they would support me 100%. Then he told me to let him know how much it was going to cost to file. He wanted to help me with the filing fees, because in his words, "that faster we get that prick out of our lives, the better." My dad has NEVER been one to curse in front of women, so this made a huge impact. There were only a handful of people that I cared about telling, I figured the rest would figure it out. Also, XH made it a point to tell mutual friends that I was leaving him for someone I'd met on deployment (I was in the Navy), which was kind of funny, because he was the one who had someone new move in with him a very short period of time later.

[berbles]

Ditto others. I told my immediate family and told them to tell others as appropriate. I told friends in person as I saw them.

I quietly changed my FB status, so there wasn't any big announcement. Until I officially started dating my BF, and then I got a private message from my half sister (we aren't close) asking if I had gotten a divorce. LOL whoops