Would this bother you?

[pandora]

And, what would you say?

I've seen this friend twice in the past 6 weeks. She's helping plan my shower with a friend. She's very excited about the baby,which is awesome - it's a bit overwhelming but kind of amusing except for some comments. I shrugged them off a few weeks ago but I saw her last night for a bit and she said the same things and it's still bothering me this time. I don't know if I should ignore or say something. Interested in your take.

She puts her head to my belly both times I have seen her and tells my belly that "Mommy needs to stop poking you. It's not nice." And, "Mommy needs to talk more to you." It really takes me aback. She means well but it's so judgy even if she doesn't realize it. I have no idea why she would say these things but it makes me feel pretty protective yet also think WTF. A guy friend last night said something last night and she just shrugged him off, "No, no she needs to stop." I could tell that he was uncomfortable with it, too.

She just finished her doctorate and is waiting to defend so part if me is giving her slack because she's been so stressed but it also makes me very uneasy. Last night, she said she couldn't wait to visit me in the hospital. I appreciate that but I honestly don't see that going well with such comments when I'm hormonal PP. And, she literally grabbed a baby last night near us and was holding her. Parents were OK with it as they came back with baby to say goodbye before they left but I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about her assertiveness with a newborn yet. Maybe it's boundaries that are my issue with her? I don't know, but it doesn't feel right and I feel like I need to figure out how to address it.

What would you do? What do you think?

[Deleted]

Poking? What?

And fuck that bitch. Don't tell her about the baby til you're home. And the baby is 5 y.o.

[pandora]

Mar 18, 2016 17:21:09 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Poking? What?

And fuck that bitch. Don't tell her about the baby til you're home. And the baby is 5 y.o.

Unfortunately, she's part of a large group of friends so she'll know. If I could figure out something diplomatic to say in response, maybe she'd pipe down? I'm not sure what though.

[Deleted]

What does she mean by poking?

I would just be as rude as she is and tell her to keep the comments to herself.

[pandora]

Mar 18, 2016 17:33:30 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

What does she mean by poking?

I would just be as rude as she is and tell her to keep the comments to herself.

I have no idea what she's referring to, honestly. When I first saw her after announcing, I had my hand on my belly because I was waiting to feel the baby move for my friend who wanted to feel the movement. So, I was trying to figure out where he was to put her hand. That's the only thing I can think of, lol. It's such a bizarre thing to say, imo. Maybe she was pointed as a child and this is a deep seeded issue? I have no idea, lol.

[starburst604]

Those are really weird things to say to you. If I were feeling really assertive I'd say something like "those are really weird things to say, and they aren't true. Please stop saying them." And move on to another topic. It reminds me of an exchange with my dad (who is getting old and totally weird depending on which day you talk to him). He would ALWAYS say to me "So has T been going to the gym still?!" In this mocking tone like he was a slacker or something. He would even say it to my sister, it was SO weird. Finally one day I just snapped back "t has always gone to the gym and been active. Why do you always ask me that?" He never said it again.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure if the comments would bother me because they are so bizarre I just wouldn't understand what she's even saying to know if I should be bothered. However her other actions like grabbing a strangers baby and grabbing your boob would totally bother me/make me uncomfortable. Honestly it sounds like she wants a baby of own really bad an acting out in strange ways.

[bl]

I have no filter when put on the spot like that in person that I would likely say something like I don't even understand what you are trying to say with those comments, if you are trying to give me advice it's not working. Also, I do not do well with my personal space being invaded like her with the grabbing, so I am sure I would have not been nice. I had a pregnant girl at work one time just grab my hand and put it on her belly and I snatched it away and said why in the world did you just do that, please do not do it again.

If you want to be more PC I like the idea of just asking her why would you say that and see what she says, then you can come back with it makes you uncomfortable and to please not do it again.

[glitzyglow]

I agree with peachy. Once she explains, you can tell her that those comments make you feel uncomfortable.

[Mrs.Rad888]

The comments are weird, I think I'd just end up giving her a raised eyebrow in the moment. But the grabbing parts of your body? That's more than crossing some boundaries, that's totally invading your personal space, and I stop just short of calling it assault or abusive, but only because she is a friend. Next time she were to reach out her hand for me, I'd catch it before she actually touched you and tell her that you were extremely uncomfortable with how she touches you, and that she needs to stop doing it. No beating around the bush, no trying to be nice about it, because I get the feeling that she wouldn't get it (or she'd pretend not to). You don't have to be mean about it, just state it in terms that leave no doubt: "I'm very uncomfortable with how you keep touching my body, and it needs to stop."

[boing]

Yes! She's incredibly disrespectful of your space. I have a lot of friends and not one of them would ever grab a boob without permission. How good of a friend is this woman? Because judging your parenting before you even have your baby would be grounds for cutting this friend out if I were you.
Also- quit poking the baby? Wtf, I think she had really rude implications with that one.
You deserve better friends.

[jojoandleo]

As far as the hospital visits, I would explain you are limiting people who see you postpartum at the hospital as emotions will be high and you need bonding time with the baby. Explain you will call/text her when you are ready to receive visitors. She is not entitled to you or your baby.