XH girlfriend pregnant..

[jenstar]

Is it normal to feel weird about this? I had suspected for a few weeks that XH's girlfriend (of less than 5 months) was pregnant, and today he dropped around and confirmed the news. She's due in late September.. so by my calculations they were together for about 2 months before she got knocked up..

I was afraid of this happening because I know he really wants another kid (although I don't get why, if he'd shown any interest in caring for our DS we might not be divorced) and he's been picking girls to date who are 35+, I think in the hope that they would want a kid fast. His best friend divorced and found a new girl to have a baby with quite quickly and he had talked about doing the same, except the situations are not the same at all. He said it was unplanned, but I don't really buy that.

Anyway, I just need to get it out. I am glad that it's not me having the baby, I just feel odd about it all.. and I worry for DS potentially going through another separation when these two inevitably discover who the other is.. I didn't know XH fully until about 4-5 years in, lord help her at only a couple months..

[asoctoberfalls]

Ugh. I would definitely feel weird about this, too. And sad. And somewat jealous (because I want more kids), but not jealous because STBXH sucked as a support system when we had a newborn. All sorts of mixed emotions for sure.

[glitzyglow]

It's normal to feel weird, absolutely. I think the best course of action is just to be there for your DS with all the changes he's experiencing. I don't think it's worth the effort worrying about the future (like how XH and his gf's relationship will go, if/when they split, etc.), but just focus on the now for your DS.

[pinkdutchtulips]

It's an akward situation but I'd focus more on da than xh's relationship w his gf. Control what you can (ds) and let go what you can't control (xh).

[brooke77]

I'd definitely feel weird for a bit about that. It's good that you weren't totally shocked though.

[marylennox]

I would definitely feel weird about that.

[arielroux]

I would feel weird about this too. I think it's probably completely normal.

I expect to be in a similar situation sooner rather than later, as well. I know ExH desperately wants to have kids, he met a girl he worked with (before we split up - and she was a large part of the reason we did split up) and has been seeing her since last February (again, before we split up), and I am just waiting on the news. I fully expect it to happen soon.

I've often thought about what my reaction would be...I think part of me would be happy because he's finally getting what he wanted for so long, but another part of me would hate that he was doing this with the girl who was essentially why my marriage fell apart, and I also probably would feel a little bad for her because, dear god, that man wouldn't know how to be caring and supportive if his life depended on it.

Your feelings are normal. I'm sorry you have to deal with it at all, though.

[Mrs.Rad888]

When XH and I split up, I knew it was just a matter of time before his GF ended up pregnant. XH is the kind of guy who sees it as the true mark of a man when he gets someone pregnant. Sure enough, he and his GF moved away in November. When I told my mom, and asked her if she wanted to make a bet that the GF would be pregnant by New Year's, she wasn't having any of that. The baby was born the next Sept.
A big part of that is because I knew of 3 kids XH had fathered before we got together (1 was apparently given up for adoption). Shortly after we got married, he "discovered" that he had a set of twins from when he was 20 or so. The GF he moved away with, who is now his most recent XW, told me about ANOTHER kid that he apparently "just found out about." That makes 8 kids, zero of which he's been around for.
When we split up, I suggested that he get a vasectomy while he was still on my military insurance, since he certainly couldn't afford any more kids. He said that it was a good idea, but he obviously didn't take me up on it.

[jenstar]

Mar 29, 2016 6:15:39 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Ugh. I would definitely feel weird about this, too. And sad. And somewat jealous (because I want more kids), but not jealous because STBXH sucked as a support system when we had a newborn. All sorts of mixed emotions for sure.

This basically describes my exact range of emotions over the last day! I'm feeling better today but am still shaking my head that he would do something so reckless..

[jenstar]

Thanks ladies, it's good to know that the feelings are normal. I did burst into tears at one point yesterday when I realized that even though he's been a shit dad to DS he is going to get to have another baby just like that while I'm over here wanting more kids but not even really feeling ready to date someone let alone have another baby.. It's not fair at all. But I am very lucky to have my DS and I've made peace with possibly not having anymore kids. It just sucks.

On talking it out with some friends I realized that xh may well be being taken for a ride himself.. He has a multimillion dollar business which he's been diligent in showing off to her so who knows. Whatever the case it's fairly obvious there was intent on both sides for this to happen so hopefully they still like each other a year from now for the baby's sake..

The good thing is that I haven't been thinking about them much today, apart from just shaking my head at the whole thing, and I am feeling much better. And I finally forked out for eharmony because I know my chances of having anymore kids are heavily dependent on me actually taking action to find someone to do that with! No more excuses!

[jenstar]

Should I pass this special voucher he gave me on to the new gf? Lol!

[asoctoberfalls]

That voucher...omg!!

And I am totally with you on not having any more kids. That's actually one of the hardest parts for me. I love my ds more than anything, and I never wanted him to be an only. I'm 36 now, so even if I met someone quickly and got pregnant quickly, it's a stretch.

I'm sorry for both of us.

[abcdefu]

@jenstar I know how you feel. My ex-h went on to have a child with his gf shortly after our divorce. I have wanted children for so long and while we were together we TTC for 5 years without success. The BAM he knocks up his gf a few months later.

I agree with pinkdutchtulips,only control what you can. When the baby comes, DS may have some difficulty adjusting to not being the baby anymore (not sure how old he is).

[jojoandleo]

IT'S NOT CALLED BABYSITTING WHEN YOU ARE THE FUCKING PARENT, ASSHOLE! That's all I have to add. He sounds like he sucks. Bye, Felipe.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Mar 30, 2016 9:14:48 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

IT'S NOT CALLED BABYSITTING WHEN YOU ARE THE FUCKING PARENT, ASSHOLE! That's all I have to add. He sounds like he sucks. Bye, Felipe.

Right?! I keep thinking how nice it is that he's giving this gift of taking care of his own child.....TWICE! Twice, in the span of 18 years?! What a giver!

[jenstar]

Mar 30, 2016 9:14:48 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

IT'S NOT CALLED BABYSITTING WHEN YOU ARE THE FUCKING PARENT, ASSHOLE! That's all I have to add. He sounds like he sucks. Bye, Felipe.

He seriously does suck! But now that we aren't together he's forced to "babysit" his child on a regular basis most weekends lol.. And he's been sucking up I guess now that he has a baby inside someone else, like when I got his mum to sit for me a few weeks ago he said he could have had DS that night because you know "he's my son!"

Note pls how I am still in possession of the voucher (although I might have actually chucked it after taking the pic) because he never even gave me opportunity to use it.. Bye Felipe indeed!

[jenstar]

When I signed up for eharmony the other day and finally saw the photos of people, I'm not gonna lie, I was fairly disappointed.. But I have found one guy on there who I've been going back and forth with who seems really nice. And absolutely nothing may come of it but at the moment it's the perfect distraction.