Am I being over protective? FTM

[noodleoo]

I think I might be being too overprotective of my DD. She's 10 months old and crawling around. We've been to a few playgroups and story times with mixed aged babies, so some younger and some older. I feel like my DD is more outgoing than some kids. She crawls away and is very curious. So she will take toys from other kids, grab stuff out of other mom's bags, try to touch other babies, which sometime includes whacking them or pulling their hair. I feel so bad! I don't want her to hurt other babies or annoy the other moms, so I feel like I'm always crawling after her and pulling her away from things. I don't feel like the other moms are doing this as much. It gives me anxiety that she will either hurt another baby or another mom will get mad at her or me. 

Is this normal? I kind of want to just let her explore, but I'm scared. I feel like she s a little more aggressive than the other babies. For example, at a play group she went up to another baby (same age), stole her rattle and then hit her on the head with it.  The other baby started crying and her mom had to console her. The mom said it was okay but I felt bad. 

[drloretta]

She's under a year, she's still learning. I would let her explore, but if she does something like that, pick her up and tell her to be gentle. It will take time and consistency, but she'll get it

[ssmjlm]

It's normal. They're all trying to figure out the world. We used a lot of "nice hands" to remind her to be gentle.

[noodleoo]

Mar 30, 2016 13:18:23 GMT -5 drloretta said:

She's under a year, she's still learning. I would let her explore, but if she does something like that, pick her up and tell her to be gentle. It will take time and consistency, but she'll get it

Thx, I've been trying that. And then she hits me in the face and laughs. Ugh. The hitting is really starting to bug me. 

I feel like the hard part is just starting and I'm not sure I'm up for it. She's getting more frustrating every day! 

[loira]

I'm sorry you can't relax. I feel like any reasonable person wouldn't get mad at you for the behaviour of your 10 month old. Then again, I don't know how many reasonable parents there are in any given playgroup.

[mekia]

At that age, all we could really do was re direct. We did a lot of that!

[bk1]

I vote normal. I was doing the same thing with my dd. I found that the more we went to storytime, the better I was at letting her explore. It helps to see how other moms react. I still am more protective a lot of the time, but we both started having more fun when I loosened up a little. 

[noodleoo]

Mar 30, 2016 13:22:15 GMT -5 loira said:

I'm sorry you can't relax. I feel like any reasonable person wouldn't get mad at you for the behaviour of your 10 month old. Then again, I don't know how many reasonable parents there are in any given playgroup.

Haha, yeah! So far everyone has been nice about it, but you never know. And yeah, it just gives me a lot of anxiety. I've sort of started warning other parents preventively, but then I feel bad like I'm setting DD up for people to think she's mean. Which makes me feel bad. 

[Deleted]

Mar 30, 2016 13:32:54 GMT -5 @natariru said:

You need to find a friend like I have in @ffbride0813 & pnkybrwstr where you basically throw your kids in a ring, grab a glass of wine, & don't worry unless someone is on fire

This

But when I'm with new moms I totally act like you do. I was always a bit protective of Dd. But really find the friends with wine who allow you to destroy their houses when you come over.

[heythere]

Mar 30, 2016 13:32:54 GMT -5 @natariru said:

You need to find a friend like I have in @ffbride0813 & pnkybrwstr where you basically throw your kids in a ring, grab a glass of wine, & don't worry unless someone is on fire

Ditto this. Finding friends like this is so amazing.

But agreed with others-- totally normal behavior at that age that you can just try to redirect and rational reasonable parents should not be upset.

[drloretta]

Mar 30, 2016 13:21:04 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Mar 30, 2016 13:18:23 GMT -5 drloretta said:

She's under a year, she's still learning. I would let her explore, but if she does something like that, pick her up and tell her to be gentle. It will take time and consistency, but she'll get it

Thx, I've been trying that. And then she hits me in the face and laughs. Ugh. The hitting is really starting to bug me. 

I feel like the hard part is just starting and I'm not sure I'm up for it. She's getting more frustrating every day! 

It took until DD was 3/4 to really learn empathy. She's not even 1, she's not doing it on purpose. It's hard to remember that in the moment

[patbutcher]

Normal. My dd has always been very adventurous (escaping the room at playgroups, taking pacifiers out of other diaper bags etc). I monitor her as much as possible and pull her off but it did get exhausting when we went to playgroups on maternity leave and I just wanted to chat.  Some other babies just play nicely. lol.

I would definitely stop the pulling hair and hitting (I had my own incident minniemouse 's daughter which was awful) - dd tried it once more after that - basically she is obsessed with hair bows so tries to grab them, not clueing in that there is a human attached, I shut it down and she hasn't done it since.

[Deleted]

I would look at it from another mom's POV. Would I be upset if another baby crawled over and started playing with my baby's toys? No. Would it bother me if another baby was playing around with my diaper bag? No. Would it upset me if another baby crawled over and pulled my kid's hair or woke them up? Probably. Anything that would bother me is something I stop. Otherwise, let her explore; it's good for her to learn about her world.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Mar 30, 2016 13:21:04 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

I feel like the hard part is just starting

It is. But she'll also get more and more fun to spend time with, so it all evens out :-)

A woman I used to work with used to say that parenting is a scale of physical to mental exhaustion. Babies start out extremely needy in a physical sense, but super easy from a mental standpoint (ie, after you get the hang of your newborn, you're not really wondering if you're messing up). Then by the time they're teenagers you're barely doing anything physical for them any more, but it's completely mentally exhausting.

Mar 30, 2016 13:32:54 GMT -5 @natariru said:

You need to find a friend like I have in @ffbride0813 & pnkybrwstr where you basically throw your kids in a ring, grab a glass of wine, & don't worry unless someone is on fire

Yes! Find your people!! It takes time, but once you get a good group it gets a lot easier.

For both my girls I eventually found playgroups where we let the babies/toddlers pretty much run wild and have fun while the moms all sat around chatting until there were tears. But when you're just meeting people, it's better to be a bit more hands on with the redirection.

I also use the standard of whether I'd be bothered by something.

[gretchenindisguise]

My kid is a biter, pincher and smacker. So you're good!

As long as you re-direct when she does it, I think you're good.

[Deleted]

I don't think you're overprotective but I also think you'd be fine backing off a little. I follow my second around a lot less than I did my first.

I really doubt any mom would get mad at you for her (normal) baby behavior: the only time I've ever been upset at another parent/situation was when a 2-3 year old walked straight up to my daughter and bit her cheek and didn't let go when he mom picked her up. I mean, even then it wasn't the mom's fault but in the moment I was so upset at the whole situation.

I would let her wander within a few feet so if she starts hitting you can get to her quickly but I don't think you need to be in arm's reach at all times.

Also she's just learning, as you both get more comfortable you'll be able to relax more.

I'm sorry she hits you, my son does that sometimes and it's so frustrating. The best I do is firmly grab his hand and put it by his side and say no hitting, that's hurts mommy. Then if he does it again I put him down and walk away/turn my back. (If possible)

[soozy87]

I remember I was at a library story time at which a little girl smacked my year old boy in the face. I went home horrified at this little girl and her mom. But then, a few months later it was my kid pushing other kids down and laughing. So I guess remember that sometimes your kid will be the mean one and sometimes they will probably be the one getting picked on.

That being said, I would do what you can to stop the worst of it.

[Deleted]

I'd let her explore. If she does something like that I'd redirect and tell her to use gentle hands.

Also, fwiw, I do not judge/care if another baby did these sorts of things to mine. It's all a learning experience for them and at that age this sort of thing happens. We started a weekly mixed age music class when the girls were 7 mos old. The class ranges from birth to 5. I have had to console my kids after another child whacked them or stole their instrument. But, I've also seen my child steal one from another.

[patbutcher]

Mar 30, 2016 17:10:42 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

I remember I was at a library story time at which a little girl smacked my year old boy in the face. I went home horrified at this little girl and her mom. But then, a few months later it was my kid pushing other kids down and laughing. So I guess remember that sometimes your kid will be the mean one and sometimes they will probably be the one getting picked on.

That being said, I would do what you can to stop the worst of it.

Exactly. H came home very indignant the other day because a little boy had pulls dds hair at an event and taken out a chunk. I reminded him of minniemouse's daughter's bald patch and he calmed down. I think as long as the parent is suitably outraged and puts a stop to it best they can, that's all you can hope for. It's the same with sharing at that age.

[picksthemusic]

It sounds fairly normal - DS is this way. We take his hand and show him how we'd like him to touch - in a pet motion while saying, 'gentle' in a soft voice. We don't scold unless what he does is painful or seemingly on purpose to get a reaction. If he hurts me, I'll tell him, "No, that hurts Mommy," with a stern voice and let my face show my displeasure at his behavior.

[mannah]

noodleoo are you in the Boston area? For some reason I think you are. Let's be friends pm me

[noodleoo]

Thx guys! You are definitely making me feel better about this. I'm going to try to relax and hopefully the anxiety will pass. We're definitely working on the "gentle hands", I'm hoping she gets it soon!

mannah, sending you a Pm!