My brother had surgery on his butt last night

[papie]

I keep trying to find something funny and witty to text him, lol.  He had a bad perianal abscess and went to the ER for butt pain and fever (hello, I about died laughing when I heard) and was kept in for emergency surgery.  Poor guy though, it must have hurt like a mofo.  

Also funnies/gossip related to this:  

- He never calls my mom and says how he wants no relationship with her, and she is toxic, etc etc etc.  Guess who he called at 7am yesterday because he was in pain? Maaaammaaaaaaaaaaaa!

- And you know my brother has been separated from SIL, after lots of drama, cheating, open relationship, swinging, him leaving with someone else, etc etc etc.  They got back together, and then at my son's baptism in september where they came together, he told me he hated her and she was crazy and we haven't heard from her since other than him bitching about $$$ issues.  He was dating a 20yo for the last few months (he is 37).  
Welp, guess who my parents found at the hospital last night waiting for him to come out of surgery? Yep, SIL.  She is moving to his place for the weekend to help take care of him.   <)

[circa1978]

Um. Is there such a thing as a GOOD perianal abscess? *shudder*

[Serenity9]

You could tell him he always was a pain in the ass.

[papie]

Apr 1, 2016 8:58:32 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Um. Is there such a thing as a GOOD perianal abscess? *shudder*

I know.  But some of them can just be drained.  He was told he was at risk of it bursting and getting peritonitis.  

[circa1978]

Apr 1, 2016 8:59:42 GMT -5 papie said:

Apr 1, 2016 8:58:32 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Um. Is there such a thing as a GOOD perianal abscess? *shudder*

I know.  But some of them can just be drained.  He was told he was at risk of it bursting and getting peritonitis.  

[lilac05]

Will he have an open wound that needs to be packed? I had to have that when I had an abscess. Doing that is a labor of love...and NOT for the faint of heart! It definitely isn't something I'd want someone I disliked to do for me! Yuck!

[papie]

I don't think he actually dislikes her. I think he is a jerk who likes to play her and she always falls for it. Sadly. They've technically been married 5 years, but separated for 2.

My mom offered for him to stay at my parent's house and she would stake care of him. But SIL was all "no, it's ok, I'll do it".

[Eagles]

I mean, he kind of deserves a butt abscess.

[BaliHai]

So glad they caught his abscess before it rect-him! har har

[MixedBerryJam]

Apr 1, 2016 8:58:32 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Um. Is there such a thing as a GOOD perianal abscess? *shudder*

Now that right there's something I'm not googling.

[Serenity9]

Apr 1, 2016 9:39:06 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Where's kevin arnold when you need her? She would have taken this one into the pun stratosphere.

She left that life behind her.

[birdmom]

This happened to DH, and his ruptured, so he had to have emergency surgery. A few years later, he had another one that had to be removed. So painful! It's amazing how many butt jokes his friends came up with!

[cleo29]

So he is trading one pain in the ass for another?

[HiC]

He's a total pain in the ass! *cymbal crash*

[textbookcase]

My friend had butthole surgery and we got her flowers and a card that said, "now you are a perfect asshole!" Joking about butt surgery is the best.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Guys, I don't think these cheeky jokes are helping here

[silva]

Does your brother realize he's the butt of many jokes?

[cuddlyevil]

Ask him if he wants a book about uranus to read while he's recovering.

[rosiebear]

Get him a box of packed fudge.





Too far?

[Booze Raccoon]

Maybe it's your storytelling but I am wildly entertained by your brother.

[anlo]

Now he's a smacked ass with a packed ass.

[Eagles]

Apr 1, 2016 11:46:08 GMT -5 anlo said:

Now he's a smacked ass with a packed ass.

Five stars. Well done.